I am so sorry.
Damn. So sorry you’re going through this. Wishing you the continued stamina you need for this next part of what’s been a very rough ride.
Very sorry to hear this; best wishes.
So sorry for both of you going through this.
How horrible for you. I’m sorry you and your wife are going through this.
StG
I am so sorry to see this, kaylasdad. Keeping you in my thoughts.
I wish I had the wisdom in words that could ease you and your family’s sufferings, but I don’t. What a long hard road.
Day by day, and we’re all thinking of you.
I’m so sorry. Best wishes. Take care of yourself.
May you and your family know peace.
~VOW
Oh no! I’m so sorry this happened.
Spoke with a doctor about her condition and how serious it is. They were doing an MRI. She’s on an IV antibiotic to guard against any possible brain infection, and she’s also being given anticonvulsant drugs to ensure that the seizures don’t return.
A spinal tap is planned for today to check for meningitis. Her blood pressure is low and they have her on a drug to keep it raised. Her heart enzymes showed that her heart has been pretty stressed by the whole ordeal.
The doctor wanted me to authorize the spinal tap because it carries risks for bleeding and infection. He also spoke of how aggressively she would want to be treated in the event her condition worsened or she went into cardiac arrest. I know that she would not want to spend the rest of her life on a feeding tube or ventilator, and said that I’d authorize any diagnostic procedures on her behalf, but I’d need to consider the permanence of any treatment-type procedures before authorizing them. That is, if the treatment could be expected to be withdrawn once she is in recovery, I’d go ahead and authorize it.
In more mundane matters, I’ve got a 65-pound black Lab with separation anxiety and some neighbors in the complex who don’t much care for listening to him frantically whine for hours on end, so I need to think about finding some way of parking him somewhere for the foreseeable future.
In the last few years of my dad’s life, I had some conversations with doctors and other medical personnel about things like feeding tubes, ventilators, CPR, and the like. They were really helpful. He was in the Kaiser system, and they have programs and personnel to help people make decisions about these things. If there’s anything like this available to you, it would be a good idea to take advantage of it now.
Again, I’m really sorry that you and kaylasmom are going through this terrible ordeal.
Jesus fuck. I am so sorry you’re having to go through this shit. I’ve seen you around the Dope often enough to know you’re one of the good guys (and even if I hadn’t, reading this thread would demonstrate that).
Were you ever able to consult with an eldercare attorney? Mrs. SMV is a clinical social worker, and when her mother began to suffer from dementia, colleagues were able to refer her to another LCSW who specializes in geriatrics and dementia (they call her “the old lady whisperer”). We had a very helpful session with her, and that was one of her recommendations.
Coping with her mother’s dementia is hard enough on Mrs. SMV. I can’t imagine having to deal with all kaylasmom’s physical problems on top of that. Strongly echoing others’ advice to look after your own mental and physical health; if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of her.
All this shit, and you’re still able to keep a sense of humor? See, this is what makes you a solid guy and an asset to the board. Try the “retro” or “vintage” category on PornHub, and try not to get depressed that the porn movies we snuck into the Pussycat Theater with our dads’ ID to see are now considered “vintage”. 
This is a most difficult subject. And I discuss it now from a position of pure love.
Both of my parents, at many times, separately and together, emphasized to my sister and me that they did not want “heroic measures.” If either of them were at the end of life, we were to let them go.
During my grandmother’s last hospitalization (mother’s mother), she kept grabbing people by the wrist and saying, “That piece of paper!” She also wanted no heroic measures, and had signed a paper attesting that.
I talked to my mother and her sisters. I told them that under the circumstances, antibiotics could be considered a “heroic measure.” You do not HAVE to take antibiotics, even if they are prescribed. My grandmother was never going to get better, and antibiotics would just prolong the inevitable.
My mother went to the doctor and refused the antibiotics. He looked her in the eye and said, “You are making a wise decision.”
Momma and Daddy eventually had their last hospitalizations. And my sister and I were both in complete agreement to tell the doctors we wanted no antibiotics, no supportive drugs, just make them comfortable. I even had the nursing staff remove that damnable automatic blood pressure cuff from my mother’s arm. She had bruises where it had pinched her skin when it would inflate.
In your case, kaylasdad99, it’s useless to ask what your wife would want. If she never prepared an Advanced Directive, you are the one responsible. It’s not necessary for you to have a crystal ball to see past events, or to become a mind reader.
In no way, shape, or form am I advocating euthanasia or assisted suicide. Please, forgive me if I have given anyone that impression. I simply am explaining that damn near everything in medical science is “extreme” these days. The cornucopia of drugs, the fancy procedures, and especially the antibiotics are really “heroic measues” to someone in your wife’s circumstances.
Just something to think about. Talk to the doctors, see a social worker, consult a spiritual advisor.
~VOW
I’m so sorry you’ve got so much to deal with. If I were closer, I’d offer to foster your dog until you could take him back. Perhaps the SPCA or your vet could help you find an option like that.
When my mother-in-law was so sick recently, we got some very good information from an eldercare specialist. For example, after 3 days in the hospital your wife can be transferred to a skilled nursing home, MediCal pending. MediCal will cover the bills. MediCal pending simply means that the institution will take her in without expecting you to pay for it while you get MediCal sorted.
I’ll mention that I was able to speak with folks over the phone. They will do site visits and patient evaluation. In our case, they were able to get us started down the right path just over the phone, which was a tremendous help.
Here is a link to an eldercare resource site that we found helpful: https://www.aginglifecare.org/
Here is a link to the government resource site: Eldercare Locator
hugs
Sorry to hear about this latest downturn, kaylasdad. Best thoughts to you and your family.
I just wanted to say you’re making wise decisions, kaylasdad. Do you have emotional support at hand? While you’re making wise decisions, none of them are easy, and it helps to have someone to talk to (in addition to us, of course). If you have nobody, the hospital social worker might be a good alternative.
I’m sorry for all that you’re having to deal with. Good luck.
I am so sorry that things have gotten so bad. As I recall, you are in southern California. I’m pretty sure that the mods would be very willing to allow you to start a thread asking for CA Dopers to help dog sit.
I also know that you probably don’t want to deal with that right now, so just find a doggy boarding place, message me with the contact info and I’ll pay them for a couple of weeks.
You are a good man, and I know that you are doing the best you can in a real fucked time. If you post a thread asking for help, we will be there for you. I mean, we are here now, but a new thread might be helpful…just because…