900 words or less #9 deck the halls with balls of swiss colony beef log

900 words or less #9 Dec 24th 1999

feel free to find out where i live and slit my throat

Ok from now on we are gonna use this poisonous if eaten plant called mistle toe and if you stand under it and someone else happens to be standing where you are under the plant you gotta kiss, or you go to hell where you will have to dig out antbeds with your penis or tits forever, and we are also gonna chop down little cypress and pine trees and whatever other kind there are,and put lights on them and little dumb trinkets of other fake stuff I’m about to mention, and wrap up presents and put them under the tree as an offer to our pagan god,i mean to each other, and then this fatass from the north pole flys to hmmm america and a few other countries that force their kids into doing what they say so a big guy in a white suit will somehow fit down there chimney and whip out his sack and throw down some loot ,oh yea and ya gotta give him cookies and milk, and then my dumbass neighbor puts a fucking wal-mart section worth of christmas lights up he ran out of house and bushes so he just fucking strung lights all over his front lawn,and thats the story of Jesus.

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
Too bad Lassie didn’t know how to ice skate,because if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said “Lassie.go skate for help,” she could do it.

Mail.oh my another letter! this one comes from Stacy over in one sentence out of the blue land.

Stacy wrote:
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!?

xj: Now notice the **'s around HELL what does this mean? Stacy, are you implying that this is an antichrist letter? because I’m not calling off the christmas pig roast,or the virgin sacrifice

Special thank you to: Larry Flint

Special fuck you to: The Baldwins

This email is powered by Dal.net “The only place to idle”

                          beef hog lady
                               xj900

I humbly suggest coventry.

Hey, OJ!

I think I see the real killer! Yeah! He’s about… 500 yards that way! Go get 'em, boy!


SanibelMan - My Homepage
“All right. Have it your own way. Road to hell paved with unbought stuffed dogs. Not my fault.”

I second that motion, Kellibelli.

Hell, I will third the motion if it gets it done any quicker.

Shadowfox

Flee at once, all is discovered!

Man I love you guys , I mean I’ve been on here 2 days and I’ve allready met the smartest people I have ever run into, You guys are awesome you go around and make fun of stuff that is better than your own shit, I love it when you guys use big words to cause then i can get on my websters online dictionary and have TONS of fun, Its ok to be a moron and its ok to make dumb one liners and use your hankey panky Im a genious words and then team up like this message board is some badass shit, you like stuff that sucks and you probably use aol.

And I would also like to say if you dont like it fuck you and GOOD

You are so right

A bigger asshole I have never seen.

This is only my first ( and second ) impression.

I’ll leave it to someone else to call this guy(?) a troll…


I think that boys cheese has slid right off his cracker!
-The Green Mile

Just so you guys know, I’ve e-mailed the moderators about these two idiots- they should be banned soon. Please don’t encourage them any more by posting responses to these threads. Thanks.
Zette

What the fuck is wrong with you people seriously
I am writing a book about this and you morons are in it man i cant believe how fuckin lame you are did you not have humor in your families growing up? you must all be christians then is that it?

anyways I got a hoot and a holler out of YA!

Patrick, sorry if you feel that I’m stepping on your toes, but I’m closing this thread. It’s mundane and pointless all right, but I don’t think that it needs to be shared.

Lynn
For the Straight Dope

weak

Lynn,
Here’s another beauty for ya’ http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005012.html

Jesus, who moved the rock??
Zette

jesus why dont you just give me peoples email addreses

<font size =6> Mr. SpaceJackson–Just say “no”.</font>

OJ–here’s a free ticket to the National Organization for Women’s Annual Convention. And a free bullseye T=shirt to go with it.
<BLINK>Now, BOTH of you children–GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC!!</BLINK> :mad:


With magic, you can turn a frog into a prince. With science, you can turn a frog into a Ph.D, and you still have the frog you started with.

The other day I got out my can opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, “What am I doing?!”