Here are the top 10 things I learned the day of a friend’s daughter’s Christening (the last 4 are from the reception afterwards):
[list=1][li]A Christening is the same thing as a baptism. This is useful knowledge when one thinks one needs a Christening card, but can only find baptism cards in the first several card stores one visits.[/li]
[li]If you attend a church service specifically for a Christening, you can discreetly leave once the Christening itself is over if you are with a crying baby. If you do not already have a crying baby of your own, you may want to consider borrowing one if you are ever obligated to attend a Christening.[/li]
[li]According to special plaques, the last two pews in some churches should not be used unless the church is very full; however, no one can stop you from sitting in them if you rush in at the last possible second. [To quote my mother: “Presbyterians always sit in the back. Real Presbyterians sit way in the back.”][/li]
[li]If, during a church service, the minister appears to go dangerously insane, taking on the persona of a spaced-out hippie Jesus and high-fiving parishioners in the front pews, don’t panic: this could just be the “children’s sermon.”[/li]
[li]For extra comfort, if you are tall enough, you can use the kneeler and still distribute some of your weight to your butt by sitting on the edge of the pew at the same time. But if you catch yourself doing this inadvertently, be careful when you shift your weight or you might knock over the kneeler in the pew behind you. Incidentally, knocking over a kneeler makes a tremendously loud noise.[/li]
[li]If you and most of your friends show up unexpectedly one Sunday at a Lutheran church that was just sitting there minding its own business, the minister is within his rights to interrupt the service and ask, “I’m just curious… how many of you are here for the Christening?” and then become visibly comforted by the show of hands.[/li]
[li]Although I am a finicky eater, I am physically able to eat sushi, in case I ever have to for some reason. No, I would not fare well on certain “reality” television shows… why do you ask?[/li]
[li]While everyone knows that passing around the old high school yearbook is always good for a laugh, for some real fun, get your hands on the old junior high school yearbook.[/li]
[li]With modern computer imaging, amazingly lifelike baby pictures can be incorporated into the icing of a cake, thus preventing anyone from cutting it, much less eating it.[/li]
Pickled ginger looks much like sliced ham; however, it tastes nothing like sliced ham. This is useful knowledge in case you ever wander past a buffet table and, while no one is looking, decide on a whim to stuff your mouth with sliced ham.[/list=1]
Sushi at a christening reception? Dang, all the ones I went to only had cold cuts and mustard (no mayo, no catsup, no butter). Progressive parents have no respect for traditions - no stale rolls? no green and black olives to roll around your plate and leap onto the floor? no rolled-up ‘bologna horns’ and ‘ham trumpets’ so the kids can play “pretend marching band”. How can you play that with sushi? ::shakes head sadly::
About the baby pictures on the cake, that is just sooooo wrong. I can see the kid traumatized years later, looking at a picture of the half-eaten cake and herself with half her body lopped off. At least they didn’t use the ultrasound photos.
And I’ve knocked over many a kneeler in my time. Heh. great way to draw attention to yourself in church.
Incidentally, the United Church of Canada ladies are the undisputed queens of dainties. (That would be Canadian for the teeny-weeny sandwiches and dessert squares you get at church functions.) My favourite one was one I had eons ago: it was white bread rolled in a spiral around cream cheese and maraschino cherries, then sliced. It was unbelievable.
Those are the three things I miss about the Christian church: music, architecture, and dainties.
Oh yeah. :eek: We had one of those at my aunt’s 75th birthday party this year. It was uncanny. And the fun of having it for an adult instead of a baby, of course, is that she actually got to slice up her own picture!
If it’s in chunks and thrown in a bowl of punch with other bits of fruit, ginger also looks a lot like chunks of pineapple if you are not looking closely or the lighting is poor. Ginger also tastes nothing like pineapple. :eek: This earned the drink the name of ‘Punch with Scary Chunks’ forever more, much to the irritation of the punch, uh, chef.
When you are in the Christening (not you personally, if you are in the Christening you just have to be held a while, then have water dumped on you) remember: the pacifier is your friend. Even if it doesn’t particularly go with the Christening Ensemble.
In a pinch (because you thought “this won’t take long, we don’t need the pacifier”) you can substitue your finger, Little House on the Prairie style. Just turn your finger over so your nail isn’t against the roof of the baby’s mouth. Yeah, you’ll look cool.
Also, tradition is nice and all, but you really don’t want to make your kid wear the same outfit you did at your Christening. They have disposable diapers now. The plastic lined pants your Mom had to use on you because she just had cloth diapers get real hot. Even in a cool church.
Other than that, it’s a lot like a Wedding. It goes on way too long, then there’s cake.
-Rue.
Actually, although I have some reservations, I’m most intrigued by the cheese & cherry sandwiches. Eating raw fish – a big step for me – has emboldened me.
And I’m relieved to see others are creeped out by the whole photographic-image-in-the-icing deal.
As for the fussy infants, in this case it was the kids of my married friends in attendance rather than the Christenee… I’m sure the regulars were happy that they only had to put up with the lot of us for one week. The funny thing was that when one couple in our group took their crying daughter outside, our single friend disappeared with them, some of us finding out only much later that he had a family function to be at. Because he is Jewish and somewhat socially awkward (I should talk), it seemed like he must have just sort of freaked out from being at a Lutheran church service and had to flee. I’m still amused that he rode the wave of fussy children right out the door in order to make his escape.
And I’m glad I’m not the only one to knock over a kneeler (figured I couldn’t be). As a Presby, I didn’t think I’d have to deal with 'em in a fellow Protestant church. Being Lutheran seems to be almost as much work as being Catholic.
Here’s a question about the kneeler? Did you actually use it to kneel? I am going to a Christening in a Catholic church and, being Congregational, I don’t kneel. The few times I’ve been in a Catholic church, I haven’t. This time, however, it’s my husband’s family. Would it be too awful to remain seated except when it’s time to stand?
Well, I can give you a quick response that I knelt on the kneeler when the service called for it, but I didn’t have any reservations about doing so. I’d suggest asking your husband or someone in his family if it’s okay.
I imagine you’ll be fine; I doubt if it would be taken as disrespectful. Just don’t take part of communion if you are not Catholic.
