I’m stunned-- stunned, I tell you-- by what is revealed inside “Fire & Fury.” So stunned, I figured I’d list out the things I’m most stunned by, and encourage you to add to the stunning list of things we’re all stunned by.
-He likes to be fork-fed french fries by Jared Kushner during family meals.
-John Roberts was wearing ladies’ underwear during the inauguration, per Trump’s request. Shortly before taking the stage, he made Karen Pence double check everything was “in place down there.”
-Has a recording of himself saying “Donald” playing on a loop in the Oval Office.
-Rick Perry was once spotted walking through the halls of the White House at 3am, pantsless, with Donald watching him from behind a statue
-Donald once stumbled over the word “marmalade” during a briefing with the Joint Chiefs. He then managed to work “marmalade” into two dozen conversations over the remainder of the day to prove he could pronounce it without a problem.
-Ivanka once wore a codpiece to work, per Donald’s request, to “make Jared work harder.”
-For dinner at the White House with Justin Trudeau, he offered Melania up as “one of those naked sushi models, except with meatballs and slices of ham.”
-“Things to penetrate an ass with” has been on, not one, but two cabinet meeting agendas since August.
-Donald brought in a “special masseuse” as a holiday surprise for his cabinet. He remained in the room during each person’s massage, and would physically restrain them if they tried to escape once the masseuse moved south and began the process of the “happy ending.”
I think that by making these wild claims, the author is ruining the credibility of the book, which would otherwise be very convincing. It’s jumping the shark.
He won’t be president forever. The question is whether historians will trust Trump better than Wolff. It very much depends on how Trump continues to act. We’ll sit comfortably and watch it.
… shocked to learn Chris Christie was actually fired for bringing Dotard food from Burger King.
… flummoxed to find out that the only dog Donald likes is the Scottish Terrier… which is my fave breed as well. Don’t know how to feel about this, actually.
… I laughed when I learned that Ivanka and Jared shared a toothbrush, but not a bed. Go figure!
… was not at all surprised to learn that KAC thought John Lovitt’s “Liar” character on SNL was a dramatic case study.
… Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You” was actually about his lifelong passion for Hope Hicks, with whom he went to HS and college. That was shocking, as was the revelation that… well, buy the book.
Good grief, lighten up. Aren’t the two dozen-plus Super Serious Threads about this administration enough for you? You gotta threadshit in my (apparently weak) attempt at levity? Mad-face right back at you.
I suppose it’s telling that what should be an obvious joke is not so obvious given the times we live in…
Oh please. What an absurd reaction to a lighthearted thread. I suppose you think Saturday Night Live should cease parodying Trump as well because reference to him needs to be so deadly serious.
[ul]
[li]He keeps a dartboard with a picture of Kim Jong Un on the back of the Oval Office cloakroom door. [/li][li]In his private closet are a complete set of his highly-trained wigs, one for each day of the week. There is enough food and water to sustain the wigs for at least a month.[/li][li]He has a signed picture of The Most Interesting Man In The World. The inscription reads, “Donald, Thanks for being an example to all of us.”[/li][li]He has a signed picture of Vladimir Putin. He cannot read the inscription, but staff members who can read Russian have been known to hide smiles when near it.[/li][li]He has a signed picture of Justin Trudeau. The inscription has been slashed to unreadability.[/li][li]He has a picture of George W. Bush on the aircraft carrier proclaiming “Mission Accomplished”. The glass in the frame is broken.[/li][/ul]
It was not entirely surprsing to learn the president…
[ul]
[li]Was disappointed that the Nuclear Football was not football-shaped or at least made of pigskin.[/li][li]Had to be advised that Colonel Sanders was (a) dead (b) not a real military commander he could appoint to the National Security Council.[/li][li]Kept referring to Buzz Aldrin as “Woody” during a meeting with NASA veterans.[/li][li]Kept connecting his smartphone to a hotspot labeled “RealSecretWhiteHouseWiFi!” that was traced to the camp in Lafayette Park.[/li][/ul]
OTOH, nobody believed he would…
[ul]
[li]Eat the whole thing.[/li][li]Get into a heated altercation with Ron Jeremy during an inaugural party, and need to be stopped from twittering that the latter man was assisted by “special effects” from Hollywood fake media.[/li][li]Want to get a picture taken of himself inside each air and spacecraft at the Smithsonian, resulting in getting stuck with half his body inside Friendship 7 for a whole afternoon.[/li][li]Constantly arrange for female staffers to meet alone with VP Pence.[/li][/ul]
Had the button on his desk enlarged so that he could truthfully say he has a bigger button than Kim Jong Un. The button doesn’t actually do anything except ring the valet to bring another Diet Coke, by why quibble over details.
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“Want to get a picture taken of himself inside each air and spacecraft at the Smithsonian, resulting in getting stuck with half his body inside Friendship 7 for a whole afternoon.”
Thank you for that brilliant mental image, I’ll treasure it for the rest of my life!
