65 years old, blind, suffering from dementia, and now crippled...[update: passed away]

[Helena330]

I’m so sorry, Kaylasdad. What a rough situation. Hugs.

[Steve_McQwark]

I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through, kaylasdad. It really sucks to have to make critical decisions when your partner is the one the decisions are being made for and is incapable of participating. The mantra that I used to help me get through it was that there was nothing I could do to heal my wife so I just tried to keep her as safe and comfortable as I could. And, as has been pointed out by others, take care of yourself just as fervently as you take care of her.

[kaylasdad99]

I had a meeting today with the head of kaylasmom’s neurocritical care team. Kayla and my sister the bioethicist was participated via FaceTime.

The doctor discussed the likelihood of maylasmom ever returning to a baseline of cognitive function equivalent to where she was even last week - very slim, given the deficits she was already living with, and even that would involve months in a skilled nursing facility, mostly on a feeding tube. He focused a lot on what she would likely deem an acceptable quality of life, both long and short term.

In the end, Kayla and I decided to limit her treatment to palliative care. I’m going in tomorrow morning to discuss setting up a hospice plan.

[kaylasdad99]

nm, fucking double post

[Siam_Sam]

Sending good thoughts your way.

[ThelmaLou]

Kaylasdad99, I’m so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. I wish you deep peace, my friend.

[kaylasdad99]

@flatlined

I am so sorry that things have gotten so bad. As I recall, you are in southern California. I’m pretty sure that the mods would be very willing to allow you to start a thread asking for CA Dopers to help dog sit.

I also know that you probably don’t want to deal with that right now, so just find a doggy boarding place, message me with the contact info and I’ll pay them for a couple of weeks.

You are a good man, and I know that you are doing the best you can in a real fucked time. If you post a thread asking for help, we will be there for you. I mean, we are here now, but a new thread might be helpful…just because…

Thanks flatlined. I’ve got an idea for one, and have asked mods for permission to start it.

Now we wait.

[kaylasdad99]

@flatlined

I am so sorry that things have gotten so bad. As I recall, you are in southern California. I’m pretty sure that the mods would be very willing to allow you to start a thread asking for CA Dopers to help dog sit.

I also know that you probably don’t want to deal with that right now, so just find a doggy boarding place, message me with the contact info and I’ll pay them for a couple of weeks.

You are a good man, and I know that you are doing the best you can in a real fucked time. If you post a thread asking for help, we will be there for you. I mean, we are here now, but a new thread might be helpful…just because…

Thanks flatlined. I’ve got an idea for one, and have asked mods for permission to start it.

Now we wait.

[asahi]

@kaylasdad99

Spoke with a doctor about her condition and how serious it is. They were doing an MRI. She’s on an IV antibiotic to guard against any possible brain infection, and she’s also being given anticonvulsant drugs to ensure that the seizures don’t return.

A spinal tap is planned for today to check for meningitis. Her blood pressure is low and they have her on a drug to keep it raised. Her heart enzymes showed that her heart has been pretty stressed by the whole ordeal.

The doctor wanted me to authorize the spinal tap because it carries risks for bleeding and infection. He also spoke of how aggressively she would want to be treated in the event her condition worsened or she went into cardiac arrest. I know that she would not want to spend the rest of her life on a feeding tube or ventilator, and said that I’d authorize any diagnostic procedures on her behalf, but I’d need to consider the permanence of any treatment-type procedures before authorizing them. That is, if the treatment could be expected to be withdrawn once she is in recovery, I’d go ahead and authorize it.

Just wanna say, you’re a warrior.

Sorry life has thrown you some shit your way but you’ll get through it.

[Jeff_Lichtman]

@kaylasdad99

In the end, Kayla and I decided to limit her treatment to palliative care. I’m going in tomorrow morning to discuss setting up a hospice plan.

I know this is very painful for you and Kayla, even though I’m sure you’re making the right decision. Again, I’m very sorry for you and your whole family.

[kaylasdad99]

@asahi

Just wanna say, you’re a warrior.

Sorry life has thrown you some shit your way but you’ll get through it.

Thank you, asahi, that means a lot.

In fact, many thanks to all of you for all of the support you have shown us over the years on this.

[thorny_locust]

@kaylasdad99

In the end, Kayla and I decided to limit her treatment to palliative care. I’m going in tomorrow morning to discuss setting up a hospice plan.

Sounds like that was very much the right choice to make. Making the right choice doesn’t make it easy, though. Sending my thoughts and best wishes.

[carnut]

@thorny_locust

Sounds like that was very much the right choice to make. Making the right choice doesn’t make it easy, though.

This. My mother made that decision for my dad. They had discussed it when his memory problems first appeared. Then we prepared to make it for her with cancer and what was probably cancer-related-dementia for her, but she was able to make it for herself. It’s a very hard and very beautiful thing to do.

Regarding your lovely pup, if you can’t find enough sitters, consider asking a shelter to help find a temporary foster for him. I have a friend who did this when his house burned down. When he found a new place, he retrieved Rascal from the foster family. Wonderful service other humans provide.

Best to you and yours, may all go as well as possible.

[VOW]

@kaylasdad99

In the end, Kayla and I decided to limit her treatment to palliative care. I’m going in tomorrow morning to discuss setting up a hospice plan.

The doctor sounds wonderfully wise and compassionate.
~VOW

[kaylasdad99]

@carnut

This. My mother made that decision for my dad. They had discussed it when his memory problems first appeared. Then we prepared to make it for her with cancer and what was probably cancer-related-dementia for her, but she was able to make it for herself. It’s a very hard and very beautiful thing to do.

Regarding your lovely pup, if you can’t find enough sitters, consider asking a shelter to help find a temporary foster for him. I have a friend who did this when his house burned down. When he found a new place, he retrieved Rascal from the foster family. Wonderful service other humans provide.

Best to you and yours, may all go as well as possible.

As to Oliver, I have four sisters, and the one from Tempe, AZ is going to come out and take him back with her. We’ve been allowed to have him as an emotional support animal for kaylasmom, and that role is going away.

[Mrs_Fairway]

After reading this thread, my heart breaks for you and everything you all have been through and continue to go through. My thoughts are with you while you make these difficult decisions. Please let us know if there is anything we can do.

[Locrian]

This is so terrible. I’m so sorry for all of this, kaylasdad99. We’re with you in support all the way.

[kaylasdad99]

Having sought and received authorization to do so, I’ve created a thread asking for assistance.

[iiandyiiii]

Best wishes to you and family, very sorry to hear this.

[Green_Bean]

I’m so sorry to hear that you and yours are goinf through this. Sending good wishes to you, Kaylasmom, and Kayla.