You’re joking, right? You don’t think getting back together with an Old Hottie who dumped you 10 years ago, when you’re currently committed to somebody else, would be “awkward”? (I think it’s logical to assume that she was the one who did the dumping before, because guys who are “crazy about” girls who are “out of their league, looks-wise” don’t generally dump them.)
Geez, I’m not even in the Singles Scene, being happily married for 34 years now, and even I can tell that allowing any further communication with this girl would be a Very Bad Idea. Even if you weren’t on the brink of a lasting and significant relationship with The Girl Next Door, even if you were still footloose and fancy free, as your mom, I would still be going, “Ummm…” with that “mom look” on my face, as you adjusted your tie in front of the mirror on the way to see Little Miss Tell Me You Still Want Me Because My Self-Esteem Is Currently In The Toilet Due To My Divorce And I Need You To Bolster My Ego Temporarily.
Let me guess: when you were dating, you openly marveled at why she chose you. And you spoiled her rotten. Presents. Lots of presents. She never gave you anything, unless you count that stuffed animal she won at the coconut shy at the fair and didn’t want and tossed it over to you, “Here, you can have this…” And anything she wanted to do, you did. Anything you wanted to do, she had to think about it, and frequently nixed it.
Am I right?
So, no surprise, she needs that have s’more of that good old ego-boosting adoration. And she looks to you to provide it.
You said it took you a long time to get over her. Question: Are you better-looking now than you were 10 years ago? Or worse? If you’re better-looking now, then she might stick around in your life for a while. But if you pretty much look the same way you did 10 years ago, then she’ll stay only long enough for her to line up someone else, preferably someone with money, as she’s now at the time of life when the bar is closing down and she still doesn’t have anyone to take her home, so, she thinks, if you have to take potluck, might as well choose “wealthy potluck”.
So, you want to run the risk of falling in love with her all over again, only to have her dump you again? Does that sound like fun, having your heart broken again, by the same chick? Plus at the risk of losing The Girl Next Door, who won’t be inclined to obligingly come back and heal your broken heart after the Old Hottie gets done with you. Girls Next Door rarely do, because by the time you get done with your fling, she will have found another Boy Next Door and will be working on her “2.1 kids” population increase.
If, however, you have metamorphosed into Donald Trump in the last 10 years, never mind all this–she will never leave, and will do her best to drive off The Girl Next Door, too.
Question: Did you post your engagement on Facebook before she contacted you? Think carefully.
No, you wouldn’t, actually. Once you’d exhausted the reminiscences, then you’d have to deal with, “Where are we going with this relationship?” which never requires any conversation, because it’ll be pretty obvious that it can go in only one of two directions, this not being a society that currently allows multiple wives. Either you’re going to have a fling with her, or you aren’t. And deciding that doesn’t take much talk.
And when your fiancee finds out that you’re having a fling with your old girlfriend right after you got engaged to her, it won’t take her much conversation to move out of your life, either.
Tell the Old GF politely, in words of one syllable, that you think it’s best if the two of you not meet, or become “friends”, or have any further contact. Tell her you don’t think you can be “just friends” with her, and it wouldn’t be fair to any of the parties concerned to even attempt such a thing.
And if she gushes, “Oh, I’d LOVE to meet your fiancee”, then you will know that she is just trolling for validation, because a normal person would understand the reason for the polite brushoff and would accept it.
But if you are stupid enough to arrange some sort of meeting between Old GF and New GF, then you totally deserve everything that happens to you, and your father and I will be very disappointed in you.
Straighten your tie.