99 SHOCKING things Britney is considering doing at the VMAs

This article says that Britney Spears is planning a “big comeback performance” at the upcoming MTV Video Music Awards which will be “shocking.”

Frankly, I’m all a-twitter just thinking about it. Especially when you consider she’s working from an extensive list of ridiculous possibilities that she and her handlers have come up with… that we just happen to have right here on the Straight Dope:
-Saw off and devour her left arm.
-Be anally penetrated by Nick Carter while atop an ice sculpture of Fonzie.
-Complete Bocce match with a reunited Spice Girls while all wearing Burqas.
-Take two dozen cannon balls to the stomach.
-Make love to her own clone.
-Drink gasoline and swallow a match. Also known as the Daffy-Duck-You-Can-Only-Do-This-Trick-Once Trick.
-Re-enact Princess Diana’s final moments, playing the part of…Prince Harry.

I can get behind that.

I think the most shocking thing she could do is act like a normal human being.

How can she come back if she never really went away? :confused:


It depends. Is this hot Britney or fat white trash Britney?

With cloning, you get one of each.

-Dramatic reading of “SuperFudge.”
-Ping-pong ball trick done with softballs.

Choreographed live on stage tubal ligation with a brass section and lawyers doing the hokey pokey.

actually, you know, um…sing?

Prove P=NP
Sing Dennis Leary’s ‘Asshole’ in a duet with Stephen Hawking
Live action reenactment of Aerith’s death with Keanu Reeves as Sephiroth

:confused: That one isn’t shocking.

Chase a roadrunner around the stage.
Remove and devour her own breast implants.

I’m predicting she’ll feed her kids a wholesome meal and put them to bed at a reasonable hour after reading them a bedtime story. Millions of jaws will drop.

A pack of tie-dyed marmots swarming her naked body while she coos Black Sabbath’s War Pigs in pig latin.

Some of these are a little…lacking. How about:

Be anally penetrated by Bea Arthur while atop a SPAM sculpture of Josef Stalin.

Sing “Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping” in a duet with Ben Stein. And a male chorus.

Take the SATs and score in the top 99%.

Have sex with ex-hubby Jason Alexander and Seinfeld’s Jason Alexander at the same time

**Annie ** just blew my mind.

But I suggest that she wear fur to the event.

Whatever she does, the true shock will come when she lifts her skirt to reveal grannie panties.

I was at a concert where June Carter Cash came out dressed in a long white gown and sang a beautiful religious song. She then lifted her skirt up to reveal bare feet and red satin bloomers. The band struck up some hee-haw type country song and June danced a barefoot jig.

It was shocking to see June Carter Cash do it. Image if Brittany did the same.