[ul]
[li]Over the course of his career, motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel had broken nearly 130 bones. That’s over half of all the bones in his body![/li]
[li]60% of the purchase price of a new ladder goes towards liability insurance.[/li]
[li]It’s illegal to ride a camel on an interstate expressway in Nevada.[/li]
[li]A bat’s teeth never stop growing. Old teeth fall out and are continuously replaced by new teeth. Bats are the only mammals that replace their teeth this way.[/li]
[li]Carbonated soda water used in soft drinks was first developed in the early 1800’s for use as a machine degreaser.[/li]
[li]The state of Florida is slowly sinking. It will be completely underwater in about 3,000 years.[/li]
[li]In Des Moines, Iowa, it is illegal to snore if you live in an apartment building.[/li]
[li]You expend more energy going down stairs than climbing them.[/li][/ul]
I should note that one of my “facts” is actually true. Anyone care to figure out which?
What are you implying? That me and ** jarbabyj ** are flirty?
To quote Eyes Wide Shut:
“You have no idea.”
[sub] and only one Doper truly knows the devastating power of my flirts at full power. Y’all only get me at eight tops. [/sub]
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Alexander the Great, who conquered most of Mediterranean Europe was in fact a large rabbit named “Thunderbunny”. He now teaches high school World History.
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7-UP was actually named by a bunch of drunken frat boys playing Chutes and Ladders.
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Both NFLs (National Football League and National Forensics League [you know, debate]) are, in reality, the same club.
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It is illegal and usually fatal to cough, sneeze, burp, fart and laugh at the same time.
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The founder of what are now known as ‘Atoms’ did not come up with the current name. He wanted to name them ‘Quijbos’, but the scientific community frowned on this and thus eliminated the scientist, gave credit to someone else and renamed the ‘Atom’. This scientist was named Jimmy Hoffa.
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The CIA and KGB were never involved in the Cold War. Instead, they made low budget foreign musicals. One, after being stolen from the CIA Mainframe by hackers is now being shown across the internet titled “All Your Base Are Belong To Us”.
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The Cold War did not happen between the US and Russia shortly after World War II. In fact, the Cold War started when, at a peace summit, Boris Yeltsin and President George Bush Senior could not decide who got the last 6’’ cold cut sandwich. The sandwich in question was also stolen by hackers from the CIA Mainframe.
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In order to curb violence in the Middle East, President George W. Bush acted quickly to call for an elite military strike team to go to the Arab nations with the orders to: “Make sure none of them Stratavarious things are ever heard of again!”
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The bomb dropped on Hiroshima was not actually a ‘Nuclear’ bomb. In actuality, it was an ‘Everclear’ bomb, which was targeted at Hiroshima University, at approximately midnight on the midnight after finals. The bomb, once detonated, launched hundreds upon thousands of bottles of ‘Everclear’ alcohol across the campus. Upon consumption of this alcohol, the drunken college students went to rioting and decimated the city of Hiroshima. A similar incident occured at Nagasaki, which caused the surrender of Japan and the origin of the name of ‘7-UP’ cola.
And finally…
- ABC, wishing to gain back their audience to Monday Night Football have fired Dennis Miller as a commentator. Unfortunately, the “If I’m fired, you’ve got to hire someone more annoying than me” clause in Miller’s contract came back to haunt ABC. After scouring the globe for someone more inept at calling football, as well as more annoying, the ABC executives voted unanimously on Kathie Lee Gifford.
Aaaaugh! I had him freshman year! He really likes Napoleon. He lives in my subdivision. He promised me 100 extra credit points in Military History (which I’m taking sr. year) if I could get all of the incoming freshmen to call him “Mr. Lastname Martel” or “The Hammer.” I tried! I better get those points…
I’m gonna bet on the Evil bone breaking thing, I’ve seen him take some nasty falls 
— G. Raven
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It has recently been established that the Pink Panther is actually an escaped Amish elder, shunned for
“brigandage”. -
Anthropomorphics have been endowed by their Creator with potent libidos.
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A massive object, squeezed into a quantum singularity, smells remarkably like orange peel.
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Noah escaped from The Flood in the only boat in the ENTIRE WORLD.
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In 1977, Elvis died on the can. In 1987, Chrysler took
over AMC. Coincidence? I think not! -
If you drop your car keys in a pool of molten lava, let it go, man…it just ain’t worth it.
-
The man with the biggest balls in the world is that guy in Tienamen Square who stood in front of a line of tanks.
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Bad, Bad Leroy Brown could take Stagger Lee.
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There’s never going to be a Star Wars/Star Trek Crossover
movie…don’t even bother. -
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Paul the Younger, thanks muchly!
Understood, and noted! (Habbahooya!) For all it’s worth, I shall start at the approriate place.
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Article 37, subsection 12, paragraph C of the 56th edition of the Norse highway-code states ‘The square of the empty-vessel is equal to two birds in the frying pan’. However, the code does not elaborate. Perhaps this explains the situation with the ferrets and all that cherry sauce.
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‘When I see my first Australian Kangaroo, I’m just going to lose it’.
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uh… hi Opal! (hey, it’s really not that difficult!)
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Nefertiti’s marriage to Akhenaten was arranged by a subversive cult of paranoid cartoonists eager to have their work appreciated by all and sundry.
