Abortion and death threats. And today I'm accompanied by a body-guard.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This is the purely descriptive, short version of the facts.

My girlfriend decides to spend a couple nights with me. Returning to her own house is delayed - her junkie, controlling and abusive ex-con stepfather is the reason for this. I offer her shelter, she’s advised by her mother to not come home as he’s in aggressive mood.

1 month goes by. Things calm down. She can return, but she continues to stay with me since we’re in love.

We learn she’s pregnant. Ah, damn that 1 time… maybe 2… without birth control… She tells her folks and sisters. They’re all smiles, I’m a member of the family. I tell mine. My parents are concerned, will back us up in whatever we chose, mention abortion.

We decide to have an abortion - we’re too imature, we don’t have financial stability, we don’t know if we’re right for each other. I’m 28 and she’s 19, BTW.

She has the abortion without telling her parents, for fear of their reaction. Which happened yesterday.

Her mother’s reaction was to explode and call her a mega daughter of a whore (…) and that she no longer is her child. Her stepfather threatenned to kill us, as we had killed the future baby. And to expose my family for the horrors that they are (they’re convinced they forced this), and to go to my job, and to go to our house, and to release some videotape of some supposedly innapropriate behaviour of my girlfriend when she was 13.

I guess that about covers it. Today I’m being accompannied by a body guard to and from work (it’s a 50 km drive… we can’t keep it up forever). Oh, and he’s guarding me during lunch time also.

My GF’s staying with my parents for the time being. God damn it I want my life back.

2

Woah, I thought this would be a thread about a doctor or nurse in a clinic. Sorry to hear you need a body-guard to be able to go about your daily business, don’t add yourself to the “Did anyone try to kill you thread”.

Mum’s had her family turn their nose up at my own daughter for being illegitimate, despite their own multiple bastard offspring, family can just be odd I guess.

3

I remember you,** joazito.** This was somehow not unexpected.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=402886&highlight=joazito

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=406266&highlight=joazito

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=393533&highlight=joazito

Perhaps someday you’ll get your shit together.

4

I have to agree. You need to step away from relationships for a while. Like 10 years.

5

Okay, a couple of rules, here.

  1. Never, ever announce to your friends and family that you are pregnant until you know exactly what decision you are going to make with regards to continuing the pregnancy. Unless you know their feelings about the various options, do not include them in the process of making a decision. A girl can maybe talk to her mom, but that depends on the relationship. It isn’t fair to friends and family to make them deal with the emotions involved.

  2. If you have told all and sundry the news and then decide to terminate, unless you are assured of unanimous consent, it is better by far to “suffer a miscarriage” or announce “the stick was wrong, the blood test came back negative” than to expect people to support your choice. Some topics don’t require full disclosure, and a volatile topic like this can have unexpected repercussions. As you now know.
    And where, by the way, does one hire bodyguards?

6

It’s some ex-cop a friend knew about.

7

Gotta agree with kittenblue . It was pretty stupid to announce a pregnancy to anyone if there was any chance of not going through with it.

BTW, you’re 28? And your family considers you too immature for parenthood? Sorry to hear it.

8

Not me particularly, “we” as in me+her. More her than me, but I think If I had written that it would just sound nasty, wouldn’t it? So I phrased it like that to share the responsability.

9

Sounds like the thing to do if you’re 28 and having sex with a teenager.

10

Meh, timed out…

You’re not pushing into magnanimous territory quite yet here.

How about the threats against the girl, and for that matter your parents too, now that she’s staying there. Have you made any arrangements for them?

11

I’m sure it says something well and truly uncomplimentary about my nature that my first, dominant thought was “Why in the various and sundry names of Og did the two of you tell them she had an abortion?”.

If you chose to share the news of the pregnancy with all and sundry, there are people with a valid interest in the progress of the pregnancy (and the grandparents-to-be definitely qualify here), but there isn’t anyone at all outside of the two of you who have a right to details if the ultimate outcome isn’t a healthy baby.

A somber “I’m afraid we have difficult news. Jane is no longer pregnant.” coupled with a subsequent refusal to get into the gory details is more than sufficient. If, and only if, someone with a vested interest presses for gory details, I’d go with a fib here and say “Jane miscarried, and this is a very painful topic, so can we not discuss it further?”.

12

Did you know beforehand if her family would have a problem with the practice of abortion?

13

He’s banging an 18 year old. While contemplating/doing a 25 year old off the 'net. Who’s too fat for him, but hey, why not.

And LOUNE, I’d be surprised if he knew her last name before trying to screw her, let alone her parents opinion on reproductive issues.

When I read his posts it’s like a 15 year old wannabe with a bad spanish accent whining in my head.

“C’mon baby, why you gotta go and be like that…”

joazito, I’ll pay for you to be sterilized.

14

Given your demonstrated maturity level, based on your other posts, I’d say you did the right thing in not fathering a child. You appear to have a good amount of shit to get worked out before you’re ready to raise one.

15

So is this the same girl who was refraining from her feelings but finally came around, or another girl entirely?

16

Thos past posts do not exactly put the OP in a positive light, but it still sucks to be him. Though I’ll save most of my pity for the 19-year-old GF. I might let her keep the bodyguard, too.

17

And just in case the pregnancy goes bad, as almost happened with my girlfriend’s, it pays to wait until those first twelve weeks are up.

18

:dubious:

With all due sympathy for what is undoubtedly a sucky situation, your 19-year-old girlfriend has just undergone an abortion. Her mother has called her a whore and her abusive stepfather has threatened to kill her. She’s been thrown out of her house.

I should think she wants her life back as well…

19

Actually, she called her a daughter of a whore. Hey, she should know!

20

I missed that, my bad. snrk

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” --Jack Nicholson