[list]
[li]Both attempts to unionise the Sasquatches of the United States’ Pacific Northwest were failures. Less than 30 percent of the humanoids signed membership cards.[/li][li]Custard originated as an anti-wrinkle cream in Victorian Peru.[/li][li]The identity of the Antichrist is still unknown, but a prophecy kept secret by the Vatican since 1937 states that her middle name will start with Y.[/li][li]Ennui is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.[/li][li]The rare mauve Legos command high prices at auction.[/li][li]The stock market is both precisely modeled and controlled by the movements of ants in one particular suburban yard in San Diego. Unfortunately, the owner of the yard plans to dig it up less than a year from now to build a new house.[/li][li]Orange and lime-green have never been considered ‘hip’ colours by the fashion mavens of Bashkortostan.[/li][li]‘Dave’ is the official player nickname of All-American Cricket.[/li]Ferdinand, Graf von Zeppelin, was the first person to be ‘buried in the air’.
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There have been no new Hallmark cards written since 1987; they just recycle the same ones over and over, changing the pictures so no one will notice.
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The real name of President George W. Bush is Cecil Adams. The real name of Ed Zotti is Vice President Dick Cheney. They know how confusing this is. Cheney’s “heart operation” was just a ruse so he could catch up on his Straight Dope duties.
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All roller coasters are currently designed by a blind high-school student from Lower Muncton, AZ, using an abacus. When he graduates, someone else gets the job.
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There are no aliens in outer space. They’ve all come here.
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The interstate highway system was developed to make it easier for President Eisenhower to get to any golf course.
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The Capital Building in Washington D.C. is a clever optical illusion. It’s really only fifteen feet tall, but nine thousand feet long.
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In the original designs for Disneyland, there was an attraction called “Mickey’s House of B&D.”
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Re-arrange the words on the back of a one-dollar bill and you get a secret message planted by the Illuminati. The message is: “Homer Simpson Rules!”
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No Hollywood movie has ever really made any money. Most of the box office receipts go to the lawyers.
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Recently, Stephen Hawking admitted that he has no idea what he’s talking about.
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In 1927, in Cincinati, Ohio, a feud developed between owners of pet hamsters and those who favored gerbils. The National Guard were able to restore order, but only after 11 people were killed. One woman is still listed as missing.
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Arnold Schwartzenegger originaly tried to become an astrologer. Trying to boost his career with a strong showing at the Astrologers Olympics, he took up weightlifting, only to discover his true calling. And now you know…the rest of the story.
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There are no buildings greater then 30 stories that are named “The Glopgutz”. And no one knows why.
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The tale of The Five Chinese Brothers was originally written as part of the secret literature of The Illuminati. The story represents the various methods with which The Illuminati will triumph over the world.
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24.3% of the employees of the Gillette Corporation actually have beards. And that’s just the female employees. (Among males it’s 31.2%).
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As part of the post-election battle, the Gore campaign considered having Gore change his name legally to George W. Bush, and claim both sets of votes for himself. Senior Democratic politicians objected to the plan, concerned that elderly Democratic voters would become permanently confused and fail to vote correctly for the next several elections.
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Initial results of the Papua New Guinia taste tests showed that people preferred the taste of European explorers over domestic people by a 2 to 1 ratio. The study was never finalized, as too many Europeans showed up with guns, and the study was aborted.
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There are no known photographs of Jimmy Carter and Alice Cooper together, nor are there witnesses who can attest to seeing them together at the same time.
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Due to reasons that are still poorly understood but may involve environmental factors, the rate at which monkeys are evolving into people has increased dramatically in recent years. Scientists now estimate that monkeys will be 80% “humanized” by the year 2034, at which time it will no longer be ethical to keep them in zoos or use them for medical experiments.
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There are actually only two members of the SDMB. A single person with thousands of screen-name/sock puppets, and IzzyR.
I was the inspiration for the Patrick Swayze character in the movie “Dirty Dancing”
The earth was created about 6000 years ago in one week by an invisible man who knows and sees all, is the final judge of good and evil, and gets upset if you express any curiosity about the details of all this.