So would I, but Jaysus, for most humans, it’s not an either/or choice. To say straight up, as in the OP, “I don’t care if she’s smart and I don’t even give a damn if we ever talk or not. Just be cute and nice and we’re done” is cray.
However, if I wasn’t married…I would hop on MeanOldLady in a heartbeat!
Bingo.
IMO you can have good people. And you can have nice people. And you can have good people who are nice. And nice people who are not good.
Nice people who are not good. These are the seemingly friendly types who plot behind your back and stab it the first chance they get. Or they are actual thieves or blend kitties in blenders or such in their spare time. They appear nice but nobody would claim they were nice knowing their particular big picture behavior.
Good people. They pay their taxes. Obey some general high level moral code. Treat people fairly in a logical Vulcan sort of way. Stay out of court and jail. Try to do their job right and so on an so on.
Good people who are nice. They do the good people thing. But they also do things like eat at the Mexican place they don’t love because Bob does love it and hey its his birthday. They help out the guy broke down alongside the road. They let the little ole lady at the store ahead of them because she only has 2 items. They remember that Suzy loves to hike Red Rock canyon, they haven’t seen her lately at the hiking club meetings, and give her a call to see if she would like to come along on the trip she may not know about.
IME most people who appear to be nice people are generally good people who go the extra mile to be nice. And IMO when most people describe someone as being “nice” that is the type of person they are describing…not some superficial person that has nothing behind the facade of social politeness.
All right, well everyone’s talking in circles around each other now. It’s well past noon, so I’m going to have a drink now.
See… too smart… over thinking things gives you a metaphysical ice cream headache which you have to drink away. If you were nice you’d know a stall in the conversation means it’s time to get frisky.
The guy in the OP seems to be looking for a submissive wife, which is separate trait from niceness or intelligence.
Or a docile wife, which to me is even different still from submissive. I will admit they tend to correlate.
I had a friend with pretty low standards. One time he ended up with a girl as dumb as a load of bricks, and she cost him thousands of dollars while he was in college. She was awfully nice, she was so nice, but she didn’t even comprehend how bank accounts worked. She would get to the last of her money and then buy a snack at the convenience store, causing an overdraft fee. Then the next day she’d buy another snack. And then something on the way to work. Suddenly she had hundreds of dollars in fees. But she didn’t check her bank account. Her paycheck would come in, go towards the fees, and she’d have a pittance in the account. So, without checking, she’d once again go get a snack, and the cycle would continue. She couldn’t figure out why she never had any money.
It was months before he figured out why she never had any money (not like he had access to her bank records), and he always felt guilted into giving her money because she was so nice. She moved in with him because her mother was controlling and semiabusive. She was so nice, he couldn’t help it. But she couldn’t afford rent, so…
Eventually he managed to peel her off and ran for the hills. She wasn’t even attractive. Near the end of it he was shuddering thinking about her, but she was so sweet and nice, doing anything bad to her was like slapping a baby. He felt horrible about breaking up with her, and leaving her without any money, and forcing her to go back to her mother.
He’s much happier now.
Nice didn’t get him much in that relationship.
Please keep in mind that she was in college. I believe she even graduated college. I’m not sure if that says more about her or the college (it was an expensive college).
Anyway now that storytime’s over, I can definitely see how OP is just a jerkface, and very likely a misogynistic jerkface. He wasn’t just saying intelligence is unimportant, he was saying that women were not a type of person that mattered to him. She was there to smile, be pretty, be a sleeve for him, and maybe make him dinner now and then. Nothing more. Emotional connections and real conversations are for his real friends, you know, guys. How shallow.
Personally I have never had an issue having a best friend for a husband. Keeping your SO at arm’s length on some things just isn’t my style. We’ve never had a problem sharing everything and talking about everything that comes to our minds. He is my ideal partner in everything. I don’t follow with the “women talk differently than men” kind of stuff - perhaps you have simply not found the woman that resonates with you on every level. There ARE women into the same sports as you, y’know, and women who don’t natter on about reality TV. Just like there are guys that like knitting and talking about fashion styles.
Most important of all is a woman’s brains…her delicious brayyyns
Ah, now I see! This is why I’m still a virgin.
I think that it’s pointless to sit around analyzing things like this. If your date’s words trouble you that seriously, you just don’t book any further dates. Problem solved.
Doesn’t sound like he has a need to seek out deep conversation, period.
More likely that he’s letting you know softly and gently that he doesn’t really mind that you’re so woefully stupid. It’s ok, he’ll still fuck you, because vaginas don’t need brains.
This is out of line some for this forum and is seemingly insulting. Let’s back off making comments like this that are (sound) personal.
Whoah whoah - are we missing the point of the OP here?
I was trying to suggest a possible motivation for the guy in her story’s comment…
That was not me saying those things to her. It was at worst me removing the inhibitions of polite speech that this unsavory individual tempered his comments to you with the face with, to better understand his possible reasoning for making them…
:dubious:
I believe you in your reasonings, however the post read a bit harsh with how you put it, whether you intended or not…thus the small note.
As to not hijack this thread anymore about the discussion of the note, however, you can feel free to talk about it in your already-made ATMB topic, if you wish (or feel free to make a new one).
If it means anything, I understood your point.
(But for a sec I was also thinking WTF?)
There are certainly men out there like that, but I find them off-putting and put it down to being brought up wrong, severely maladjusted or mentally ill or a combination of the three.
He is so very very far off from what most guys want that its as if that guys not even human, at least not in my world where every guy I ever dated was a great conversationalist, wanted mental stimulation from both his male friends& his girlfriend alike. The guys I dated& my current man were all into talking to me also. The physical comes after.If a guy ever said that to me, umm, yeah hed probably have my fist in his face. Actually, my guy is smart& wants to talk and relate. Then of course we also have physical relations.I would never go with a guy who thinks that physical& being nice are all that matters. And in my life Ive never had a relationship end badly or last under 3 years either, Im doing something right. Do not think for a sec. That any guy saying men only want physical are right. Maybe they only want that- REAL men want more. Of course real men don’t get a woman like me either- who likes the same things& never yells abt. Him playing endless video games because one of my favorite things is to watch him play them. Who loves action& horror films& can have long talks abt his interests like wrestling sports or whatever& be just as interested,but who can also cook, clean, and care for his needs and never feel used.You don’t get a girlfriend like that unless you have the mentality of more than a sexist piglet, or caveman.I also think physical is important but you cant have a perfect sex life unless you can talk abt what exactly you both want in detail.
I had a first( and last) date with a guy that wanted a big hug and kiss at the end of the date, but explained he would never be able to marry me because his church didn’t approve of pastoral candidates(which he was) marrying a woman who’d been divorced.
“So long, buster, I hope you find your Betty Crocker someday.”