A bit of help here. I know that colleagues missus is cheating on him.

Don’t you mean, “if your situation were reversed, would you want her to tell your wife?”

Yep. How exactly is C(harlie) going to find out you saw W(ilco) locking tongues with some other guy? He finds out about the affair, and his wife tearfully confesses, but rats you out? Why would she do that? She’s going to sob out, “A(k84) knew about it the whole time! It’s his fault!”

It would be one thing if you watched his wife snuggling up to her new man-friend every day at the office and said nothing. But this was a one-time thing at a conference. You don’t live in the same town. You have plausible deniability because if you had glanced away at the right minute you wouldn’t have seen anything.

And anyway, if she’s so indiscrete that she’s smooching her boyfriend in public at a conference that her husband’s co-workers attend, well, she’s going to get found out pretty soon. It is not your job to report this incident. You will gain nothing reporting this. If you report it the most likely outcome is that you will be blamed by both of them for harming their marriage, nevermind that you weren’t the one smooching a random.

Calling up C(harlie) and letting him know what you saw is all downside and no upside. You weren’t there, nobody saw it, you can’t prove anything–that’s your story and you’re sticking to it.

Presumably, if their marriage was open, Wilma wouldn’t have implored AK84 to be silent.

Based on open relationships I’ve known "W comes up to me abd begs me not to tell C" wouldn’t happen.

If someone is robbing a store, and she comes up to you and says “you saw nothing”, is it still none “of your business”?

I think bup has it spot on.

I just wouldn’t. I have been inserted into other relationships before and it’s never pretty. Doesn’t matter how innocent you are.

Just stay out.

I have been in that situation many times in the past and am presently looking at the same thing. I stay out of it. Twice I was confronted and asked why I didn’t tell them when I know, I simply said it wasn’t my place and it never came up again. I know of a case right now where it has been happening off and on for at least 30 years, the husband is in denial! He would fall apart if forced to face the truth, his wife gives him a little now and then, tells him she has female problems so can’t put out too often and he just accepts it and goes on. Not my business. The part that really pisses me off is that she has a habit of banging his friends and these jokers brag about it.

I 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th that this is not your problem and none of your business.

Plead the 5th if asked.

Not quite the same. Robbing a store is illegal. Fooling around on someone’s husband isn’t. Of course you have an obligation to report a store robbery. If not a legal one, at least as a benefit to society. Reporting an affair carries no obligation, legal or moral.

Oh, I’m probably wrong. I would just be so pissed that somebody came to me and said, “please don’t tell on me,” making me complicit in her lie.

Ask yourself this question:

“Self, if my missus was cockadoodling in the barn with another rooster, and my colleague knew about it, would I want him to let me know?”.

There’s you answer. Assuming, of course, you could get over your “Self” making weird references to roosters and barns.

It was my first thought so if it’s evil, well people who don’t want to be ‘leveraged’ shouldn’t put themselves in that position.
Next time take pictures :wink:

I also thought that by W begging you not to tell her husband she was really begging you to tell her husband because she wants to be caught. You don’t need to get caught up in their drama, unless you happen to like drama.

Like my Uncle Guido always told me, ‘Keep your nose clean and your mouth shut’.

There is NOTHING good that can come from your involvement. Stay completely out of it.

You could let C(alvin) know that W(hore) is seeing someone anonymously.

Leaves you out of the picture, lets him decide what to do.

I would most definitely want to know if this happened to me.:mad:

I was in a similar situation not too long ago, except he wasn’t a co-worker, he was a friend of a friend.

I did what I would hope that same guy would do if the situation was reversed.

I told his friend. Who told him.

In the United States, laws vary from state to state. In 2012, adultery was a criminal offense in 23 states.[56] In 2013, Colorado abolished its adultery law.[57] In those states where adultery is still on the statute books (although rarely prosecuted), penalties vary from life sentence (Michigan)[58] to a $10 fine (Maryland)[59] to a Class B misdemeanor (New York)[60] to a Class I felony (Wisconsin).[61] In the state of South Carolina, the criminal fine for adultery is a fine no greater than $500 and/or imprisonment for no more than one year [South Carolina code 16-15-60], yet the divorce laws codified at South Carolina Code Section 20-3-60(A) deny alimony to the adulterous spouse, which in some cases can cost the adulterous spouse millions of dollars in future income.[62][63] Other states where adultery is illegal include Massachusetts, Idaho, Oklahoma.[56] Massachusetts, Idaho, Michigan, Oklahoma and Wisconsin are the only states to consider adultery a felony. In the other states it is a misdemeanor.

If your colleague were anything unlike a lawyer I’d say to tell them. But since you never know who’s going to sue until they sue you, surely you’re not sure what or who you saw. As you know, folks don’t necessarily need to have legal basis for lawsuits that cost the other party money.

Are there kids? If there are kids, I would say to forget it, ignore it, and deny you ever knew it. A broken home can be hard on the kids. The home life could still be good even though she’s having an affair, and the kids may be better off if they stay together.

No kids? Tell him what you saw. Give him the opportunity to be with someone who doesn’t break his trust and isn’t deceitful. Yes, it may be messy. Doing the right thing is often hard to do. Even if he’s upset initially, he will likely look back and be glad he found out.

I’ll go against the flow and say I think you should tell Chuck exactly what happened. If he has an open marriage, he might chuckle and tell you that he does. From Wilma’s reaction, though, I’d bet you a dollar they don’t have an open marriage.

I think honesty is by-and-large the best policy; hiding things from people never ends well.

Yeah, W(hore) asking me not to tell C(uckold) makes me really really want to drop a dime on her. That would piss me off. Fuck her. I mean, don’t actually fuck her. Unless you wanna go all, “There’s only one thing you can do that will stop me from telling your husband you’re a whore…”