A friend, my wife, her panties. NSFW

[CrazyCatLady]

@Crime_Scene

I mean, Jesus, what kind of pervert is he after a near miss he can still finish up?

The kind of pervert who will root through your wife’s laundry and steal her goddamn skivvies to jack off with. Would you also like for me to clear up the Pope’s religious affiliation for you? :dubious:

And frankly, if I were your wife I’d nuke every single pair of panties I owned from orbit. I wouldn’t want to take the chance that he’s done this before and gotten by with it. shudder The thought of wearing underwear some creepy dude has jerked off with makes me want to scrub my vulva raw in boiling water.

[MPB_in_Salt_Lake]

@cougar58

Unchecked, he will soon progress to stage 2. This is where, instead of borrowing a pair of her panties from the hamper, he gets a clean pair from her dresser, beats the bishop in them, then puts them back in the dresser, with the other clean panties.

They refer to that as sex by proxy. Her own moisture will revitalize his dried out jizz, and althou the sperm died the second they were exposed to air, remnants of his rembrant will in fact make it into her. In fact, every time a bishop gets beat, the bishop releases 1 billion sperm. Even the panties in the hamper, after 60 minutes in Tide, will still have residual DNA in them…ask any forensics expert…forensics tech find DNA under much more adverse conditions. His live sperm are not in her, but I assure you a trace amount of his DNA already is.

Ps if you then perform oral sex on her, that is referred to as you giving him a blowjob by proxy.

8.5 out of 10.

Hey kid, you’re good; Not VC03 good, but if you stick around (git it?) maybe you’ll be mentioned in the same rarefied air as the guy who asked if he wiped himself on the Shroud of Turin if the Italian government would send someone to piss all over the Spokane Airport Olive Garden’s loading dock…

[Essured]

@Crime_Scene

Rght now, it is almost past the point of being able to tell her without her getting pissed off I didn’t let her know in the first place. I’ve heard my wife say a million times that ignorance is bliss when it comes to a lot of things. As of now, I’m thinking this might be one of those things. I’m not treating her as a child; I’m treating her as someone who I LOVE DEARLY and do not want to experience negative emotions. Do people not understand that?

I don’t think it’s too late to tell her, but it will be soon. If more than about a week had passed, and especially if I had worn the panties again, or interacted with said friend again in the meantime, I would actually be angrier at you than at the friend. I could shrug off the friends actions as confirming my thoughts that he was creepy, but I would have difficulty shrugging off my husbands actions in making decisions relating to this without including me. After all, they are my panties, in my home. And don’t forget - while I am a clean person, I’m sure I’m not the only person who has been caught out on the laundry front and quickly grabbed a pair from the top of the hamper that I knew I’d only worn for half a day, or were otherwise ok-ish to wear again… There’s a huge difference between being aware that a guy has probably thought of you while he was masturbating once or twice and having a guy take your intimate clothing and do that in your own home.

That said, every relationship is different. For my relationship, you not telling me would be the bigger problem. Then again, I would never say “ignorance is bliss”, so none of the above may apply to you and your relationship.

And for the record, when I said the friendship would be over, I wasn’t thinking of cutting the old friend off, or having a huge confrontation, I was thinking that I could never feel the same way about my friend again. It was your wife’s used panties. This was not an accident. He would not have grabbed a used tea towel if that was on top. The whole point of his actions were the fact that they were your wife’s used panties. I would not be able to get that out of my mind and continue to maintain the friendship. So, I’m not saying that this is a principled stand against OMG PERVERTS!, it’s just the boundary stomping, lack of restraint, and personal nature of what he did would result in there being no friendship left to ‘end’. His actions would’ve killed it and I would want to be nowhere near him again.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@not_what_you_d_expect

So there’s no chance this fella would ever come around the house when you’re not home? Cause your wife is gonna let him in even if you aren’t home. Cause she doesn’t know she shouldn’t.

