Movies like this make perfect sense if you realize that there are many enterprises which need to show losses that can be put on a tax return. Drug dealers, fences, smugglers, etc., all need a place to dump cash so that they can put some legitimate business activity on the ol’1040. They want to lose money, so there is no reason to actually invest in a real script.
PharmBoy, member of the Grassy Knoll Conspracy club since 1986.
I assumed the enitre movie was going to be about battling mammoths and other scary animals of the time, as I had seen no previews. Then halfway through it turned into a slavery revolt epic? Is this the cinematic equivalent of the pop song medley? 
I had the opportunity to se if free Wednesday night but had to turn it down because I was too damn sick with this winter’s flu. Apparently it’s set in Egypt, because they’re building pyramids. It could be a Stargate rehash, but that was my favorite Roland Emmerich film.
Hey, at least they gave the cavemen token beards. And yeah, it’s too bad if this doesn’t have naked breasts.
For my part, I’m ecstatic since I grew up in the era of Conan, Beastmaster and Ator. There’s been a horrible shortage of cheesy barbarian movies lately and I’ll be happy to get my fix. I’m sure it’ll also make for a terrific drinking game when it goes rental.
ETA: (Yeah, yeah… it’s not a bona fide barbarian movie, but it’s as close as you can get these days.)
So this is really like The Producers, and they will all end up in deep doo if the movie actually does become a box office blockbuster.
My two cents is this is a knockoff of Pathfinder, another piece of crap pitting Vikings against Native Americans.
They could have dinosaurs in it and I wouldn’t care, so long as it was entertaining. But since this is a Roland Emmerich movie, it won’t be.
Movie analyst people are saying this movie could set a box office record for a movie released in March.
I haven’t seen it yet, but I will eventually. Roland Emmerich is the greatest moviemaker since Spielberg.
I agree that there were a number of “flaws” in the movie. However, I wasn’t looking for high intellect last night. I just wanted to go out with my hub, sit back, and watch pretty people in sweeping scenes. Plus, I like the saber-tooth kitty. I will admit that I made some kind of comment to husband about the main guy being the mouse… but hey.
Anyway, it isn’t rocket science; it isn’t factual, but really I don’t care. It was enjoyable enough for those of us that weren’t expecting anything to improve our minds 
Just got back from seeing it at the Avon (which was packed, BTW), and I had a good time. I can see where the critics are coming from–but, yanno, I enjoyed it. If you could ignore the logic holes, it was a fun outing.
Throughout, I had an odd feeling of familiarity, but it wasn’t until we were in the car that I managed to pin it down. It’s like when you have this class of fifth-graders, and the teacher tells them, “Break up into groups, and go in the corner, and write a play, and it has to run at least 20 minutes.” So the kids all split up, and most of the groups come up with basically really stupid little playlets, unending variations on “Darth Vader vs. Darth Maul” or reworked versions of TV sitcom plots. But there’s this one group that comes up with something really sensational–it’s got hunters, and warriors, and mysterious prophecies, and a mammoth stampede, and a slave revolt, and a desperate journey across mountains and deserts by a Hero, and a love story that’s handled about as well as you’d expect 10-year-olds to handle a love story, and a weird godlike being and his unsavory acolytes…well, basically, it’s got everything but the kitchen sink. And the teacher is so impressed by this thing (which runs considerably longer than the 20 minutes stipulated) that she insists on having them put it on for the parents. So you sit there one afternoon watching this playlet that the kids came up with and you think, “Wow! That is so good!..for fifth-graders.”
That was the movie I saw. The play that Barrett and Corey and Cody and A.J. and Ben and Christina and Jacob’s group came up with.
And on that level, it worked very well. It wasn’t insultingly stupid. The logic holes weren’t anything outrageously unacceptable. It was an entertaining two hours put together by fifth-graders with a loose grasp of history, geography, archaeology, biology, paleontology, agriculture, botany, zoology, sociology, anthropology, and human nature.
Take popcorn.
You know, DDG, that is one of the finest reviews I’ve ever read. Both howlingly funny and oh, so true…
Classic!
They keep saying that this movie is from the same people that made Independents Day and The Day After Tomorrow, so I assume that the President of the United States is going to personally deliver the stone age computer virus that prevents the pyramid builders from creating an ice age through relentless global warming activities.
