As I said in the Pit, I am not talking about corporal punishment. There are other forms of punishment. But I don’t see why the kid needs to be punished at all. Can you answer that without fanning the flames?
To whomever mentioned Sensory Defensiveness:
I haven’t read much of it yet, but what I have read really resonates with what I’m hearing from the posters on this thread and my own experiences with a world that’s just too much sometimes.
There is nothing wrong with the kid. Assuming that his sensitivity does not harm him or anyone else, then why in the world would he need to see a doctor? What about his behaviour demands modification? Idiosyncrasy is a fact of life; IMO, anyone who thinks that forcing a 10 year old into the realm of psychiatric medication is reasonable needs of a doctor themself.
Maybe you are not aware of the fact that practically anyone can go into a psychiatrist’s office and be diagnosed with a mental illness, or disorder. The child’s behaviour is not all that odd… just look how many people in this thread have similar “problems”. If he is happy and healthy, he does not need a doctor. Period.
Wait until more of the iceberg is revealed, instead of rushing to a physician for what is the equivalent of a scraped knee.
I must pick that book up. I’ve always been irritated by sound and find every room to be too bright. I remove all labels from clothes. I knew I was uber-sensitive to stimuli but didn’t know there was a name for it. Huh.
Thanks SusanStoHelit
If any of you met my son, you would know what a wonderful child he is. I can tell he is working on being more tolerant.
Just know I was eating a cut up apple. He tried to tolerate it and did for about half of the apple, then had to leave. I said, "oh honey, I'm sorry." And he said, "that's okay, mom." He tried.::sigh:: From the OP:
She expresses concern that it is beyond a quirk or a phase and asks for advice. From the description offered, it sounds as if the child is genuinely irritated despite all efforts to accomodate others.
Since nobody here is qualified to render a diagnostic opinion (and doing so on the basis of the sparse amount of information provided by the OP, and certainly without examining the kid would be ill advised anyway) the suggestion to consult a professional to obtain a qualified opinion on whether it is an actual problem or not is in order. Whether drugs or therapy is indicated is up to the involved parties.
Stranger
neisha, this may be something he can’t control. Please let a doctor look at him to rule out any physical issues.
What if you gave him part of the cut up apple to eat? Would he be able to tolerate it if he were eating along with you?
No. But, he wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings, so he’d wait until he thinks I wouldn’t think he’d be leaving the room because of me.
Well, all I can do is repeat my suggestion to have a pediatrician rule out any physical problems. Then you’ll be in a better position to help your son cope, because unless he moves to the top of Mount Everest, he’s going to need to learn how to tune things out.
Good luck, and please keep us posted.
“It’s gone past being a funny little quirk” … I don’t know what that implies. That it has gotten progressively worse, or what. It seems that neisha is just more aware of it, not that the behaviour is more pronounced, compared to some time previous. My opinion is that it’s not a problem, that he does not need a doctor. The decision is, of course, up to her.
I am against medicating people for conditions that are not harmful. That is all. Medication can do some serious damage to a growing(well, anyone) mind; occassionally the so-called side-effects of the drugs are more detrimental to a person than the illness/disorder/whatever that they are supposed to alleviate. As you’ve said, the paucity of information makes it difficult to evaluate this situation. However - concerning mental illness in general - my advice is: don’t be too quick to medicate and don’t assume that the doctor knows WTF he or she is talking about.
I’d like to point out that not all psychological/psychiatric treatment involves drugs. Behavior modification, for example, can be achieved without pharmaceuticals in many cases. De-conditioning likewise, and it’s been used to treat phobias for years.
Mental health professionals who can’t legally prescribe drugs are more likely to attempt non-medication solutions than MDs, if that’s a concern.
See, the child is obviously polite and probably realises he is acting unusual.
Let’s refrain from punishment solutions and focus on building his tolerance.
When I was little my brother made the most annoying noises when he chewed, I just stopped being near him when he ate. Until we both grew out of it.
I’d still take him to get his hearing checked though.
If you’ll go back through the thread and read the responses, I don’t think that you’ll find that anyone has recommended unreservedly applying a chemical solution. That may be an option, of course, but it is the purview of a physician to even suggest it, much less write a script. Even if there is a diagnosis of some kind of disorder (and it is confirmed by a second opinion) medication is not always the only or even recommended option. You, however, seem fixated on the idea that it’s either pills or nothing.
So, we shouldn’t seek out a professional’s opinion or diagnosis…but we should accept your assessement, that there is no problem?
One more time:
The OPs impression of the situation with her son is that there is a problem. All indications (from subsequent posts) are that the child is generally well-behaved–not bratty, or prone to temper tantrums, et cetera–and she is concerned about the cause of his unusual sensitivity and thge effect of the behavior on her son.
