A Blonde Joke

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Here’s a little Friday giggle. Enjoy!

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea and then…he sighed, “Let’s put all those Frosted Flakes back in the box”.

2

Hee Hee :slight_smile:

– Ellen (brunette)

3

Brunette? Aren’t cherries red? :wink:

4

Tupug’s Favorite Blonde Joke

Why did the blond have a black and blue bellybutton?
Because blond men ar dumb, too.

:smiley:

Tupug (Married to a smarter-than-average blond man)

5

Two blondes went on a hike through the woods. An hour into their walk they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, most confidentally, “Those are deer tracks!”

“They are NOT,” said the second blonde. “Those are racoon tracks!”

First blonde: “Deer tracks!”

Second blonde: “Racoon tracks!”

First blonde: “Deer tracks!”

Second blond: “Racoon tracks!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

6

The joke:

What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Traditional punchline:

Not everyone’s been on a 747.

My punchline:

You never have to return your blonde to its normal and upright position.

7

So a blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop. The blonde cop says to the blonde driver, “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?”

“Why no, I didn’t officer!”

“May I see your drivers license please?”

“Um, sure… I know it’s in here somewhere” fumbling through purse

fumble fumble…fumble

“Ma’am, I’m sure it’s in there somewhere, it’s the little thing with your picture on it”

Finally the driver pulls out a small compact, flips it open and looks into the little mirrow.

“Oh here it is!!! I knew it was here somewhere” hands it to the blonde cop who takes it from her and looks into it

“I’m terribly sorry ma’am; if I knew you were a police officer as well, I wouldn’t have pulled you over.”

8

Three blondes are walking along the beach when they come upon an object half buried in the sand. Picking it up and cleaning it off they find they have a magic lamp. The polishing brings out the genie.

“Thank you for releasing me from my prison! As a reward I will give you each one wish!”

Blonde #1 says “I wish I was twice as smart as I am now!” “No problem” says the genie, and bam, it’s done.

Blonde #2 says “Well, I want to be five times smarter that I am!” the genie hesitates for a moment, but finally, bam, it’s done.

Blonde #3 says bravely “I want to be 10 times as smart as I am now!’ The genie
says Whoa! You do know what this means, don’t you.?” “Sure I do!”

“Well, here goes!” and bam, she’s a brunette.

9

What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

“Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!”

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Why did the blonde was fired from her job at the M & M factory ?

Because she was rejecting all the Ws

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How many blonds does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

11

One to stir the batter and ten to peel the M&M’s!

12

A woman walks into the doctor’s office and explains that her entire body is aching. She takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams. She pushes on her ankle and screams, and so on. No matter where she touches, her agony is apparent. The doctor says, “You’re not a brunette, are you? You’re really a blonde.” She sheepishly admits that indeed she is a blonde.
“I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”

13

The World’s First Smart Blonde Joke:

A blonde goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank in NYC and asks to speak to the manager.
“I have to go to Europe today for a month and need to borrow $100.”
The manager smiles, "I am afraid I can’t lend you that without collateral.”
The blonde thinks a minute and says, “well, that is my Rolls Royce out there in front of the bank.”
The manager sees it and says, “Well, OK then.”
The manager gives her $100 and has one of the attendants take the keys to the car and park it below the bank.

A month later the blonde returns to the bank and pays the $100 back in cash, plus interest.and gets the keys to her car.

The manager asks, “Miss, I was just wondering. You seem to be rather well-off. Why would you come here and borrow a measly $100 to go to Europe?”
The blonde smiled, “where else could I park my car in Manhattan for a month for the measly interest payment on $100?”

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And I’m an original brunette who wishes there were more for us. DMark and swampbear, those were equally great. A much-needed amusement when insomnia calls.

My contribution:

Did you hear about the blonde who spent all day wondering around the office looking for her missing pen? She finally gave up at 5:00 and left the building with a tampon behind her ear.

