I would like to know anyone’s insight on what’s the smartest way to approach this issue.
I went out with my best friend some nights ago and she uploaded photos from that night on Facebook. Lets just say some of the pictures of me are ugly enough to make me cry and seriously rethink my self confidence.
I asked her twice on Facebook to take the pictures down. Then I sent her a text message with the same request. Her reply was “Don’t be silly, the pics are cool :p”
I sent another message along the lines of “I really wouldn’t be asking you this if it didn’t mean as much to me, I am being serious and you’re not being fair. I would never upload unflattering pictures of you”. Her reply, again, was that I don’t look bad in them. Then I asked twice more and got the same kind of reply.
I’m now a bit agitated as this is just rude.
I just don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to start a fight but I want those pictures removed. Should I just keep nagging her until she finally complies even though that may damage our friendship? I know that uploading unflattering pictures of her would be a bit childish and stupid. Should I just say “Fine, keep them up, but know that I am very unhappy that you are doing so and I don’t think it’s fair of you. I wasn’t asking much.”
I maintain my running club web site, and a couple of times people have asked me to remove unflattering photos, and I do so without hesitation. Seems kind of rude of your friend to keep the photos up. The only exception that I could think of is if you are the type of person to complain about every photo ever taken of you.
Guys, I am way past that teenage whiny stage where I complain about every photo of me. I think I’m pretty reasonable about these things. For example, there are dozens of photos people uploaded of me that I wish they didn’t - I don’t complain. I shrug those photos off even though they’re not my best.
But these specific photos however, are really bad enough to make me feel like shit. As in, ruin my day. I am seriously uncomfortable with the idea of the whole world seeing them.
That’s actually a good idea, and worth a shot. I think I’d probably take down any pictures someone didn’t want up just because it’s a bit of a dick move to keep pictures up when you know your friend doesn’t like it. I wouldn’t keep begging them to take them down, though - I’d make a mental note of what kind of person they are and deal with them accordingly in the future (i.e. not be in any position for them to take any further pictures of me).
I’d find a new “best friend”. If someone’s going to blow off your feelings and opinions over this, what value are they going to have in a more serious crisis?
You did, at the very least, untag them, right? And I have to go along with others here, saying you might want to rethink the relationship a bit. It seems to be that friends who really want to be friends are not that cavalier about your feelings.
I’m sorry this is getting you down.
This had happened to me as well.
Sadly; about the only thing you can do is un-tag pictures. That way it will not show up on your profile. Granted, it wool still show on her profile but , at least its something.
There’s nothing you can do about it but ask. Your next choice is to decide whether it’s worth ending a friendship over [hint: it’s not]. I guarantee, you have spent more time looking at those pictures and thinking about them than anyone else over well. Move on. There are people in the world with real problems.
Yeah, all I ever do is untag. But that’s out of consideration for my friend–if were to ask, my picture would disappear.
I do think a friend who won’t take down your picture when you ask is being a bad friend. I probably wouldn’t end a “best friendship”, but I’d definitely make my position very clear, even if that required the ultimatum email. (Though I probably wouldn’t be friends with someone who needed that.)
And other people having “real problems” is never, ever relevant to any conversation about your problem, any more than the fact that children starving in Africa is relevant to whether or not you should eat food you don’t like. It’s a guilt trip tactic, and thus emotionally manipulative.
Diogenes, I’m aware how miniscule this issue is in regards to the whole universe, but people can be bugged by issues that seem minor to other people. We do it all the time. Otherwise unless your whole family is dying of cancer and starvation, you’re never entitled to complain about anything
thirdwarning, yeah I untagged them first. Anyway, after some more verbal exchanges (that were getting increasingly heated), she finally removed the photos but maintains that I was the one being silly and that there’s nothing wrong with the pictures. Along with the Earth-shattering observation that just because she took the photos down, it does not change the way I look. Well, now I’m content at least.
I started this thread to get some suggestions but also to get some perspective whether other people consider my request unreasonable. But most of you have confirmed my opinion that it’s not right to refuse removing someone’s photos when they ask you to.
Type my name in the google search bar, and there is only one picture of me that pops up.
The weird thing is, I have no recollection of the picture being taken, I have no recollection of the party it was taken at, and I do not recognize half the people in the picture.
This is pretty disturbing, I don’t know if it is some photoshop thing (unlikely, my friends aren’t that bright or motivated), or if I was having a medical episode of some kind (unlikely) or if it is some kind of parallel time line thing and I should alert the physics department at a major university.
Regarding the OP, I would happily trade the circumstance . . . .
I generally try to get people’s permission before posting pics of them - show them the pic and then post it later, or don’t worry about showing it to them if I know they’re easygoing about it. It doesn’t matter whether you think your friends look good, but how they feel about it; putting up pictures that make them feel bad is, well, not a friendly thing to do.
Of course, I have the ‘right’ to do it (assuming I rook the photo, so have copyright of it), which I bet is where Dio’s coming from, but that’s not what you were asking.
Anyway, your friend is kind of being a dick here. What’s the big deal with removing photos you don’t like? She should have just done it. What is the freaking hold up? I am curious to know why it took so much persistence for her to do such a tiny little thing. Did you ask?
I agree with all posters who think this friend should comply with your request to remove the pictures. You apparently have made it clear that you’d prefer they not be posted: that should be enough for any “good” friend to easily comply with.
As far as what you can do about it if they won’t take them down? I don’t know.
Its not the end of the world in the grand scheme of things to end an inconsiderate friendship either so its a ridiculous argument either way.
Glad it worked out, the main thing I would have suggested is to talk in person once you get the first refusal. Messaging makes it much easier to turn into ‘dont tell me what to do’ arguments which is what I suspect happened.
