If Chuck calls me up and asks me if I saw Wilma kissing Xavier at the conference, I would definitely tell him yes. But I’m not gonna call up Chuck and tell him out of the blue, “Hey guess what, I was at a conference the other day and long story short your wife is a whore.”
Is there any way you can anonymously let him know? If I were the cheated upon spouse, I’d want to know. It’s only fair that I have need-to-know information with which to make decisions about MY life.
I think Dear Abbey answers this one by hitting F7.
No one is going to thank you for talking. If they break up it will be your fault. If they fight and make up, they will both hate you. C might “know” but be trying to deny it - he is not going to be happy with having his face rubbed in it. And maybe W will stop now she knows someone knows.
Awesome wikipedia quote, just awesome. But it seems like a ratting someone out for jaywalking, crime wise.
Wow. Are you really being a dick about it? Neat. You do that CarnalK. You do that.
/Repetition was the main ingredient in this post.
Another vote for staying out.
What if W was considering an affair but got to the kiss, saw you, had an epiphany and resolved to not continue and to go back and work more on her marriage?
What if W is planning on leaving but wants to make sure her lawyer hubby doesn’t hide all the assets unfairly?
What if C is dangerous and hurts W who was making plans for a quiet safe exit without leaving a trail?
If you were friends who talked about stuff like your marriages it may be different but in your position it seems unlikely that he is going to be blissfully happy with his ever faithful wife in your presence so you have no reason to mention it.
You forgot at least one scenario: What if W(hore) and her new boytoy are planning to kill C(uckold), and now are planning to kill the one witness who could rat them out?
Safest option is to stay clear of the whole fiasco.
If you really feel that you owe something to your friend? colleague? then I would say the anonymous note works beautifully in that situation. You can continue to pretend you’re taking my first suggestion; keeping you in the clear with both W(hore) and C(uckold), while secure in the knowledge that if C(uckold) wants to deal with reality and follow up, he’s got the ammo to do so.
If it were me, unless it was my best friend involved, I’d do my best to forget anything ever happened.
Another thing to consider is that, these days, cheating on a spouse has medical hazards to the innocent spouse (HIV, hepatitis, etc.). Wouldn’t C be entitled to know about risks W is taking with his health without his knowledge?
If someone had a very important piece of information that is essential for making important life decisions, such as being involved in a sham marriage, I don’t think I would consider it butting in if he told me. I’d probably appreciate the opportunity to make an informed decision about my marriage and whether I’ve been exposed to STDs, possibly being conned into raising another man’s children, etc.
Since the wife asked him not to tell, it’s obvious that C has not consented to some kind of open marriage, and it’s likely that C is under the impression he has a wife he does not have. C probably is not aware of any “family troubles” for anyone to butt in. If he were, Wife wouldn’t asked colleagues for secrecy.
That said, I’m not saying I would tell him. I might suggest the wife tell him herself, but only if we were closer. If he finds out that I knew, I would just deny. I think seeing his wife kiss someone once would be easy enough to deny.
Would your decision change if you could tell him anonymously?
It’s easy enough to set up a free email account so that ‘a little birdie’ told him. Chances are if she’s stepping out at a work conference, you’re not the only person who knows about it.
That’s also a very good point.
OP, I think you need to operate on the basis that Chuck is going to find out, and it will be sooner rather than later - what do you want your role to be when he does find out, and finds out who all knew before he did?
Exactly! I’d want to know if my SO was screwing around behind my back so I could dump her ASAP. An anonymous one-time e-mail account is the way to go here.
OTOH, would you trust some anonymous “your SO is cheating” message that couldn’t be evaluated for reliability?
Fucking right.
If she didn’t want to be caught, she wouldn’t be fooling around in public. I think this situation will resolve itself without your intervention.
I think he’d get a lot of information from the discussion he might have with his SO after that, especially if he was able to give her specifics; “Someone saw you with a guy who looked like this doing this at this place at this time.” That’s got a lot more punch than, “I think your wife is screwing around on you.”
Don’t call names outside of the Pit.
I tend towards this, but not with a work colleague. With a work colleague, I think I would mind my own business. The standard advice for this situation is mind your own business. I don’t really, truly believe in that, but that’s the “safe” advice. I would definitely tell a close friend, and I would hope they would tell me, if they’re a close friend.
A lot of “what ifs” back on Page 1, but I’m surprised that people have missed the obvious.
What if W(alpurgia) is actual a deep cover agent, originally MI6 but now posing as Russian FSB. She and her handlers have been trying to lay a honey-trap for X(amot) for several months now, and has finally gotten to Stage 3 in the plan.
By blackmailing X(amot), W(alpurgia) hopes learn the location of D(ivine), X(amot)'s fellow member in the Knights of Bavaria, who is being paid by the CIA to launder money for the Yakuza, so they can continue to flood SE Asia with fake Ephemerol.
If C(hris Everett, of 27 Meadows Lane, Herefordshire, UK) learns about his “wife’s” “infidelity”, her cover will be “blown”, the Lizard People will finally gain control of the Japanese underworld, and the economies of Vietnam, Indonesia, and eventually Australia will collapse into chaos.
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