One that drove me to distraction was Sylvia’s Mother by Dr. Hook.
Ewww, I typed it.
Worse than a Kris Kristofferson screen performance.
“Pretty Fly for a White Guy” by the Offspring
oooohhhhh even the thought makes me cringe.
Hey! That’s a good song, man! Everyone I know loves that song. That and Cover of the Rolling Stone…heh.
Call me a weirdo, but I could never see what was so great about Rush. The lead singer’s voice makes my ears bleed.
It’s not rock, really, but that Dixie Chicks song about Earl really bugs me. Well, the Dixie Chicks in general really bug me, so that’s no surprise.
I’m going to go hide now, since I guess I’m one of the chosen few who really dig the song “In the Year 2525.” For some reason, my high school psychology teacher played it for us in class, and I’ve loved it ever since.
I can’t really choose a song that I would nominate as worst ever, I’d make a horrible critic, I can see the merits in just about everything. The only one I can think of that makes me cringe with just the opening notes is Tom Sawyer by Rush.
In the Year 2525 should be considered seriously for this award because even Zager and Evans hated it. However, the winner for worst song should go to Pat Boone for “Tutty Frutti” for A:) it’s overall lameness and B:) for inspiring countless numbers of people to cover songs that they had no business singing.
Keith
Oh, yeah any Michael Bolton song, especially “When a Man Loves a Woman” and "She’s Like the Wind by Patrick Swayze.
Anything written by Jim Steinman. ::retch::
I’d like to nominate two oldies that nobody has mentioned yet:
-
My Eyes Adore You - Whining song by a loser who never worked up the courage to speak to some babe. Insipid vocals, cliched lyrics that verge on the nonsensical. “Worked my fingers to the bone, made myself a name…”
-
Horse with No Name - If you’ve never heard this one get down on your knees and thank god! Once you’ve thought of it the tune gets in your head and won’t leave for at least 3 days. You may end up biting open a vein in your arm just to get relief! “Oh I went to the desert on a horse with no name. It felt good to get out of the rain.”
Sigh. I wrote a response - it was quite hilarious, if I may say - and my computer crashed when I tried to submit. So here’s the short version:
The absolute worst: Cherry Pie - Warrant
The Streak
My Love Does it Good - Wings
How about Henry the Eighth (or whatever it’s called) by Herman’s Hermits? “Oim Enery the eighth I yam, Enery the Eighth I yam, I yam.” A song so bad, I have declared my apartment a Herman’s Hermits free zone.
Second on my list is REM’s Stand. I usually like their music, but why the hell did they write that song?
Lastly, any song by an actor or other celebrity (specifically Eddie Murphy and Bruce Willis) is usually enough to make me retch.
To me, the worst rock songs are the ones that are dripping in pretension. The bubble-gum crap like “Muskrat Love” may be annoying, but to get to truly awe-inspiring badness you need to have a Spinal Tapesque burned out druggie writing ‘deep’ lyrics that he thinks are great poetry. So, in that spirit I give you:
[ul]
[li]“Aqualung” - Jethro Tull[/li][li]“Conquistador” - Same guys (and don’t pronouce it, “ConKWISTador”, you moron)[/li][li]“In the Year 2525” - Zager and Evans[/li][li]“The Eve of Destruction” - Sgt. Barry Sadler“Macarthur Park” - Richard Harris[/li][li]Half the stuff by Kansas and Uriah Heep, although both groups did some good songs[/li][li]90% of the ‘Power Ballads’ done by talentless metal groups like Poison, Quiet Riot, etc.[/li][/ul]
Oh, and Lyrnyrd Skynyrd and the Allman brothers are two of the greatest rock bands that ever played. So there!
I would like to nominate:
Kiss - Rock & Roll All Nite
That song really grinds on me.
It’s so damn obvious
Anything, ANYTHING by the MONKEES!
Momma Jesus played that crap all weekend. I swear I’m gonna kill myself next time. (Maybe that’s her plan.)
. . . and Bob Seger (how many times did he repeat “like a rock” in that annoying song? 200+?)
I agree with the general distaste for “2525” and “Eve of Distruction”, but I can’t believe no one nominated “The Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston. Not only does this song define sappy, but, in compelling evidence of its utter WRONGNESS, the powers that be at my high school loved it so much, they played it TWICE during my graduation ceremonies.
Blech
V.
No one has mentioned any Lou Perlman boy band crap even once. Am I the only one who is tormented by The Backdoor Boys, 'Nstink, 98 degrees K, Brittany Spews, Christina Agu-whatever, every time I turn on MTV? I believe they qualify as rock music, the way a Yugo qualifies as a car. How will they know they suck if we don’t tell them? What is the point of picking on songs by artists who dropped off the radar years ago.
My personal favorite (if that’s the right word) for worst song (and video) ever is REM’s Losing my Religion. They still play this on MTV during any countdown of the best videos of all time. I hate the tune, I hate the lyrics, and the part in the video when the fallen angel gets his fake wound probed makes me wretch. Am I truly alone on this?
Good list, Sam, however I believe it was Procol Harum guilty of “Conquistador.”
Sua, I definitely agree that Whiney’s (saw this typo in a music catalog, hee hee!) song is retchable, but its wrongness pales in comparison to its hideous progeniter, “Lovin’ You,” by Minnie Ripperton.
Minnie died of cancer a few years ago. I bet she got it from singing that song.
Wait a minute. Maybe I missed it. But has no-one mentioned Bily Joel?
HAS NO-ONE MENTIONED PHIL COLLINS???
I am convinced it’s not the heavy metal bands (well maybe some of the heavy metal bands) but Phil Collins who has made a pact with Satan. Because the true interests of evil are best served by mind numbing mediocrity.
“In the air tonight” also makes it for worst video, three minutes of Collins’ face.
“ABACAB” is a lyric about a cord progression.
I could go on but…no I can’t go on, it’s too painful.
Billy Joel? “You had to be a big shot” (is that the title or just the refrain?) is only the ugliest of his many ugly songs.
Elton John is also pure evil (IMHO).
I like Billy Joels’ ‘Big Shot’!
But you are certainly on track with Phil ‘megaweeny’ Collins. His greatest crime was a duet with a falsetto has-been called ‘She’s an easy lover’. At least I assume that’s the title. worst lyrics ever!
That’s Procol Harum. I kinda liked it. 
I’m posting this without reading the thread, because I am so anxious to get this Sure Winner in.
I humbly submit Looking for Freedom by David Hasselhof. First of all, because of the lyrics. But mostly, because of the visual terror inflicted upon the world by means of the video and sleeve pictures. I am more than pleased to report you that I have been unable to locate examples of these Evil Pictures.
As a compensation, I offer you the Knight Rider himself.
::shudder::
No matter how awful and ugly and gruesome and tortuous I can imagine Hell to be, it could be made exponentially worse if “Brown Eyed Girl” was being played constantly in the background.