Yeah, noses are damned sensitive, and bleed like hell - and I know that as a sinus issues sufferer, not a pierced person. My sister had sinus surgery and said it was an amazing amount of pain - and just pluck a nose hair and see how much pain is involved from that!
I’d just be worried about it not healing properly if she ever chose to remove it, but that’s probably an individual thing. I got my ears pierced in high school, and stopped wearing them a few years after college. They closed up, but for at least a decade after, every few months one of them would get infected and I’d have to deal with that issue.
My papa made us all wait until we were 14, the reason being that he spent many years ensuring there would be no holes punched into his kids, and seeing us mutilated just made him sad. It always seemed a little silly, while at the same time we could see he meant it: your job as a parent is to see your child doesn’t get hurt and the idea of punching holes in them doesn’t seem right.
I remember his face when my sister got her ears pierced. It wasn’t disappointment in her or anything, he just didn’t understand why she would do that to those precious little ears that he loved and protected from harm. It was sweet and loving, and we got that even at the time.
My rule with my son nothing no facial piercings or tats until he’s 18 and doesn’t need my signature.
As his mother I do NOT want to know about any body piercings, ever.
I don’t care what he wears, or what he does with his hair.
He’s quiet and conservative so none of this ever comes up anyway.
I’ve gone years without earrings and my holes have never closed up.
If you have a nose piercing does snot come out of the hole when you blow your nose? Something I’ve always wondered.
It always makes me laugh when people say “I’m old enough where noserings are an odd thing”. Maybe in white culture, sure, but Indians have been piercing their nose for thousands of years.
That being said, I’d make her wait a couple of years. It won’t hurt her, and that way she can be sure she really wants it. I was made to wait until I was eighteen, and by then my desire for one had not faded at all. So I knew, and my mother knew, that it was not just a passing fad.
Oh yeah, and I’m 37 now, and still wearing a small diamond stud. So, no, it wasn’t passing.
First, let me say that I love nose piercings on the right nose, and that generally speaking, I think that if a person is taking care of their own body (bathing, brushing teeth regularly, handling period products, etc.) then I’m okay with them doing whatever they like with that body that doesn’t cause harm to other people.
But a couple of things that you’ve said here, paired with the girl’s age, make me think this isn’t about a piercing at all:
Sounds like, as is very normal with this age group, she’s trying to figure out where the boundaries are. Sounds like you are, too. Maybe you and she can figure out why you don’t already know them, and who’s going to set them. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s her, maybe it’s the two of you working together. But every relationship has to have boundaries, and when it isn’t clear what those are, people tend to get anxious. Especially teenagers.
Also, teenagers need to rebel. It’s part of the social and mental development process, where they figure out who they are when they’re not being defined by you. Some “good kids” have very quiet small rebellions, and some kids have huge police action involved rebellions. But they all need to do it. So maybe it’s time to give her something to rebel about. Maybe not. Only you know.
Something my very liberal stepmother once told me, in relation to my stepbrother (who is, literally, insane, and so should not be taken as representative of teenagers, but he is a good example of one extreme): “When he stopped cutting his hair, I wasn’t bothered by it, so I didn’t make a fuss. When he stopped brushing his hair, I figured it was his head, so I didn’t make a fuss. Finally he stopped washing it, and that’s when I made a fuss, so that’s what all our fights were about. If I’d just *pretended *that his growing it longer bothered me, he’d have been rebelling with style, not hygiene!” The kid just needed a boundary to break, and he kept pushing and pushing until he found it.
Then again, apparently 13 is the age she has been telling her that she becomes capable of making these stupid decisions* for herself. The right to make bad decisions is going to expand from here on, and this one seems like a pretty good practice round to me. If years later she looks back and thinks how stupid she was to follow the herd and mutilate herself, that’s a valuable lesson learned with minimal damage done.
OP, it sounds to me like you’d rather she not do it, but you are heavily leaning towards letting her. Why not just let her know the actual, hard-to-articulate reason that you’d rather she didn’t get pierced, then tell her how much confidence you have that she makes wise and grown-up decisions for herself and let her decide what to do. Worst case scenario, she regrets a tiny hole in her nose.
The eyebrow leaves you permanently and hideously disfigured later on, but the nose really has little in the way of negative consequences if it turns out her decision was a bad one.
*I’m not saying I think this decision is stupid, but that she has previously been determined by the OP to have the right to make any decision she wants in this respect, even if it’s the wrong one.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I would tell her to wait until she’s 16. If she still wants it then, offer to pay for it yourself as a reward for her patience.
Thirteen-year-olds don’t tend to be reliable when it comes to good decisions. Sure, it completely heals if you take it out, but it does leave a noticeable scar that makes it forever obvious she had a nose ring at one point.
This coming from a guy who finds nose rings either really cute, hot, or both depending on the person.
First mistake, compromise.
You don’t compromise with kids - especially children.
If(for example we’ll use a motorcycle) you had said ‘no you cannot have a motorbike until your eighteen, by which time you are an adult living on your own..’ then that makes sense…
Where did you come up with the age of thirteen? That seems arbitrary.
Like a kid that begs you for a puppy, she’ll get bored/aggravated with it easily. Kids are full of sh**, free parenting tip for you.
All due respect I am highly saddened for you that such a ‘decisions’ requires you “collecting opinions” on the internet.
Do you want her to have it? No? Ok tell her “No N-O No”
My opinion - if you said she would have to wait until she was 13, then she gets to have it done when she’s 13. When I was 8, I asked to get my ears pierced. My mum said I could get them done when I was 12, thinking I would have forgotten by then. I never forgot.
I’m not sure why parents feel it is so important to have a rationale behind the decisions they make. So long as you are logical and consistent most of the time, you can have the occasional ‘because I said so,’ or ‘you can get your nose pierced when I decide you are old enough.’ Life is full of people making irrational decisions that we can’t control (or maybe that’s just my workplace…) so they might as well get used to it!
Part of being a good parent is thinking about the decisions you make and whether or not you’re making the right ones. She may not need a reason for her daughter but she should be able to have a reason for herself.
I say let her go for it, simply because when I was 13 my parents came down hard on me for even the most innocuous forms of self-expression and I am still bitter about it. At 13, it can be her thing. She’s the girl with a nose ring, when most of her friends will not be allowed. Just so long as it is clear that she gets a limited number of these “self-expression” passes, and they are subject to parental veto if they are too irreversible.
(Damn, now I have a sudden urge to get an earring or tattoo or something and then go visit my mom’s grave).
This is my reaction too. I’d certainly forbid any tattoos on anyone young enough that I had the authority to do such forbidding, but with piercings I’d be inclined to say, “Eh, it’s her nose.”
One question, though: Does her school have any policy on piercings?
Even if it does, parental authority supersedes school policy every time. Send her in with a note saying you’ve given her permission to wear it and it’s none of the school’s business.
EDIT: meant to say @Blackberry; good for you for wanting to be reasonable and not just dictate without reasons.
That’s now how it works in schools in the US. Parents, as well as students, are bound by the Student Code of Conduct, which generally includes the Dress Code.
Another point to consider is that the placement for studs and rings are different on the nose, so if she does this she’ll need to understand that the two won’t be interchangeable in the future. If she wants to change up jewelry it would have to be stud for stud, not stud for ring.
It’s highly likely that a piercing gun would shatter the cartilage of her nose, however.
Sorry, the only experience I have with nose rings is that we clip them on cattle as they come through the chutes. After that we have total control of their head, although you probably don’t need that with a teenager.
