I was notorious for losing stuff around that age. (More like 10-12, if it wasn’t stapled to me, I could lose it in ten seconds or less.) In fact, I can tell you that, this year, spring arrived while I was at work. You know how I know that? I wore a heavy coat to work one morning, took it off and left it on the back of my chair in my office. A month or two later, it’s still there because I can’t remember to bring the damn thing home and hang it up in my closet until next “winter.” I was also notorious for breaking dishes. We ended up going to all plastic for a few years because I could not get the dishes done without breaking something. I still do that a lot, but they’re my own dishes and I know how clumsy I am, so I buy cheap stuff that I can afford to replace. (Also, coffee mugs are virtually unbreakable.)
No amount of scolding or punishment or privilege witholding taught me to keep track of my stuff. In fact, being punished as a kid, for being who I am (clumsy and absentminded sometimes) just makes me feel like a loser as an adult. “Ah, I suck, I have to buy another coat. Loser tax!”
Aside from setting a ground rule like we buy one coat per season and anything you lose, you replace, I can’t think of a thing. It’s a little easier to set a rule like that if the kid has a paper route, or babysits, or has some way of earning money. Otherwise, I suppose he’d have to work it off in chores. I don’t think enforcing the consequences will change much except the hardship will be on your kid instead of on you, which is a good lesson in personal responsibility.
I have a personal rule that might help and I think even a kid could manage this. Whenever I leave a room, I glance back at where I was sitting to make sure I remembered to collect everything I had in my hands, but had set down.
A thought occurs - what behaviours are being role modelled in the home?
As an example, when you are going out, you probably go through a quick ‘have I got everything’ thought process. Do you verbalise that thought process in front of your son?
Or if you’re in the living room and you’re heading to the kitchen, do you say out loud, ‘I’m off to the kitchen, is there anything in here I should take with me?’
I like this suggestion a lot. You may even have him start collecting money for the big Coat Shopping Day and let him “help pay” for it. What you’re doing is getting him to emotionally invest himself in the coat itself, so it’s important to him and, hence, less likely to be forgotten.
Be sure to retire it quietly though when he grows out of it.
This is a very good point. My older sister taught me to always “say goodbye to my seat” when I was leaving somewhere. It has saved me from walking away from jackets, sweaters, all kinds of stuff.
I modeled it for my kids- they also said “good bye to their seat” from when they were little.
Still lost stuff though. 7 year olds are little. Buy replaceable stuff, encourage being mindful of possessions, teach good habits and re-evaluate if it’s still a problem as he gets older.
Agreeing with the “does he need to wear the coat” thing. If it’s cold when he’s coming home, he’ll think of the coat.
I’ve got the same problem (and I’m more than 7 times 7) - I was always leaving my coat at work. I fixed it for myself by always putting my car keys in my coat pocket (as opposed to pants pocket), so I couldn’t get home without it.
Kids have to be taught how to gather up their things, and how to stop and think. If you go to pick him up and just say “Come on, hurry up!” that’s what he’s going to do. It’s like singing “100 bottles of Beer on the Wall” someone has to help you learn to think ahead.
With Celtling I started by asking the same three questions as we left the door each school morning: Do you have your coat? Do you have your backpack? Do you have your water bottle?
In the afternoon I asked the same three questions as we were leaving school. After about a month of this, I started asking “What do you need to ask yourself?” and she would check those three things on her own. Now I never have to mention it unless she’s really distracted, and then I only have to glance over her and she instantly goes through the inventory on her own.
Toward the middle of the week she starts asking “What day is it?” as we leave the house. And if I say Thursday, then she says “Ballet bag!” and runs to get it.
It takes about 30 days to build a habit, so I pick one each month and work through it. This being a multiple step task, I spread it over two months, but now it’s in her head and she takes ownership of it - I’m just here for back up. the key is to be giving them ownership, and just take a supportive role. It’s hard to make it be helping rather than nagging, but a cheerful tone goes a long way. Also a proud smile now and again when they start getting it right.
My five year old and ten year old each lost two jackets in the first month of school. So frustrating. We went to Value Village and got each of them a handful of cheap jackets. They’ve lost another jacket or two since, but now I don’t get worked up about it.
“I don’t need a coat.” “Wear your coat.” “But I don’t need a coat!” “WEAR YOUR COAT!”
Coat taken off on the playground and forgotten. Mind long gone many elsewheres.
Rinse repeat.
