[quote]
From the man that brought you corn flakes… John Harvey Kellogg was the superintendent of the Adventist’s Health Reform Institute in Battle Creek, Michigan when he wrote his best-selling antimasturbation book Plain Facts for Old and Young, Embracing the Natural History of Hygiene of Organic Life. He was in fact so committed to sexual abstinence that he apparently never consummated his relationship with his wife.
::snip::
In 1898, Kellogg created a process to produce grain flakes, and thus Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were born. This simple cereal quickly became a central part of his diet plan for stopping sexual desire and masturbation… corn flakes
::snip:::
Kellogg’s brother later went on and added sugar to the plain little flakes, negating their original purpose. Luckily, this made him millions. Masturbators are HUGE market, apparently. John, however, died poor in 1943. Here are some signs from his book that a young man might be masturbator:
**Kellogg’s Signs of Masturbation
Rounded shoulders
Weak Back
Stiffness of the joints
Paleness
Acne
Heart palpitations
Fickleness
Bashfullness
Boldness
Confusion
Disgust at simple foods
Bed wetting
Nail Biting
Consumption-like symptoms
Untrustworthiness **
Nothing about poor eyesight. Interesting.
Bashfulness and boldness? How could you win with this guy? I guess everyone was a masturbator according to Kellogg. And the fact that everyone does it diminishes the contradiction not a whit.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go…um, balance my checkbook. Yeah, that’s it.
HSHP, no it isn’t. Masturbation is a solo act. Any help (including phone sex) isn’t. Of course there are exceptions. Any pornography (including -900) lines is masturbation. Of course that’s my humble opinion. YMMV.
The real question is what if you masturbate on a bed covered in grain flakes “Indecent Prosopal” style? Hmmm… “Honey, get the Total!”
I have to disagree. Many abstinence groups are pushing “mutual masturbation.”
And if the abstinence crowd is for it, it can’t be wrong, now can it?
Masturbating Alice: you are just like every corporate entity I’ve ever encountered. The only reason you do it yourself is because you haven’t found an adequate subcontractor.
And as for the 15 signs- you can apply them all to “puberty.” If I were designing a get-rich-quick scheme, I would diagnose everyone with a nebulous problem, and then charge them money to tell them that they didn’t have it. Kinda like ADD.
Sorry, I meant to do them in the same post, honest. Humour would be best served by just leaving that one stand (no pun), but experience tells me otherwise.
