Get together for a few drinks - you, your mates and their wives/girlfriends (and him, obviously). When everyone is nicely oiled, tell a hilarious/disgusting tale about “some geezer” you heard about at work, who got caught clubbing Flipper in his mate’s house, whilst inhaling the Gusset Snurge from his mate’s wife’s knickers.
At that point, there should be uproar within your little group, and I imagine it would mostly be pretty vocal expressions of disgust and of what an absolutely sick nutjob this knicker-sniffer is. The ladies will no doubt make their opinions known of such an invasion of privacy, loud and clear.
Finish the tale with the sniffer being chased down the road by his gun-toting former friend. Maybe say that he took a pot-shot, and got a bullseye, in the brown-eye, from a quarter of a mile away.
Of course the shooter will not be charged, he was protecting his home and family. Express your admiration for such a hero, and declare you’d do EXACTLY the same…
Make sure you don’t make eye contact with your “pal” until the tale is done, and make sure there is no smile in your eyes when you do. Hold his gaze just long enough for him to get the message.
Once he knows you know, he should take the hint. I imagine his visits would peter out pretty rapidly, as he finds other more pressing things to do in another town. Nothing to explain to your wife then either, your buddy will just have found new friends to play with…
So you posted for advice, people gave their input, and it sounds like you’ve made your decision, presumably based on the input of people in this thread as well as a number of other factors only you can know. You don’t have to go on the defense now because you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you chose to handle it this way (with the possible exception of your wife, eventually.) This thread has served your purpose, right?
That said, if this happened to me and I found out that my husband was not only keeping it from me, but inviting the guy to come back in the house… I would be furious. YOU are not hurting her by telling her the truth. The only one causing harm in this situation is the asshole who did this. I understand you don’t want her to experience the negative emotions that will come along with this revelation, but it is far, far worse to deny her the ability to protect her own privacy. To not even give her a say in the matter, when it’s her privacy that was violated - that’s just not right.
Also, aside from the whole panty thing, who the fuck watches porn at their friends’ house? That’s not normal at all. He has a problem, and should perhaps seek psychological help.
If Creepy McPantywanker is hotfooting it to the dirty laundry pile within minutes of his good friend heading out the door, then the chances of him getting caught by other people in his group of “friends” doing similar shit in the future is pretty damn high.
I think upthread there was a hypothetical about what happens when the OP’s wife comes back from a girlfest screeching about how “Creepy just got caught whacking it in one of her girlfriend’s undies, and she always KNEW he was a creeper, and isn’t it lucky that he never stays the night any…” and then she looks at the OP’s face and realizes that something happened to make McPantywhacker no longer welcome at her house, and she never knew about it.
Yeah. I’m imagining that conversation to be a lot more uncomfortable than an immediate “Honey, I have something skeevy and unfortunate to tell you - you know Creepy? Yeah - it’s worse than we thought.”
As a wife and a woman - I would much rather be uncomfortable and violated and KNOW, than to find out later that this was hidden from me to keep me from feeling uncomfortable and violated.
Uh, another angle here. What will she do/feel if HE tells her about this – thus exposing that you did NOT tell her?
Because he must know you know. And if she doesn’t react badly to seeing him in the future, he’ll know she doesn’t know.
And that will give him immense power to fuck up your life by saying something. He might even be able to prove it, with evidence, if he slipped another pair of her panties into his pocket that you failed to notice.
I know telling your wife and losing this friend will be awkward as hell. But I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with someone else holding a card like that over my marriage…especially a creepy loner guy.
Well, looks like the womenfolk are correct to be trusting their guts.
If prickknickers is as much of a drinkbraggart as you make him out to be, you might just get a chance to compare the two scenarios directly at the next friendly barbecue.
“…and your husband walked in on me right as I was on the vinegar stroke! Oh, he didn’t say nothing, but I reckon I did see a twinkle in his eye and a bulge in his trousers as he backed out that bedroom door!”
Are you serious? That’s a pretty immature way to handle something like this.
This is a very simple situation:
1 - Tell your wife (I can’t figure out why you wouldn’t want to, makes no sense)
2 - Tell your friend it was inappropriate
I’m a woman. If my husband found this happening, talked to the guy and limited his access to the house, why do I need to know? He dealt with the problem.
And as far as being violated unknowingly? I can’t even imagine how many times I, and all the women in this thread, have been masturbating fodder. Whatever. Welcome to men.
Whether or not you tell your wife (and I think you should, as someone who kept a pretty big secret from his wife for a long time and then finally told her and had to deal with the question of “why am I just now hearing this?”), I think it’s imperative that you confront your creepy-ass friend.
Sure, he’ll almost certainly deny any wrongdoing. Irrelevant. You need to look him in the eye and tell him in no uncertain terms that some things are completely unacceptable… and that you will be watching. He’ll bluster that he didn’t do anything, and you should say, “Then you have nothing to worry about, but I WILL BE WATCHING.”
I don’t care if someone’s getting off to thoughts of me while they’re in their own damn house. Fap away! Have fun! It’s a very different story if he’s in my home with my undies in his hand.
Another Devil’s Advocate here…and like CrazyCatLady…
and from the OP:
My Bolding.
Many times, everyone here assumes the worst, without evidence or proof…and this might be the case. It depends if those panties are actually your wife’s and not his fiancee’s. Are they a common store brand panty or one from a specialty shop? That could play into the proof v. assumption decision. Did you see your wife panties actually missing in the hamper immediately after you assumed they were on the floor of the guest bedroom?
And just maybe your friend was doing the same thing about his fiancee with his fiancee’s panties that he brought from his/her home…and they look very similar or nearly identical to your wife’s panties. It’s too bad that you didn’t question or investigate these things immediately to establish whose panties they were, so you could make a well-reasoned decision on what to do with your friend.
Because you are not 100% convinced that they are your wife’s panties, then you SHOULD NOT tell your wife until you are absolutely sure that’s what happened…because assumptions and gossip destroys people, especially when they are not true. You missed that opportunity to establish what happened independently…but still, something happened that should make you re-evaluate your friendship.
Still, IMHO, you should talk privately to your friend and ask the questions and let him tell you his version. Take time to think about…even give us an update if you feel like it. This incident you witnessed gave you the information (power) that could ruin him, but also to establish a new set of boundaries in your home that you alone dictate…take it or leave it (in the future). But you control how the friendship happens in your home from here on out, and he must respect it…and next time…he goes to the store with you.
Yup–that is the answer my wife gave me when I mentioned this thread to her. Now IF he had actually caught him and not just this circumstantial evidence then I might be inclined to take it further. But there could be an explanation other than that, so unless I caught him panties at nose and hand on mid-wank–I wouldn’t be telling my wife either. Personally I believe he was wanking but maybe they are his panties for all I know!
Another vote for telling your wife. I can understand you not wanting her to feel violated but think about what might happen if she finds out later. It sounds like she interacts with him as well, so if she ever does find out, the first thing she’s going to think of is all the times she was around him and had no idea. But he knew. And you knew. She’s going to feel like a fool or even worse, her trust in you might be violated. If someone I were with witnessed what you did and then didn’t tell me AND didn’t kick the guy out of his life, I’d be pissed when I eventually did find out. More so at you for making a decision for me on what I should be allowed to feel or think about a situation.
Well I don’t think it’s entirely uncommon for women not to, but it’s not like women NEVER think about that. Though I’d think that men are more likely to use visual aids in their sessions than women.
