The GQ thread about KFC reminded me of a couple of their commercial jingles.
Keeee-entucky, Friiiiiiied Chicken! was part of one.
Get a bucket of chicken
(Finger lickin’ good!)
Have a barrel of fun
(Goodbye ho-hum!)
Say hello to your family
(Come on everyone!)
At Kuntukey Fried Chicken
Have a barrel of fun!
That was another (allegedly written by Barry Manilow).
And that turned my thoughts to jingles in general.
Crazy Wheels (bicycle tires) Crazy Wheels!
Crazy Wheels!
Red, blue yellow
Orange and green
Makin’ the scene!
Alka-Seltzer Plop, plop!
Fizz, fizz!
Oh, what a relief it is!
Dole Bananas A Dole banana is a great banana
And it’s great because it’s Dole.
Because it’s Dole!
Fig Newtons Ooey-gooey rich and chewy inside
Golden flaky tender cakey outside
Wrap the inside in the outside, is it good? Darn-tootin’!
Doin’ the big
Fig
Newton!
(Here’s the tricky part)
The Big
Fig
Newton!
And do I have to mention… I’d like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I’d like to buy the world a Coke a
And keep it company
Ken-L-Ration dog food
*My dog’s faster than your dog
My dog’s bigger than yours
My dog’s better
'Cause he gets Ken-L Ration
My dog’s better than yours. *
Libby’s canned foods When it says Libby’s, Libby’s, Libby’s
On the label, label, label
You will like it, like it, like it
On your table, table, table
When it says Libby’s, Libby’s, Libby’s
On the label, label, label!
Armor Hot Dogs Hot dogs
Armor hot dogs
What kind of kid eats Armor hot dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids
Kids who climb on rocks
Tough kids, sissy kids
Even kids with chicken pox like
Hot dogs
Armor hot dogs
The dogs
Kids
Love
To
Bite!
McDonald’s Big Mac
Two all-beef patties
Special sauce
Lettuce, cheese
Pickles, onions
On a sesame seed bun!*
Taco Bell Come to Taco, Taco, Taco, Taco, Taco
Taco, Taco, Taco, Taco, Taco
Taco Bell!
Band-Aid adhesive strips I am stuck on Band-Aid
'Cause Band-Aid sticks to me
I drink Dr Pepper and I’m proud
I’m part of an original crowd
And if you look around these days
There seems to be a Dr Pepper craze
ohhh
I’m a Pepper
He’s a Pepper
She’s a Pepper
They’re a Pepper
Wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper, too
Be a Pepper, drink Dr Pepper (vamp & fade)
Yamaha
*Get aboard the Silver Bird,
It’s a magical machine.
Satisfy your Walter Mitty mind,
Tryin’ out a dream.
Your sign is Capricorn and
Every corner of your mind
Says you’ll remain my friend,
A friend for all my time.
Yamaha, won’t you fly me away,
Yamaha, take me into the day,
Yamaha, come and give me a ride
And let us go see
What’s on the other side.
Yamaha, won’t you fly me away.
Yamaha, today is the day. *
Suzuki Forget your troubles
Get on Suzuki
Honda Get yourself a Honda
Built like a watch that was meant to last a hundred years!
I used to have Barry Monilow Live on 8-track (don’t ask why), and on it he does a medley of commercial jingles that he wrote or was otherwise involved in. That was one of them.
My bologna has a first name
It’s O-S-C-A-R
My bologna has a second name
It’s M-A-Y-E-R
I love to eat it every day
And if you ask me why I’ll say
'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way
With B-O-L-O-G-N-A
Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
That is what I’d truly like to be
Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me
I can’t remember all the words of this jingle. But there was an horrific commercial in Canada for Labatt’s Blue, circa 1975. The visuals were middle-class, suburban white people in polyester leisure suits and white flared slacks with ugly, patterned shirts with massive collars, milling about in a suburban rec room. The music was totally lame, white-people imitation of watered down disco, and the words I wish I could forget were: “Disco me, disco you, disco Blue…”
Gawd, it was awful!
(Last part of) Wienerschnitzel At der happy Wienerschnitzel!
Yum, yum! Hot dog!
Freakies cereal We are the Freakies!
We are the Freakies!
And this is the Freakies Tree
We never miss a meal
'Cuz we love our cer-e-eal
Bumblebee Tuna Yum, yum Bumblebee, Bumblebee tuna
I love Bumblebee, Bumblebee tuna
Yum, yum Bumblebee, Bumblebee tuna
I love a sandwich made with Bumblebee
(I have a nice ska version of this. )
Budweiser beer Here comes the king,
Here comes the big Number One,
(Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom)
Budweiser Beer, the king is second to none.
(Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom)
The king is coming, let it be known;
When you’ve said Bud, you’ve said it all,
When you’ve said Bud, you’ve said it all.
Dah dah dah dah
Dah dah dah
Da dah dah dah
McDonald’s McDonald’s in my kind of place
It’s such a happy place
(And here’s where I can only remember the ‘alternate lyrics’)
They take your license plates
Put mustard in your face!*
When you say Bud
You’ve said a lot of things nobody else can say
When you say Bud
You say you care enough to only want the very best…
Who’s the McGreatest McClown of them all
In the spring, summer, winter, and fall?
Whose smile is happiest?
Whose food is crappiest?
Ronald. Ronald McDonald!
I’m sure that’s not quite right, but I can’t for the life of me remember what the correct lyrics are. And they don’t seem to be online anywhere. I even vaguely remember having a McDonald’s Coloring Calendar with the words to that jingle in it.
Kawasaki lets the good times roll
Kawasaki lets the good times roll
Get aboard, get away
And you’re gonna say
Let the good times roll
(paraphrasing this next one)
Pioneer car stereos
Super systems on the go
Pioneer car stereos
Takin’ the best on the road
Play me some music
(Let me hear you play my song)
Play me some music
(Play it loud, play it strong)
You. You’re the one.
Filet o Fish we’re fixin
You. You’re the one
…
At McDonalds, we do it all for you!
From the land of sky blue water.
Hamm’s. The beer refreshing.
Hamm’s. The beer refreshing.
Hammmmm’s.
Interestingly, an old, old ad from Chicago has been revived. Apparently, what was a local carpet shop has gone national and now coast to coast, we can hear the chorus sing “Eight Hundred. Five Eight Eight Two Three Hundred. Empire!” The animated version of the original Empire Carpet guy unfurling a roll of carpet is a bit creepy for some reason.
What product was that from? 
)