It’s not about suspension of disbeleif, it’s about relying on public ignorance to write through your plotholes.
My brother wanted to see it, so we saw it.
I’ve seen far dumber films and I got my money’s worth in action scenes. But if you want to see an action movie this weekend skip “10,000 BC” and see “The Bank Job” instead. 10kBC is going to make a load of money, but “The Bank Job” is much more entertaining.
Okay, let me see if I get this straight. A bunch of primitives worship ancient bird creatures at the city of D’Leh?
It isn’t even going to reach the halfway mark of 300, which owns the March box-office title. It’ll be #1 for a week but ultimately it’ll be regarded as a financial failure by the back-office decisionmakers.
Slightly off-topic nitpick: There weren’t/aren’t any Moa in Australia- they were from New Zealand, which isn’t traditionally considered “Down Under”.
And the ‘serious efforts’ to find a surviving colony - aren’t.
We’ve only had a couple of hoax efforts in the last decade or so, not even close to ‘bigfoot’ UL status.
[blushes modestly]
No, no, no. See, that’s whatchu get for playin’ Gameboy under the desk while Barrett and Corey were explaining it to the rest a ya…
Mountain-dwelling primitives hunt mountain-dwelling mammoths. [yeah, I know]. Eye-filling CGI Mammoth Stampede #1 occurs. Mammoths no longer come to mountains, causing hunger. Mysterious prophecy occurs. Slave raiders occur. Hero goes in pursuit, with road trip buddies. Male bonding occurs. Attack by crackhead ostriches occurs [pretty good, actually, I’d have liked to see more of them]. A sabretooth cat occurs, painlessly. Another prophecy occurs. Hero progresses through countryside, gathering tribal troops to make war on slave-owning Bad Guys in mysterious city. Meanwhile, Love Interest is slave in mysterious city, inexplicably, repeatedly, NOT being raped by slave raider captor [however, if you bear in mind that this thing was scripted by 10-year-olds, it suddenly makes sense]. Another prophecy occurs. Hero & Co. incite first, slave revolt, and second, eye-filling CGI Mammoth Stampede #2. Hero slowly and laboriously throws spear at Head Bad Guy draped head to toe in Mom’s second-best tablecloth, 100 soldiers standing in front of Head Bad Guy inexplicably failing to see it coming. Head Bad Guy is toast. Slave raider captor attempts to abscond with Love Interest on horseback. Love Interest stabs slave raider captor minorly in thigh, causing skilled professional horseman to fall completely off horse, with her in arms, big thump. Hero and Love Interest embrace. Slave raidor captor shoots Love Interest in back with left-handed frannistan he pulls out of pocket [bow and arrow technology heretofore unmentioned in plot full of spear-users]. Love Interest dies. Weeping occurs. Tribal matriarch back home in mountains donates life’s breath to bring Love Interest back to life [how should I know? ask Barrett and Corey] Much rejoicing occurs.
If you’re going to see this at all, see it on the big screen. On the small screen, it will be totally wasted, even more wasted than the Battle of the Black Gates in the Return of the King, which at least has things like “plot” and “character development” going for it.
After reading the synopsis by Duck Duck Goose, I suppose it could be worse. It might be worth a rent from Netflix.
I saw previews for this when seeing Be Kind, Rewind.
I’ll admit that the graphics looked pretty spiffy. That aside, I wouldn’t pay money to see this movie, for most of the reasons that previous dopers have already mentioned.
When my housemate expressed interest in seeing the movie, another girl (History major alert!) who went with us said “You know, that movie’s not going to be historically accurate.”
Gee, you don’t say. Because I really thought wolly mammoths were used to build the pyramids. :rolleyes:
[spoiler]The CGI animators very consistently, in both mammoth stampedes, have the mammoths galloping, i.e. cantering, a three-beat gait.
Elephants–mammoths–don’t canter OR gallop. They don’t even trot. When you see elephants charging, what they’re doing is walking-really-fast. They’re just too heavy to perform a gait that requires all of their feet being off the ground at any one point.
But the CGI mammoths go galloping merrily along, like horses. It’s nice animation, flowing fur, rippling muscles…it just ain’t biologically accurate.
The movie also has a group of twenty humans crawling up within touching distance of a whole herd of wild mammoths–actually infiltrating the herd–and the mammoths neither see, smell, nor hear them.[/spoiler]