Let’s put it this way; if your kid comes to you and complains about a headache, your first response is to check for fever and then give a couple of Tylenol. But if your child complains of a constant or reoccuring headache (and assuming you are a responsible and concerned parent) you’re going to make an appointment with the doctor to have it checked out. Maybe it’s nothing; maybe it’s just a phase from growth hormones, or stress. Maybe the child is near-sighted. Maybe she gets migraine headaches, or is hypoglycemic. Maybe he has a brain tumor. Could be nothing, could be critical, but if it is chronically uncomfortable or debilitating, you’d have it checked out, no? How is the situation with the OP any different?
Stranger
Often it is. Doctor’s give them out like candy. I’ve been on plenty of medications, and seen plenty of different doctors.
This is IMHO.
He gets annoyed, and leaves the room. Hardly a problem, in my mind. That is his prerogative.
The situation is recurring, thus chronic. Is it also debilitating? I don’t see how, but maybe neisha can clarify. Dunno though, she doesn’t seem very eager to reveal many details.
Does your son drink soda or get lots of sugar? Every once in a while I get this way. Peoples chewing noices will make me want to scream. The ticking of a clock will get on my nerves. Most of the time, I can trace it to having had sugar or caffeine recently.
If your son, at age 10, has learned that some situations you can change, and it’s better to just leave, then he has learned it much sooner then a lot of people.
Oh Neisha, please give your son a big hug from me.
I have been online all evening researching sensory defensiveness, and a couple of days ago ordered the book that someone else mentioned upthread (Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight).
This has been a lifelong problem for me. Obviously, your son’s condition may be only slightly similar to mine, but this post is for all the people who encouraged you to punish him, or force him to deal with it, etc.
One of my earliest memories is of my parents giving me lessons in table manners. The basics, nothing too stringent: Chew with your mouth closed, don’t talk with your mouth open, don’t scrape your fork against your teeth. At some point, by the time I was 6 or 7, I found that sitting through dinner with my family was excruciating. Of course, as a very young child, I did not know how to properly express my frustration and irritation, and unfortunately ended up stomping off in a rage at that age. Pretty quickly, due to my family’s comments of “Oh Jessica, get over it, you’re being too sensitive,” or “We should just lock you in a room with people eating to desensitize you,” I learned to harness my irritation and lock it deep inside.
I learned coping mechanisms for some things that bothered me particularly badly: My dad eating popcorn with a giant spoon? Being in the same room with that would make me scream inside with rage and frustration and all sorts of loud feelings. I would surreptitiously place a pillow or something between my face and him, to block the line of sight. I learned that it hurt my family members for me to show my distaste, so I would act pleasant until I could politely excuse myself, and then get VERY far away. My childhood playmates had, in my mind, grotesque eating habits. When I was maybe 7, I read a book about Colonial America, and latched onto the part that discussed table manners. Something about how children were not allowed to make any noise during dinner time. I made this into a game with my little friends, and called it “Colonial Times”. “Let’s play ‘Colonial Times’, Beth! It’ll be fun, but remember not to make ANY sounds, or else someone will whack us with a beech branch!”
Over time, my condition has gotten both better and worse. All the years of my family telling me to “just get over it” has caused me to push all that frustration inside, which has caused years of depression and anxiety, sometimes severe, once to the point of a suicide attempt. I’m now 27 years old and finally seeking help for this specific problem. I want to get better, because I have a wonderful husband who I love very much, and I would love for him to be able to eat a bowl of cereal without me running from the room (with always a creative excuse). I would like for us to be able to eat dinner with metal forks instead of plastic ones, and I’d like to be able to enjoy a movie at the theater once again, without having to wear earplugs to drown out the sound of people eating popcorn or popping gum. I’d like to be able to walk through a public place without being overwhelmed by the barrage of disgusting mouth and chewing noises [my oversensitivity aside, WHEN did it become acceptable to chew your fucking gum like a cow and make as much noise as possible with it??].
I do realize that, like your son, I AM over-reacting to stimuli that other people might find mildly annoying, or might not even notice. Do you think that I CHOOSE to let this stuff rule my life? Don’t you think that anyone would rather choose not to have this problem, if he could choose?
Other stuff, at random, that bothers me: people clipping fingernails, listening to the TV too loudly (like other people mentioned, I do have acute hearing, but it is NOT a hearing-related issue), of course all mouth & eating noises, other repetitive noise that is not necessary (people tapping pens, chairs, bouncing legs, etc.)
I have been fairly successful in my life, and though I am always bothered by these things, it hasn’t really affected my career terribly. However, even today I decided to call in sick to my job because I knew I’d be working most of the day with a man who spends most of his time either sniffing loudly (always in groups of two!), whistling an tuneless whistle, clicking his pen on and off, or talking loudly to me. Some days I really feel like I am going to punch him in his grinning face. I like him, and have never let on how much he bothers me, because I am too concerned with being polite. The problem is that internalizing all this stuff really does harm to my physical and mental well-being – so this is why treatment is necessary.
I’ve gone on and on, for which I apologize, but this was all just coming to a head for me today and then I discovered this thread. I wish you all the luck in finding help for your son. He is lucky that he has a mom who isn’t immediately spanking him or doing further damage. I would be interested in hearing more as this progresses.
Sincerely – Jujitsuka Jess