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there is no ‘6)’ or ‘7)’
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A particularly devastating particle eneergy weapon was developed by the Coca Cola Company during the late-60’s, but never used for fear of the increasing the already tense arms-race during the Ice Cold Cola War.
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Napoleon Bonaparte coined the phrase, ‘If the palanquin’s a rockin’, don’t come knockin’.
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Fish.
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King Harold was killed by an arrow in the eye, had he been of Ninja stock, then the history of western civilization might have been very different.
[sub]And now for my 200th post, I shall have a flirt with Hardygrrl![/sub]
Hey grrl, how YOU doin’? 
[sup]Tadaaaa! Thank you, thank you very much!
Oh wait, she heard me! :eek: She’s coming over!! Whadda I say? Whadda I do? AAAIIIIEEEEEEEEE![/sup]
Paul The Younger (who’s clearly not as brave as he types)
::Crosses legs,pushes her red hair away from her face and raises an eyebrow::
Wouldn’t you like to know?
[hijack]
as the owner/victim of a Basenji, I beg leave to advise that you have the correct concept, but the wrong end[/hijack]
Nope, Evel broke something like 35 bones in his career. That’s a lot, but nowhere near half of all his bones. The one that’s true is the camel in Nevada, but I wrote it in a way that contains needless extra detail to make it sound better than it really is. It’s illegal to bring any animal on foot onto an expressway (not just camels), and that’s the same in every state (not just Nevada). I suspect many of those silly laws you see circulating around the net are “cooked” this way.
- JFK had a pixie sense of humor – he actually committed suicide
- Rats prefer the cold vacuum of space
- Fingerprints are vestigial cilia our ancestors used to climb sheer cliff walls, kinda like a gecko
- Twinkies were the result of a failed research project attempting to develop a powerful explosive
- I’m not fat, I’m just terribly short for my weight
- The government collects DNA data from citizens through the use of public pay phones
- The idea for Post-It notes was the result of an employee for 3M throwing a snot-drenched tissue at his cubicle wall
- Federal Income Tax is voluntary
- Most cloistered religious institutions are really cover-ups for illegal export/import ventures
- Your IS manager hasn’t the time nor the desire to read your personal emails
Astroman, I love that…mind if I use it?
previewing once is good, but twice would have been better. sigh.
[ul]
[li]Contrary to popular belief, aluminum foil helmets actually* are* effective mind-control ray deflectors when used properly. Tragically, most users wrongly assume that the shiny side should face outward.[/li][li]The letters “H.R.” in H.R. Pufnstuf’s name were not initials, but an abbreviated title, denoting the felt-faced actor’s membership in the British Royal family! Pufnstuf dropped the final “H.” in an apparently-successful bid to keep “the common touch.”[/li][li]78% of the female population of Cherry Grove, New York wear their hair in a mullet. Another 12% are growing out their fades.[/li][li]I made my bones while you were still banging cheerleaders![/li][li]Sterility is hereditary. Or maybe not. Nobody knows for sure.[/li][li]Despite their attempts to be good sports about it, most residents of Scotrun, N.Y. hate it when people refer to their town as “Scrotum.”[/li][li]There is no correct way to pronounce “Long Island.”[/li][li]Green M&Ms have absolutely no effect upon the human libido; however, the clover-shaped marshmallows in Lucky Charms cereal are frequently used by zookeepers to bring captive pandas into heat.[/li][li]67% of all paparazzi are former Jesuit monks![/li][/ul]
-Robots come into your house at night and eat your pills.
-The most frequently used word in Germany is “Scheiss”.
-48% of frogs enjoy yachting.
-Three months without SDMB causes rectal burning sensations.
-Early computers were ran on cottage cheese.
-Dsylexai afefcts 50% fo Amreicans.
-Every tenth penguin has two tails.
-Only Florida’s votes count.
-Three-fourths of this board’s members account for 75% of the board’s population.
-I can’t think of ten things.
Whoops! I almost forgot!
[ul]
[li]Tired of her undeserved notoriety, Graciela “Grassy” Knoll, of Dallas, Texas, recently applied for and was granted a legal name change. Inexplicably, she now wishes to be known as Booker Depository.[/li][li]An anonymous e-mail letter currently circulating on the Web suggests that the doctors in the famous “alien autopsy” film are actually rubber mannequins![/li][/ul]
(Maybe I should have quit while I was ahead!)
[ul]
[li] Apple Jacks cereal is really made up of asbestos and lead fillings.[/li][li]Bill Gates is really a devout Amish. It pains him to no end to be connected to the whole microsoft thing. He mean to invent a hand cranked goose plucker, but something went wrong…[/li][li]Elizabeth Sanford was really murdered in cold blood by Julio. That was episode 3: Julio’s Revenge. That’s why Fred Hated him so.[/li][li]In Spanish, the phrase " Buenos dias" when literally translated, means " May the cold hand of death pass your Microwave and go straight to the blender"[/li][li]1dog year equals 56 human years[/li][li] In Texas, it is against the law to wear your hair in a small beehive. it must exceed 4" from your scalp. Unless you are male. then you must comb over. bald or not.[/li][li]Monkeys at the zoo are fed a diet of green apples and anchovie pizza to discourage them from breaking out.[/li][li]Borris Yeltsin’s middle name was Montgomery.[/li][li]California state laws requires:if you get artificial nails, you must have a palm tree airbrushed on at least one nail.[/li][li]Fireflies only come out in months with an R in them.[/li][/ul]