A dilemna about a grandmother and a poem

In My Humble Opinion
1

My grandmother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a couple months ago. There’s nothing the doctors can do to prolong her life with any quality, and she’s getting a lot worse now. This Saturday, the whole family got together for a bittersweet 85th birthday party for her.

I had no idea what I could get her that she might need or enjoy at this point. My mom suggested I write her something nice, because I’ve written poems and stuff like that for other family members in the past. I worked on a poem, and came up with a free verse poem about her life. She’s led a simple but rich life, and everyone treasures her.

I wasn’t happy with what I had, so I gave her a book. While I know it’s always nice to let someone know they’re appreciated while they’re still here, my concerns about giving her the poem are twofold:

The first is that it seems far too final. It seems like something better suited to a funeral.

The second is that it really wouldn’t be her type of poem. I’ve really appreciated her life more since I began reading about Taoism and Zen, and I reflect that in a line about it taking years for me to appreciate the quiet Zen of a Texas Lutheran lady. I’m not sure how she would react to that.

Should I give it to her or not? Should I work on another one, more her style?

2

If she is not “scheduled” to die on Thanksgiving, give her the poem. Then, if it seems that she did not “get” it or only accepted it out of politeness, write her one in a style more comfotable to her. It is not as though you are limited to giving her a single poem–and she may surprise you with how she responds to the one that is meaningful to you.

3

Well, I don’t know your grandmother, but I think it would be nice to give it to her.
I think if I were in that position I would appreciate that you had taken the time to write a poem just for me, even if it wasn’t my usual “style”. I am sorry to hear that you are facing this situation.

4

First off, let me express my sympathy, Fionn. While the sudden death of a loved one can be catastrophic, I think that knowing the end is coming can be worse. It can be hard to remember the vital person they were, before the illness- I remember my grandmother in her final days of suffering a brain tumor, and that’s not how I want to remember her.

Second, I think you should give her the poem- or, if you’re not happy with it, write her a new one. She knows that you’re literary, and I’m sure she’d be touched by the sentiment.