So I have two radically different topics, and I don’t feel like seeing my big screenname up there twice, so we’re doing a challenging dual topic. Just TRY and keep up with me!
A.) So I’m working last night, and my coworker is talking to his friend, and somehow eyeball licking is brought up. The friend claimed it was the most pleasent sensation around, and that as soon as the store closed, we should lick eachother eyes. I don’t want to say I’ve been around the block, but this one was new to me. I expressed concern at the obvious: it’s icky, that can’t be healthy, yada yada. The friend claimed that he first encountered it in high school, when some girl had a bug fly into her eye. It hurt like a mo-fo, and before she could do anything, this guy grabbed her face, held open her eye lid and licked her eye. And she claimed the combined joy at getting the bug out and getting her eye licked was better than anything she ever experianced before. So fess up, Dopers. Anyone licked an eyeball lately?
B.) The Canadian boarder guard has said they will turn any FTAA protesters with DWIs who are trying to get to the summit at Quebec City away. And guess where the fallback meeting place is? Swiddle’s own stomping ground of beautful Burlington, Vermont. So seeing as how Burlington is likely to get the most violent and surly protesters, any suggestions on how to accomidate them? I support the cause and all (down with corporate globalization, man!) but it’s not MY cause. Do protesters like cookies? Can I bring them cups of water like marathon runners? I suppose bringing them piece work to make me a few extra bucks would be frowned upon, huh?
That is all. Now let’s watch and see how long it takes the two radically different topics to meld into one surrealistic blob.
Well, bless your heart! Yes, protesters like cookies. I am gonna be in Quebec City and I know I’d appreciate it if a nice lady brought me cookies while I was trying to smash corporate hegemony. 'Tis hungry work!! (Just be sure you label your ingredients.)
Matt, my love, I doff my hat. Why I didn’t just send you an email directly, I don’t know. I was considering it today, gay men really do have the most creative ways of copulating. So, tell us all how it was? Have you been licked in the eyeball? I’d think this whole thing would do nothing for the spread of pink eye.
OK, what kind of cookie says “Down with the Man!” the most: chocolate chip or oatmeal? I’m thinking that since the majority of the protesters will be hippies, and that oatmeal is a componant of granola, that would be more popular. Though seeing as how I have never actually attempted to bake before, subjecting poor protesters to my cooking might be more torture than it’s worth. I’ll keep you all updated.
It was of no particular note. I was just noodling around the guy’s face, licking various portions thereof, when i just sort of gently stuck it in his eye. He didn’t complain, so I guess it didn’t hurt. It tasted like tears and cornea.
And yes, you’re right. Did you know that gay people came up with the first original sex act to be discovered in 4 000 years? (Try to guess what it is! Hint: no foreign objects of any kind are required.)
I imagine a nice oatmeal type cookie. Or maybe peanut butter. Support your local organic food store!
Eyeball licking was a regular thing for me when I was in high school, but after several attempts at rehab, I’ve finally kicked the habit. I mostly did it just to show off and gross people out, but I will admit, it is kind of cool. My opinion though, is that it’s better to be the licker than the lickee (yes, I’ve also had my eyes licked). It’s an extremely neat sensation on the tongue. The eyeball is exceptionally smooth and a little warm. I’m thinking you should give it a try just to say you did it.
I want to lick an eyeball, but I can’t find any volunteers. Not serious ones, anyway. I wouldn’t mind someone licking mine if they cleaned their tongue first.