Break up etiquette in the age of Facebook.

Okay, I’ve been debating on posting this for a long time now, but wtf, what not? Here’s the scenario; girlfriend of six years breaks up with me, the immediately posts as her FB profile photo, a picture of her an and her new boyfriend. So, every time I stumble across and an old message or old post by her, I’m left looking at the smiling picture of the new happy couple.

Now, I understand she’s allowed to move on, and she de-friended me, I don’ really have a problem with her posting happy pictures of the two of them, on her page (I can’t see them anyway), but is the posting of the two of them on her profile pic, the biggest passive aggressive fuck you of all time?

The sooner you realize that it’s not all about you the better your life will be. Move on.

No, she is posting a picture of her life. You aren’t in it. He is. Suck it up.

Block her, easy squeezy

You need to delete all that junk so she can become a vague memory

My soon-to-be-ex-son-in-law apparently went straight from the “I want a divorce” conversation with my daughter to his Facebook page to become “single.” My niece, therefore my sister and my mother, found out about the impending divorce that way instead of from me or my daughter. What ya gonna do? You can make all the etiquette rules you want, but it won’t matter. Facebook is bigger than all of us…

Well, you can challenge it to a round of Yahtzee…

It’s not about you. Chances are good she isn’t even aware that her profile pic changes retroactively on the accounts of people she isn’t even Friends with anymore (I sure wasn’t.)

Really, it’s no different than seeing her walk down the street with her new boyfriend. Sure, it stings, and that’s natural, but you don’t have any right to ask her to stay at home with him where you don’t have to see them together.

UnFriend her, block her, whatever, and move on.

Block her. My ex dumped me for someone else at work and their pictures were popping up constantly through the pages of our mutual friends. It wasn’t their profile pics it was links our mutual friends were posting to parties and such with them together, smiling like fools, their arms wrapped around each other. I had to block about half a dozen people in order to avoid having their pics shoved in my face several times a day. Even after I moved on, it still sucked having that rejection staring me in the face constantly.

Block that shit, no need to torture yourself unnecessarily.

I suppose it would depend what kind of person she is. You’re the one who knows her; do you think she’s the vindictive bitter type who would intentionally try to hurt you by doing that? Otherwise, like everyone else said, it’s not about you. People gotta live their lives. It appears she is. You should too.

She de-friended you and changed her photo to show her current boyfriend. She moved on. Why haven’t you?

You’ve been thinking about this for a long time? Why? Find something better to do!

I’m not quite sure of the timeline on this, but the OP says after the break-up she immediately posted the new photo. I’m imagining her breaking up with him, then going home and firing up Facebook and changing everything. I mean, breaking up with someone and then posting a photo with the new person within a day or two? Seems kinda skeevy to me.

It might be, but it’s still nothing you should expect to control about an ex. If Facebook represents their life, then a new beau will be part of that. It doesn’t need to be about the OP.

AFAIK, if there’s any “etiquette” actually involved here (and let’s face it, there’s etiquette involved in everything), it’s the same as the etiquette for changing relationships back in the days before Facebook.

Namely, etiquette requires that the first person to know about a breakup should be the (ex-) partner. Once the breakup has officially occurred, both members of the former couple are free to publicize their single status and/or their new relationship(s) according to whatever conventions they use for that purpose.

That means that FairyChatMom’s son-in-law was WAY out of line in declaring himself “single” on FB before he was actually divorced or even separated. But the OP’s ex-GF wasn’t out of line in changing her profile photo to include her new BF once she was actually broken up with the OP.

That’s not to say that her lightning-fast transition from Guy A to Guy B doesn’t come across as rather amusingly tasteless. High-schoolers may drop one sweetheart and find a new one in the course of a day or two, but when someone old enough to have been dating the same guy for six years switches that quickly, she might as well just put up a sign saying “This is my beloved sweetie Guy B, the guy I’ve been cheating on Guy A with.”

Nonetheless, tasteless isn’t the same thing as actually rude or contrary to etiquette. So the OP’s ex-GF earns a Discreet Snicker Behind the Fan but not a full-bore Glare Through the Raised Lorgnette on this one.

Ok, I get all the “it’s not about you”, but she immediately changed here profiles pic? As in, she immediately had a new boyfriend, and a picture of herself with him? Which came first the new boyfriend, or the break up? Or is “immediately” a bit of hyperbole?

I could buy that she met the new boyfriend before getting rid of the old one, enjoyed the new boyfriend, had a picture taken with him… then made the switch.

Tough on the OP, but what you gonna do?

I can too, but that makes her a rather shitty person. Starting another relationship before ending a previous one (assuming it’s exclusive) is shitty behavior.

While I’m not one for giving shitty people a pass (as that rewards their behavior and makes them more likely to be shitty to the next person) I must admit it’s probably too late to do anything. Even at the time the best you could probably have done is point out that she likes to cheat on her boyfriends.

(Still don’t know why anyone would want to be with someone who cheats on their boyfriend for you. How can you trust them not to do the same thing to you? And how hard is it to at least text a breakup notice?)

Man, this thread just got goooood.

I feel for you. Facebook seems great until something like this comes along.

I sympathize, since my ex did something similar. I didn’t defriend him, but I hid him from my feed.