17,000 posts full of shit...yeah YOU, handy

handy, you are without a doubt the single most worthless poster to these boards. I can’t recall ever reading a single thing you’ve posted that is in the slightest thought-provoking, interesting, or anything other than thoroughly drab and awful. If I see your name as the last poster in a thread I don’t bother opening it, even if it’s a thread I started or have been following, because I know without even bothering to check that anything you’ve added to the thread will be a complete waste of my time.

You obviously take some perverse joy in having a high post count. Well golly, anyone could have a high post count if all they did all day long was post one- or two-sentence posts to threads about which they know nothing and have nothing of any substance to add. Is anyone really impressed by your “accomplishment”?

Normally I wouldn’t care about someone who wanted to shit his pathetic life away trying to impress a bunch of total strangers in cyberspace, but two things have pushed me to this point. First, I have had a hell of a time accessing these boards for the last several days. I go long stretches of time without being able to open threads because, I assume, the servers are busy. And what’s part of what keeps them so busy? Processing your stupid shit. Is the slowness of the boards your fault? No, but you sure as hell aren’t helping with your lame-ass, non-responsive, not worth the bandwidth garbage.

The second thing is this thread. Perfectly good little thread, nice factual question with a nice factual answer, and then in you come, squatting down and taking a giant shit all over it. Your claim of what constitues a legal adult in California is false and your “source” of “some [unnamed] lawyer for a BBS near here” is ridiculous. The correct law in California is accessible through 15 seconds on Google, which I know because I found it in that amount of time and posted it to correct your flat-out wrong information. Maybe instead of unleashing your fumble fingers on the board without having the faintest idea what you’re talking about, you could take those 15 seconds and get the right answer, since after all the boards you love to defecate on so much are supposed to be about fighting ignorance.

I’m not an attorney. I’m also not an engineer or a chemist or a ballet dancer or any one of a thousand other professions represented on these boards. You know what I do when I see a question related to one of those fields? I either do the research before attempting to answer the question or I shut the fuck up. Why don’t you try doing the same?

At what point does posting for the sake of post count cross the line from board participation to trolling? No accusation of the latter here, but I have a pretty good idea in my own mind where that line lies and who’s on what side of it.

catharthic, perhaps, but you know he never reads the pits, don’t you?

I find many of his inputs to be rather informative. He knows his way around a toolbox.

Previous handy pit [url=“http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=8199”]threads. (Just for reference.)

He bugs me too.

Umm, oops.

Previous handy pit threads.

I don’t care to get involved in the mud slinging, but I’ve seen many informative Handy posts along with a few boneheaded ones. Pretty much in line with 99.9% of the posters on this board.

We’ll see if he reads it now.

Well, if this idea that Bricker had - If you post inaccurate info in GQ, can there be a policy that we cut off a finger? thing would change. Granted, I would look stylishly ‘Yakuza’, but ol’ Handy would be in trouble.

I tho ght they alr ady im leme ted th t.

You can still type normal with a missing finger Lieu :smiley:

Meh. While I tend to skip over 95% of handy’s posts because experience has shown that they are rarely informative, it seems to me as though he’s doing his level best, and he’s quite earnest and sincere.

He’s pretty far down my list of pittable Dopers.

:: moving Larry’s name on the list::
:wink:

I think he has improved greatly in the last 7,000 posts or so. They’re still one-liners, but they are much more relevant nowadays.

Or maybe I’m just used to it.

At least Q.E.D. will pass handy in about two years.

Unless he gets hit by a bus. Buses tend to change everything, they’re funny like that.

:stuck_out_tongue:

>>Sheesh, took me 7 tries to get in here. I’m sure as hell posting something now!<<

I was gonna conter-rant with an accusation of exagerating handy’s count…but as of now he’s at 16,949. Holy Crap! Judging from how slow the SDMB is he must have 5 computers auto-posting 24/7 just to get that many posts. He deserves some credit just for the feat!

Wouldn’t it be great if the SDMB had a BS-ometer?

That way if you posted something stupid–or positively wrong (i.e. age of consent is 21 instead of 18, which fact could likely result in someone abstaining unncessarily from mind-blowing consentual sex) you could get a pop-up message saying something like:

“The information you are posting is incorrect. Do you wish to proceed?”
or
“This is a lame post and will cause you to be flamed by such flawless posters as Otto, John Mace and Dark Angel. Do you wish to post this lame-ass message?”

Unfortunately, there isn’t one. While I agree in spirit to Otto’s assertion that handy posts too much and it’s folks like him…and arguably myself, Larry Mudd, and Lieu (!)…who bog down the board, I must agree with some others that at least “numerous” of Handy’s posts are useful or thought-provoking. I am not about to research every poster on this site and assign a “Usefulness Rating,” but I’d be willing to bet that 99.9% of us are guilty of allowing our evil twins to post absolute garbage on occasion.

My evil twin shows up frequently I am afraid, but at least HE stays mainly in THE PIT where the flames don’t hurt so much. getting flamed IN a GQ…now THAT hurts!

To be clear…

I’m not saying I am “flawless” or that any poster is flawless. Hell, I even posted an urban legend to a GQ thread once. Nor am I saying that one can never post something in a spirit of fun or whimsey that’s off the main track of the thread. And hey, if handy actually has some knowledge or expertise on a subject, then more power to him if he posts it. I haven’t seen a post of his which indicates he does, but others say they have so good for him. My bitch with him is his incessant need to post and post and post in threads about which he clearly knows nothing and can contribute nothing as if he actually has a clue in hell what he’s talking about. The thread I posted was the last in a long and unbroken string of posts in which he posted either a complete non-sequitor, a “me-too” post clearly designed for no purpose but to boost his post count, or factually incorrect information. He can be as earnest and sincere as he possibly can be but earnestness and sincerity don’t make his nonsensical misinformation acceptable. If he’s not a troll, he has a high troll quotient.

The tongue was firmly in the cheek. No offense meant.

(got another one! Look out handy!))

Not

but

That’ll get him. :wink:

I can understand your frustration in accessing the boards…
even at its fastest, I am still stuck with a
rusty-two-legged-malnourished-dyslexic-hamster-driven-modem…
with an attitude.
However, don’t we have an “ignore” button on this site ? (I am too lazy to look right now.)
I am not going to comment on your rant or the subject of your rant…I just wanted to “up my post count” !!!

:smiley: <-------- = Joke