I think that’s a good point, too - this guy isn’t normal. He makes women uneasy because they don’t feel safe with him; there’s something off about him that they are picking up on. In your wife’s case, it’s a very definite something, not just some vague feeling that he isn’t right.

As for telling your wife at this stage, something like, “Honey, something weird happened with our friend Wankypants this weekend. I’ve agonized over telling you because I didn’t want to upset you, but I think you need to know what happened…” would probably work.

[Simple_Linctus]

@Crime_Scene

FWIW: Nearly all my wife’s panties are the pretty much the same. The white, whatever material kind that you get at Wal-Mart or wherever. Besides the boy short ones or the special event type ones; these underwear were the former. So, if it is an issue for her, she is going to have to throw nearly all of her goddamn underwer away to get these out of rotation…I guess I am going to tell her since that is what the majority seems to think is the best route. Maybe I’ll tell her when we meet for lunch tom…nevermind. I don’t want her headed back to the office making decisions while pissed off.

Erm, in that case how do you know that the panties in the laundry basket are the same ones that were on the floor in the spare room?

Going back to the thinking the worst of the guy theme - is it possible he has taken the panties home with him?

@MandaJo

Because she’s going to feel more violated if she finds out later she’s been wearing panties that he’s wanked off into. And hell, for all you know, this isn’t the first time. Someone like this, that’s likely part of what gets him off–that she will later be wearing them. He’s going to jerk off later thinking about how she will wear them and she’ll never know . He’s going to be thinking about how the part that touched his dick is touching her stuff. That’s part of the thrill of this sort of boundary thing. I really don’t think you get that this wasn’t about masturbating. For that, he’d have had his phone out. This was about your wife.

You see why that violation feeling is, materially speaking, completely irrational, right? That’s why it’s possible to come to a conclusion that he shouldn’t tell her - because it will cause predictable negative effects which are not a rational, proportionate response.

Doubly so when as OP makes clear, all his friends are going to find out, including presumably the fiance. Which makes me absolutely certain even if he does tell his wife he must get the guy’s side of the story first. It would be an absolute traversty if there was an innocent or semi-innocent explanation.

[Spiderman]

First, I think the situation somewhat resolves itself next year after the wedding. Parent lose their religious objection to him staying at their house with his fiance once she becomes his wife. There’s no need for him to stay at your house anymore.

That being said, I wouldn’t let this guy back into my house, period. At a party, he could easily wander off for a few minutes. Even if it’s just the two of you watching a game, do you trust him to not run off & grab a pair while you’re in the loo? Maybe if she had seven pair, imprinted with each day of the week it would be readily apparent if a pair went missing but you’ve stated that she has many of the same style. Would she even realize if there was one less?

I also think you need to confront him, even if you do it privately as not doing so may embolden him more because he thinks he ‘got away with it’.

[Guinastasia]

That’s another thing that bothers me about this, besides not wanting to tell his wife because she’ll violated, is that she’ll also never want said friend to come over to the house. Like that’s honestly something that would be a BAD thing? Okay, you don’t have to drop the friendship completely, but it’s not like you can’t meet him at a bar or something. I cannot believe that at the very least, he’s willing to have this guy come to his house again.

@Simple_Linctus

Doubly so when as OP makes clear, all his friends are going to find out, including presumably the fiance. Which makes me absolutely certain even if he does tell his wife he must get the guy’s side of the story first. It would be an absolute traversty if there was an innocent or semi-innocent explanation.

Because of course, it’s not like there’s a possibility his friend would lie or anything like that. :rolleyes:
For those who are saying people are overreacting, I would imagine this guy is the type talked about in The Gift of Fear.

[6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast]

@olivesmarch4th

Also, aside from the whole panty thing, who the fuck watches porn at their friends’ house? That’s not normal at all. He has a problem, and should perhaps seek psychological help.

Absolutely this.