Okay, sometimes your have to make him take a coat, if only because you’ll otherwise get a call from a teacher or talked about by the other parents. Get some that are appropriate to consider as disposable items and replace as needed. We do that with gloves in our house. Consider letting him not wear a coat unless it is really bitter. If it is warm enough that you think he’ll take it off while outside, go without. Yeah, the valuable item put your name and number in (not his name btw).
No amount of nagging or making me pay for it would have made me remember my coat left off near the slide. It just wasn’t gonna happen.
I would have loved to not have a coat to wear. A hat, warm socks, long sleeve shirt and pants was ample. If only my Mom had been “mean” like that instead of getting upset that I lost another one.
As the father of two boys, my experience was that punishment and stern talkings-to were pretty fruitless at the age of 7 as regarded forgotten jackets. Mine weren’t destructive kids, they did not demonstrate a total disregard for property - so to the degree that 7 tear olds could understand the value of things, they did. But, being 7, they forgot stuff (but part of my job as a parent at that stage was to remind them). I saved the “lesson learning” for what I felt were more important opportunities to teach them. When they were 7, I was more concerned with teaching them to be kind, to be polite, to show respect for others. I didn’t want to risk diminishing those imperitives or confusing them by getting too bent out of shape over less fundamental things. The time did come for the “value of property” lessons, it was just a little further down the road – I think by age 10 – and continuing through today. They are 14 and 18 now and haven’t lost a jacket in a while.
The best parenting advice I ever got was “You can’t teach them everything all at once so be patient and pick your battles”.
We’re in the SF Bay Area so weather is generally mild, not “potentially fatal”. That said, we’re still not going to send him out there where he’ll be freezing/wet/miserable/etc.
He’s got some money saved up from holiday/bday gifts from relatives and the like. We don’t want to tell him “You lost your jacket, you have to buy a new one now” because we hadn’t raised that possibility with him before; we’re thinking along the lines of “We buy this one but if you lose it, you are buying the next one.” A nice jacket would be anywhere from $30 to $60 which would be a significant chunk of that money - it’s a PS3 game or a huge Lego set, to put it in his terms.
We have asked him what would help him remember, in a constructive way (that is, not “How many Legos do we take away next time”, but more “Where can we put a reminder note”). Notes in his cubby and something attached to his backpack are ideas he likes.
He feels bad when he loses a jacket, but he’s 7. Kids that age seem to have the attention span of a mosquito and they get distracted really easily. I really don’t think he’s trying to push any limits, be naughty, etc. He’s just a kid being a kid.
We really do try and remind him to think about these things - not “You’d better remember or you’re in trouble!” but just some continuous reminders to stop, think, make sure you have your stuff, etc.
I had passed on what it had been like as the kid who lost many a coat, but I too am a father - three boys and one girl, the youngest. Yes a few jackets have gone missing over the years … and some have appeared in our closet with no one knowing who they belong to. The oldest boy is now 26, living in Japan, the next is a Junior in college, and the third boy is a Junior in High School. No jackets missing lately but - I came home late from a meeting two nights ago and asked that one where the car was … he had forgotten that he had driven to school that morning and left it parked near the High School getting a ride home. The youngest, age 10, she’s organized … and gets frustrated with the rest of us sometimes: “He forgot a car Daddy!”
Your gentle reminders are enough. Try to enjoy the places his mind goes when we adults think he should be remembering his coat. IMHO of course.
I would make him accountable for it in some way as a general rule of learning to be responsible. Don’t want him to forget where he puts his kids when he gets older because then you’ll be wondering where your grand kids are. And aren’t they the real payoff. You’re just tolerating him until then.
OK, I got nuthin. Send a note to his teacher offering not to send her fruit if she sends the kid back with a coat every day. doesn’t even have to be his coat.
I voted for him to at least help pay for his replacement coats.
Just had this discussion with my husband…about ME. See, I lost my keys. NO, I do not know where I lost them or HOW I lost them. I know exactly when I had them last, and based on that they should be in the car somewhere, but all searches proved fruitless. The only things on the keychain were mailbox keys…which I replaced…but he still felt it necessary to give me serious, angry shit about it for two days. WTF. Nobody loses things on purpose.
As a kid, I’m sure I lost more than I can remember, but among the most memorable are one boot <walked home in 2-3 foot high snow almost every day, always home with frozen legs so…not surprising I didn’t notice, from MY point of view, lol> and a retainer that somehow floated out of my mouth when I was swimming. Actually, that happened twice, I think; no more retainers after that!
I think nametags w/phone number on the coat is the best way to go, along with maybe some second hand coats until he gets the hang of remembering them.
As for me…I got Mr.Tao his own mailbox key and he can lock it up in Fort Knox if he’s so worried about it.
