2 Truths / 1 Lie III

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21
  1. Me and two friends pissed off the Brooklyn Bridge in broad daylight
  2. Me and two friends drank 11 cases of beer in 6 hours
  3. Me and two friends swam in the Bronx River-- and didn’t get lockjaw.
22
  1. Me and two friends pissed off the Brooklyn Bridge in broad daylight
  2. Me and two friends drank 11 cases of beer in 6 hours
  3. Me and two friends swam in the Bronx River-- and didn’t get lockjaw.
23

Here ya go:

  1. I hitched a ride on a hot air balloon that crash-landed in my backyard.

  2. I was sold in a bachelor auction.

  3. My half-brother died of AIDS while in prison.

Can’t wait to see which one y’all think is false…

24

OpalKitty, I had my uvula removed with my tonsils and adnoids in an operation to cure my sleep apnea condition.
#2 was the lie. I have the anchovies on the side with my pineapple pizza.

25

Max - 1
Biggirl - 3
Rose - 1
Mulli - 3

You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.

26

  1. I stole "The Teachings of Buddha from a Japanese hotel room, but made up for the impending bad karma by actually reading it.

  2. I once flew 4,000 miles just to get laid.

  3. I am the president of Latvia.

27
  1. I have not had an alcoholic drink in over 20 years.
  2. I chew my tongue almost constantly, driving
    everyone around me crazy.
  3. I just now realized that “Doper” doesn’t have
    anything to do with drugs.
28

[ol]

  • My ex-wife was almost 30 years younger than me.
  • My ex-wife was groped by a major motion picture star.
  • I was never hen-pecked or told what to do by my ex-wife even once in my entire marriage.
    [/ol]
29

(Did someone call for…Useless Medical Information Man?)

As a matter of fact they do.

There’s a procedure called a uvulopalatopharyngoplasty, in which they remove the uvula and much of the surrounding tissue. It’s done in people with severe obstructive sleep apnea who don’t respond to CPAP or just don’t want to wear a mask to sleep every night from now on.

Trouble is, it only works in about 50% of the people who get it done, and it’s very painful. Most of the people for whom it does work, though, say it’s absolutely worth it. A patient in the sleep clinic also told me that it has the unfortunate side effect of rendering one unable to make pig noises.

(Thanks, Useless Medical Information Man!)

Dr. J

30

  1. I once sat and sang Beatles songs to a fish (in an aquarium) in a bar in Hong Kong

  2. I have had sex on board a US Navy ship

  3. I have no uvula

31

ahem

  1. I’ve lit my backyard on fire.
  2. I’ve never lived in the same house for more than two years.
  3. I’ve been worked on twice by a plastic surgeon.
32
  1. I lived in an igloo for a short period of time as a kid
  2. at 5’2 Im the tallest of four females in my family
  3. my bedroom is painted bright orange
33

[ol]
[li]I drank an entire fifth of Jose Cuervo one afternoon[/li][li]I drank an entire fifth of Captain Morgan’s one afternoon[/li][li]I drank an entire fifth of Jack Daniel’s one afternoon[/li][/ol]

Sue: 3
Mega: 2
Geo: 3
Iswote: 3
Annie: 1
Zico: 3
Max: 2

34
  1. I am probably the youngest doper here (or ever)
  2. I have been kidnapped
  3. I am a pathological Liar
35

Hmmm. I have too many. How about I post a bunch and of which 25% will be lies?

  1. My first car was totaled when a friend hit a pregnant miniature donkey with it.

  2. Y’know the guy in American Pie that sings in the choir? The “Suck me, beautiful” one? One of my good friends knew him in HS, and I have a few very close ties to him. Chris Klein.

  3. I have a mild case of the “Micheal Jackson” disease.

  4. I once drank 2 fifths of Green Apple Puckers, a six pack, three orange Two Dogs, and about a quarter of a fifth of Capt. Morgans between 1 pm and 9 pm, but I was effectively out of the game by about 6. Between 6 and 9 I had probably two beers and a Two Dog. I did not get a hangover.

  5. My friend’s dad drives a Viper (Hennessey 650R to be exact)

  6. I lost my virginity to a girl I had never met, and have never seen since.

  7. I can draw a perfect blueprint of any house I have ever been in, no matter how long it has been since I was last there.

  8. Every time I eat chili then drink, I projectile vomit.

Hmm… I seem to recall having about twenty when I started writing this. Where did they go?

–Tim

36

BigGirl, 2 - Max, 1 - Omni I have no idea - Homer, 8 - and all the other latest few, 3.

Now me:

  1. My uncle was the prime minister of Denmark.
  2. At the age of 12 I had to wear a DD bra.
  3. For a while I earned my living by busking.
37
  1. I come from Ruthenia.
  2. My car key only works in the driver’s door and ignition.
  3. My yard waste collection stops in July
  4. My aunt in Ruthenia, usuallu housebound, is out for 2 days, still unreachable.
  5. I gotta hang up cause of 4
38

Zico: The president of Latvia does NOT live in Redmond, Washington. She presumably lives in Riga, although she is a linguist from Montreal. (I’m in good company.)

My statements:

  1. I have had sex with at least three men who are more than twice my age.
  2. I have broken several sex laws or caused someone to break them by having sex with me.
  3. I have had sex three times in a public place.
39

OK, what the hell…

  1. I escaped from a mental hospital where I was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and held against my will.

  2. I was abruptly evicted from a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with manic-depressive psychosis, for organizing the patients as a chapter of “mental patients’ liberation front”.

  3. My fully licensed shrink is a homeless woman hiding from Child Protective Services with her kid, and she agrees that I should not take psychiatric drugs, but LSD instead.

40

  1. I was lead singer for a band that was the opening act for '80s metal gods Quiet Riot.

  2. A Most Valuable Player winner for the National Hockey League hung out with me for a couple hours once.

  3. I almost had something go VERY wrong my first (and last) time skydiving.