I think the really bad thing about not telling your wife, Crime Scene, is that no doubt there will be future occasions where she will be interacting with kNicker Snarfer. She will, of course, conduct herself in her usual completely normal way.

Snarfer, knowing that you caught him pretty much red-handed, and having no basic sexual boundaries, will:

1. undoubtedly assume that you were somehow turned on by what you witnessed (since you never said anything to him); and

2. convince himself that this now wondrous legend of him has made its way into yours and your wife’s sex play. (e.g It-turns-me-on-that-you-my-hot-wife-turned-kNick-on-so-much-he-couldn’t-control-himself.)

He will think she knows what he did.

So when she doesn’t behave any differently towards him, or if she makes some kind of joke that he can construe as reference to the hamper heist, he will (because he’s a verified creep) believe that she thinks what he did is A-OK by her.

So just take a moment to think about that in regard to your wife and whether or not as an intelligent and mature woman, she should be told.

[Cinnamon_Imp]

@Crime_Scene

Here we go:

My wife is a very mature, intelligent adult. She is an administrator for a state agency at a very young age and very accomplished in her field, so her emotional and intellectual maturity is, shall we say, above and beyond par. It isn’t going to hurt her fragile little feelings if I tell her, but it is going to COMPLETELY creep her out and make her feel violated, so why the hell would I want to do that if it can be avoided?

Because you are not the one creeping her out and violating her - that was all him. But she has the right to know, and you’re not protecting her or doing her a favour by hiding things from her.

@Crime_Scene

I honestly am a little shocked that the overwhelming amount of people on posting believe I should just cut him out of my life completely and throw a friendship that has been in place since we were 8 or 9 years old when we are now 29. Like I said, him and I are not really close friends anymore due to distance and circumstances.

If he’s not a close friend, why stress how long you’ve known him? People lose touch and drift apart, it happens. It particularly happens when one of the friends is unpleasant and behaves inappropriately.

Just don’t make the effort to stay in touch, and come up with reasons to decline his invites.

@Crime_Scene

As also mentioned before, he is pegged as creepy and freaks most of the women folk out, thus he is rarely invited to anything like float trips, camping trips, or friend like vacations in general. He gets invited to barbecues and gets to stay the night when he comes and visits his parents, but that is about it.

The first sentence here should be a red flag. Other people already don’t invite him - I wonder what they caught him doing?

@Crime_Scene

I am scheduled to be a groomsman at his wedding in July. I am not, thank god, the best man. The guy has enough emotional problems as it stands, since this thread has taken on a life of his own I feel I should give some details about him. He is a) an alcoholic and b) more or less a loner. He is the type of guy in our late teens and early twenties we figured would shoot up a school. So, with his mental status being less than sound, I don’t want to send him over the edge.

His mental state is not your main concern. Your wife’s peace of mind (and panties) is.

@Crime_Scene

I don’t see him enough for it to be a huge deal if we just weren’t really friends anymore and I attended the wedding and more or less cut it off after that.

Then do that. Or come up with a reason you can’t make the wedding, and do it too. “Hey, Granma’s really ill, got to go out of town, sorry”

@Crime_Scene

If I tell her, she is definitely going to tell her friends, who will tell their friends, which will get back to all of his friends and then his creepiness is going to be completely confirmed and what little bit of a good reputation he has left will be gone. Why would I destroy someones life for wanking to some underwear?

You are not destroying anything. This is the consequences of his behaviour. If he doesn’t want to be treated as a creepy fuck, then he should not wank with your wife’s undies.

@Crime_Scene

He is a good guy, in his way. He is caring, in his way. He is just…fuck, creepy, I guess.

I know I’ve been abrasive so far, but can you do me a favour? Can you read these letters and their responses please?

#322 & #323 “My friend group has a case of the Creepy Dude. How do we...

@Crime_Scene

I choose to come here because I know it is a good place to solicit solid advice.

