A friend just told me that she and her husband are getting a divorce. I’m not surprised since I rarely saw them together. Half the time, it was easy to forget she was even married.
Is there anything I should do to help her out? She’s my only female friend, but we’re not best buds or anything. I’m not familiar with divorce and know very few people who’ve been through it (my husband’s parents divorced a couple of years ago, but I don’t even like them).
What about sending her flowers or a teddy bear or something? Would that be appropriate? I don’t want them to arrive and for her to think they’re from her husband until she reads the card, though.
You might just want to call and invite her out for coffee or lunch, or that sort of thing. If she needs your emotional support, she’ll take you up on it and you can talk. Often, having someone available to talk to is the most important thing.
I got three deliveries of flowers the day my divorce was final. And friends threw me a big party. It was very nice.
At the early stages, just offer yourself. As fluiddruid said, coffee or lunch (or the traditional pint of Haagen Dazs). Someone to hang with. Someplace to be Friday night. An ear if she needs it.
Once you know where she is emotionally, you’ll be able to better judge what she needs that you can provide. She may have a boyfriend lined up already - and not need you to do anything except be non-judgemental. Or she may be completely crushed and feel completely alone and need as much support as you feel able to give.
(If you want to send something, a card would be thoughtful and allow you to say “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I care.” Flowers or teddy bears may be too much.)
My divorce was final last week. My friends and relatives went through 364 days of listening to me. That’s what I wanted. Someone to listen. Not to offer advice, not to tell me what they thought. Just listen to me, dammit. And if they did offer an opinion, it better have been what I wanted to hear. See, divorce is all about me (in the royal sense). I don’t doubt that it is all your friend thinks about. Can you tell how your friend is taking this? Is she sailing through it or crying non-stop? It’s always nice to know that someone is thinking of you, but if you aren’t best friends, don’t go over the top. A little “cheer up” present, like a note or a candy bar is nice.
And believe it or not, there were times I didn’t want to talk about it. Let your friend by your guide. You might also offer your services–if she’s moving out, you could go look at apartments with her. If he moved out, you could help her clean the house.
My running partner has been going through this since last Aug.
If she needs to cry,scream,rant ,etc. just let her do that and dont take it personal. Just be there for her however she needs it. It will take a little intution but it really helps that she knows she has a friend she can count on. Good luck to her.
Thank you, everybody. I invited her over for Friday for pizza, Harry Potter and PS2 (what can I say, we’re nerds), but she has a friend flying in from out of town for the weekend, so I’ll make the invite for a later weekend.