Suppose we found out we humans could deliver a questionaire
to The Almighty Himself, and be given straight, unambiguous
answers, what would you ask?
Certain big topics such as the death penalty, homosexuality,
abortion, creation vs evolution, etc. come to mind, but what else?
Why are you so hard to find? You want us to believe in you? Leave some hard evidence. Sheesh!
What’s the “Right” religion/sect?
Have you seen my keys?
Richard Simmons.
WHY???
Just two:
1.Can you build a rock so large that you yourself can’t move it?
2.Who killed Trotsky?
“Was the universe created from a design document written by a committee, or did you just improvise the whole thing?”
About the talent you loaned to Rush Limbaugh, are you angry that the loan went into default?
What is so bad about coveting your neighbors ass?
“Do you actually care what people do or believe during life?”
Did the Balrog have wings?
“If there is Heaven or an equivalent, what do I have to do to get there?” would always seem like a good one.
Why do I have nipples? I’m a guy.
Do I really have free will? For that matter, do you? Did you invent the Laws (as in of physics) or are you governed by them yourself?
And where the heck are my car keys?
Can I have a working Green Lantern ring? I’ll only use it for good, I promise. You can even include that stupid yellow weakness.
Since you are everything, and evil et.al are things, are you evil?
What’s the deal with mosquitos? Is there a point?
If heaven is perfect does that mean I won’t have to see all of those annoying little F***s that I have to work with now, even if they’re good and go to heaven too?
C’mon, guys. I think with a little bit of ingenuity, we ourselves can answer some of these questions. Here, I’ll give it a go:
Why are you so hard to find? You want us to believe in you? Leave some hard evidence. Sheesh!
Ever notice how men have nipples? What more evidence do you need?
What’s the “Right” religion/sect?
If I told you, it’d ruin the fun. But I’ll give you a hint: it’s either the Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Rastafarians, or the Trekkies.
Have you seen my keys?
Yes.
**Richard Simmons.
WHY???**
What can I say? Satan dared me to.
**1.Can you build a rock so large that you yourself can’t move it? **
Yes. Then, if I wanted to, I could move it. Being omnipotent means never having to be logical.
Who killed Trotsky?
Jason Clemmings, of Springfield, Montana.
"Was the universe created from a design document written by a committee, or did you just improvise the whole thing?"
Committee all the way. I hate pantheons!
About the talent you loaned to Rush Limbaugh, are you angry that the loan went into default?
Boy howdy!
What is so bad about coveting your neighbors ass?
It suggests that you see your neighbor only as a sex object. Get to know your neighbor. Take her out to a nice restaurant. Snuggle with her. THEN, maybe, you can start thinking about her ass.
Do you actually care what people do or believe during life?
Totally. People are funny.
Did the Balrog have wings?
Not in its larval form, no.
**If there is Heaven or an equivalent, what do I have to do to get there? **
If you’re coming from I-40, you’ll want to exit at mile marker 53A. Turn left at the bottom of the ramp, go about five miles, until you see a barbeque restaurant on your left with a flashing neon pig sign. Turn right at the restaurant. Go about a quarter mile, and heaven will be there on the right. Big parking lot, dancing angels – you can’t miss it.
Why do I have nipples? I’m a guy.
What better proof that I exist than mannipples?
**Do I really have free will? For that matter, do you? Did you invent the Laws (as in of physics) or are you governed by them yourself?
And where the heck are my car keys?**
No, yes, invented 'em, and I gotcher car keys right here, buddy.
Can I have a working Green Lantern ring?
No.
Since you are everything, and evil et.al are things, are you evil?
Bits of me are.
What’s the deal with mosquitos? Is there a point?
Yes. Mosquitos write the best dirty limericks, if you know how to read their writing.
If heaven is perfect does that mean I won’t have to see all of those annoying little Fs that I have to work with now, even if they’re good and go to heaven too?*
Way to make an assumption about where you’re going!
-God
Okay, um, God, you have known me all my life and I have one question.
Why?