-or-

The blonde who’d just gotten married and had returned from her honeymoon to see her bestfriend. The one who’d bought her a risque’ bridal gift in the form of a vibrator. Before she left, the givee ask the recipient how well she’d liked her present ('cause, her friend the red head had to make certain she understood before operating it that it was for sexual gratification, just to be sure nothing went awry) and the new Mrs. smiled broadly and said. Of courth. But its reawy hard on your teef. But I’ll keep pwacticing utilw I dit better at it.

:smiley:

15

How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?

She opens the car door.

Didja hear about the blonde who covered her body in potato chips and called herself the Frito Lay?

I was in the break room talking with the other nurses. One of them remarked on how she can suck a golf ball through a 50 foot hose.

The blonde administrator walked in and said “Hmph. Amateur.”

16

Another smart blonde joke:

A blonde is on a airplane sitting next to a buisnessman. Just after taking off, the man looks at her and asks her if she’d like to play a game with him. It was simple, they’d take turns asking each other questions, and if the person couldn’t answer, they would have to give the other person $5. The blond said no, she wouldn’t want to play, and looked out the window.

“Well then,” the man said, “how about this, since I have a laptop with five different encyclopedias on it, if you can’t answer a question, you give me $5, but if I can’t answe a question, I’ll give you $100.”

The blonde woman sighed and said fine. It seemed like he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

The man went first. “How many miles is it from the earth to the sun?” The blonde admitted that she didn’t know, and handed over the money.

Then it was the blonde’s turn. “What has three legs, four eyes, and purple fur?”

The man didn’t know, so he opened up his laptop and started researching. There was no answer in any of his encyclopedias. So finally, he admitted defeat and handed the blonde $100. She put the money away in her purse, then went back to looking out the window.

The man was a bit annoyed by this. “Well, what is it?” he demanded.

The blonde opened up her purse, took out a $5 bill and handed it to him, then went to sleep.

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Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde down out of a tree?

A: Wave to her.

18

Three blondes walk into a bar. The first one says to the bartender, “I’ll have a WW.”

The bartender is confused. “What’s a WW?”

The blonde rolls her eyes and says, “Duh, a white wine!”

The second blonde says, “I’ll have an RW.”

The bartender is frustrated. “What’s an RW?”

The second blonde rolls her eyes and says, “Duh, a red wine!”

The bartender is about ready to start slamming his head in the wall, but he turns to the third blonde and asks, “What can I get for you?”

“I’ll have a 15.”

Gritting his teeth, the bartender asks, “And what is a 15?”

The blonde stares at him. “Duh, a 7 & 7!”

19

A blonde decided she wants to fly to New York City, so she buys her ticket and when she gets to her seat on the plane, she finds that it is in the Coach section. She didn’t like that at all… the seats were uncomfortable and there was no meal on the flight. Then she looked forward into the 1st Class section and saw people in nice wide leather seats, sipping champagne and eating caviar… so she picked up her stuff and moved to a seat in 1st Class.

The flight attendant saw this and immediately went over to the blonde. “Ma’am, your ticket is for Coach. I’m going to have to ask you to move back to your seat.” The blonde responded by saying, “I’m Blonde, and I’m beautiful, and I’m staying in the 1st Class section all the way to New York City!”

The flight attendant didn’t know what to do so she got the Co-Pilot. He spoke to her saying, “Ma’am, your ticket is for a seat in Coach. You must move back to your seat now.” The blonde again responded, “I’m Blonde, and I’m beautiful, and I’m staying in the 1st Class section all the way to New York City!”

The Co-Pilot didn’t know what to do so he got the Pilot. The Pilot went over to the blonde and whispered something in her ear. She immediately got up, gave the Pilot a great big hug and said, “Thank you very much!” and moved back to her seat in Coach.

The Co-Pilot and the flight attendent were astounded and demanded to know what he said to get her to move. The Pilot said, “It was simple. I just told her the 1st Class section was NOT going to New York City.”

20

Q Why don’t blondes breastfeed their children?
A Hurts like hell boiling their nipples.