I think I can help ya somewhat with your problem.
See, I’m an IT guy. I have worked with 6 different computer guys named Dave. 4 of them were openly gay. The other 2 I didn’t know personally that well, but indicators pointed towards them being gay.
So it seems obvious that
Ergo: You are a man.
I hope that helps with your situation.
Well, as I seem to recall from another recent thread, you are married and living on another continent, so that pretty much rules you right out. Unless you were lying, but then that rules you out anyway. Sorry. 
What, no pizza with that six-pack? I must be slumming.
I’ll back you up on that. And besides, enthusiasm and willingness to learn counts for a lot, sometimes more than upfront skill (or skill upfront, however you want to think of it). A guy who knows what he’s doing but doesn’t have his heart in it is sometimes worse than no guy at all. Just ask my ex.
Here’s a thought for the OP: how about getting off your ass and leaving your house to meet men? Your complaints arouse about as much sympathy in me as someone who complains because the telemarketers calling her aren’t offering good enough deals. It seems to me you’re getting about what the effort you’ve invested deserves.
Thanks for your support. You know, I leave my house every morning. I have friends, and family, and hobbies, and a job. I travel, attend cultural events, lectures, and all sorts of activities. You don’t know squat about what I do in my free time.
But I have always been rather shy about approaching complete strangers in group situations. And I can’t deal with cigarette smoke, which pretty much rules out bars. I’m not proud of being too shy to approach people most of the time - sometimes I think my sister got all the family flirtation genes - and I have tried very hard to overcome it. One-on-one situations are more comfortable for me. It was diffficult, and took a long time, fo rme to do even this much. I’m making an effort in my own way.
And well, negative reinforcement was never one of my personal favorites. I hope it works for you elsewhere.
Not that it’s any help for you, Eva, but man, that’s an attractive response to unpleasantness. Really.
Lizard, why not make a visit to the proctologist and have your assumptions examined?
Some of us bald guys are* still* hot, ya know…
Hey, I remember Captain Picard ending up in the sack a few times.
[Soothing tone]Yes, yes, of course you are.
My profile said a head of hair was optional, but men with hair in their ears need not apply. My tone was kind of sarcastic humor. I had about 50 replies and “dates” for coffee over the next month and I hate coffee! Hubby was #48. Men seem to lie about their height and their hobbies. I just wanted someone at least a tiny bit taller than me and who enjoys doing something, anything. I’m 5’7" and I am actually bright enough to know when someone is shorter than I am. Advice for the guys. Keep it light to start with and **DO NOT ** bring a dozen long-stemmed red roses to Denny’s. It scares the hell out of us!!! 
I hear you, but you have to understand that it’s tough for us shorties. I’m 5’5, and here’s what’s rough: Almost all of the women 5’5 and over want a man taller than they are. O.K., that sucks, but I’ll deal. But here’s what really chapped my hide - women who are under 5’5 almost all want tall men too. It’s just absurd; you see ads where the woman is only 5 feet tall but insists that she only date men 5’10 and over. I’m sorry, but men are not, on average 10 INCHES taller than women. At some point, the math breaks down, and someone is going without a date.
Hmmm…that might be the problem, actually. If all the women are competing for the tallest 30 or 40 percent of men (not to mention the top 20% income bracket), that would explain why some of you are having so much trouble.
Since the profile was to state my preferences, that’s what I did. It actually was the lie more than the height issue. Lying before the first date is a red flag to me. I am a medium sized person and no that doesn’t mean over 200 pounds, thank you, just not petite. If a guy was shorter than I was, he at least needed to be stocky, muscular or even a little over-weight. I just didn’t want to be “bigger” than he was. It’s a girly thing. Still no hairy ears though.
Oh, I know! But let’s jut say it wasn’t a look that worked on him. And the main point is: how can you have salt-and-pepper hair if you’re bald?
