So, I’m in a bit of a bind. I need to do a quick, comedic monologue for an event on the weekend, and the one I’d really like to do is Brian’s coked-up rant from the ‘Family Guy’ episode “The Thin White Line”.
Unfortunately, my DVD is on loan, and I can’t find a transcript on the web.
Can anyone help me out?
Specifically, I’m looking for the monologue in which Brian starts be telling Lois about finding some guy smuggling drugs in his baby’s diapers (I think) and then goes into a big rant about there’s no moral decency anymore.
I was just emailed the transcript. If anyone wants it…
“My day? Un-FREAKIN-believable. First, first we nail this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter’s doll. Her DOLL for God’s sake! Oh, where’s the line anymore? Well, I got news for you. It’s, it’s it’s not even the RADAR screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone, honey. BAM! Freakin’ evaporated like a dingy, stinkin’ mud-puddle. One, one day you, you see your reflection in it, and the next day it’s, it’s a, it’s a damn OIL SPOT on your cracked driveway, staring back at you, mocking you, blah, blah, blah, and knowing the perverted truths and rot in the pit of your soul. That’s how my freakin’ day was!”
What’s the name of the Family Guy episode where Stewie attempts to escape home to the closing theme of the Incredible Hulk? I think he’s hitching against a live-sction backdrop of passing cars?