Hmmmm…I just realized how one might do that. And it’snot a thought I care to explore further in this instance…
So date a women under 5’5! (My boyfriend is 5’5 and I’m 5’2. So it *is * possible. )
Well, y’know, Eva, I’m only one year over your age range, and I’ve still got my own hair, so …
The Plain People of the Straight Dope: She’s not going to go out with you, Steve.
Oh? And why not, might I enquire?
The Plain People of the Straight Dope: Because she’s met you.
… Oh. Yes. Right. I was forgetting that …
Get lost Steve I saw her first.
Another continent. . .wife. . . children. aw Eve don’t get hung up on details, besides Aldebaran just convinced me polygamy is the way to go. Come around (remember the beer and pizza) you’ll show me how to wear funny American clothes and talk loud in public, I’ll show you how to eat raw herring and drink snaps till you pass out. It’ll be great!
**Steven, Winston, ** now now boys, no squabbling!
Actually, if you want to be technical, Winston, Steven did actually meet me first. In person and everything. There are even photos to prove it. And Steven, unless you’ve moved recently, you also live on another continent. No hard feelings, OK? I’m sure there is some lovely woman out there for you, and if the BritDopers would get off their rear ends and fix you up (hint, hint if you’re reading this, BritDopers), maybe you’ll meet her sooner rather than later.
Another note to Winston: I’m not so good with the schnapps, but raw herring (OK, pickled, but still technically raw) is Ashkenazi Jewish soul food. I’ve been eating it since I had teeth. Northeast European origins and all, you know. And I don’t know how much I can help you with the loudness and funny clothes: remember, if I were extroverted I might not be having this problem. And today I happen to be wearing jeans, which are pretty universal at this point, and a lovely and very practical and warm Scandinavian sweater.
So see? We’re really all not as different as we think sometimes.
My experience with online personal ads wasn’t too good, either. (Please look up my rant last July, “I can’t get a date – on a DATING site!” August wasn’t an improvement.) Sometimes I would put a lot of enthusiasm into my initial contact email, and get no reply. In retrospect, I think at least part of that was the site’s fault, the ladies might not have been paying customers. The other part may have been my personal curse, Trying Too Hard.
Several other times, once I contaced a lady, she replied to me, we talked on email (or phone) for about a week, I’d raise the subject of meeting in person… and she never returned that message.
And one lady contacted me, so I read her profile. She was very specific about the kind of man she was looking for – and it was so NOT me, that I had no idea why she might be interested in me. She was specifically looking for a man she could wrap around her little finger, which certainly isn’t me. So either she was honestly a Rich Bitch or a Gold-digger – and I wasn’t interested in either of those – or else she was putting up a false front. There’s a certain amount of fluff in any advertising campaign, including personal ads, but I’m not about to spend my time on someone who won’t talk reasonably honestly about themselves (nor on someone who is honest and is not my type, but that’s not a point to rant about).
Eva – I meet one and a half of your criteria; I’m in your age range, and my name’s not Dave. If I can’t have a date with you, do I at least get a raisin?
I was best man last summer for a very good friend’s wedding. We gave him Kama Sutra as a bachelor party gift. He said he was going to take it on the honeymoon. 
Any guy who doesn’t have that book memorized ought to be eager and willing to work directly from the manual, given the right partner.
Luckily, the last Dave we sent to you was wired for sound and taped the date. Here are the excerpts:
when ordering at the restaurant:
http://www.palantir.net/cgi-bin/file.cgi?file=wav/info.wav
When he was told ‘no kiss at the door’:
http://www.palantir.net/cgi-bin/file.cgi?file=wav/stresspi.wav
His attmpts to see if you were playing ‘hard to get’:
http://www.palantir.net/cgi-bin/file.cgi?file=wav/dave.wav
When you said no means no:
http://www.palantir.net/cgi-bin/file.cgi?file=wav/cantdo.wav
Even the sex-talk after you finally gave in:
http://www.palantir.net/cgi-bin/file.cgi?file=wav/feelit.wav
And of course, how you ended the conversation afterwards:
http://www.palantir.net/cgi-bin/file.cgi?file=wav/goodbye.wav
*you’ll need to cut & paste the link to a browser.