I think you need to take a deep breath and realise then, that 90% of people in this thread are saying the same thing - this dude is creepy, warn your wife, stay away from him. If you think this is a good place for advice then…

@Crime_Scene

Warning signs of what? That he is a creep? That has been established and is well known among our whole circle of friends. He just hasn’t been diagnosed as that dangerous kind of creep that is going to flash his cock to our significant others or force himself on them.

He is the kind of creep who gets drunk and brags about his over-the-top sexual escapades; his humor does not impress women and it in general makes them aggravated or uncomfortable. We have all known him as being like this for so long most of us just say, “Well, it’s Nick, so you take the good with the bad.”

Again, read the letters linked above. Just a quote:
"Step 5: Creepy dude creeps on with his creepy self. He’s learned that there are no real (i.e. “disapproval & pushback from dudes and dude society”) consequences to his actions. Women feel creeped out and unsafe.Some of them decide to take a firm stand against creeping and not come to parties anymore. They slowly slide out of the friend group. Some of the woman decide to just quietly put up with it, because they’ve learned that no one will really side with them and it’s easier to go along than to lose one’s entire community. "

@not_what_you_d_expect

So there’s no chance this fella would ever come around the house when you’re not home? Cause your wife is gonna let him in even if you aren’t home. Cause she doesn’t know she shouldn’t.

Yup

She needs the full story so she can protect herself.

@Crime_Scene

FWIW: Nearly all my wife’s panties are the pretty much the same. The white, whatever material kind that you get at Wal-Mart or wherever. Besides the boy short ones or the special event type ones; these underwear were the former. So, if it is an issue for her, she is going to have to throw nearly all of her goddamn underwer away to get these out of rotation…I guess I am going to tell her since that is what the majority seems to think is the best route. Maybe I’ll tell her when we meet for lunch tom…nevermind. I don’t want her headed back to the office making decisions while pissed off.

I’m glad you’re thinking about telling her.

And hey, now you know what to get her for Christmas - new undies from Walmart

[usedtobe]

@Simple_Linctus

<snip>. If you or your wife are going to tell anyone else about this then I really think you need to give him a right of reply first. Similarly, if you pull out of his wedding you have to confront him about this and give him a right of reply. <snip>

“RIGHT of reply” to this creep? He owes this creep?

I haven’t read through all of this, but I hope I’m not the first to call this out.

Find the panties. Put them in your pocket. Find scumbag (preferably in front of his parents and/or fiancee) and tell him that you will not be able to attend his wedding (NOTE: that is ATTEND, not “Partticipate in”).
If he asks why, pull out the panties and place them in his hand and say “Remember these? (name of wife) is not likely to forget them either”.
Walk out.

Yes, for (whatever’s) sake, tell your wife - if she ever learns that you knew of it at the time, she will be justified in feeling betrayed by her own husband.
“Awkward” would not describe that situation. Even if (up till now) she has never felt less that 100% trust in you, concealing this incident will rightfully give her grounds for always wondering if there might be backstory on your actions you have also concealed.

I’m guessing you have a close-knit community - perhaps a smallish town where everybody knows everybody at least up until High School. In a larger town, social groups can be more transient than you seem to have. Just guessing.

1. He is a CREEP
2. Your wife has been violated, You do not seem to understand the gravity of what he did - start a poll for the womenfolk - on a scale of 1 to 100, with 1 being exemplary behaviour toward women - the classic Knight in Shining Armor that every straight little girl (and some boys) dream of, and 100 being “do not want on same planet” and ask for a rating. You need to realize the abomination of his actions - what would it take - finding come in your wedding photos?

[usedtobe]

Nice to see I was not the first to use the term “violated”.

Listen up - that is EXACTLY what happened.

[saje]

I’ve known my husband for 30 years, been married 21 of those. If this happened to us and I found out later that he hadn’t told me about it, my anger at him would be orders of magnitude greater than my disgust and feelings of violation for CreeperDude. I would find it very hard to forgive my husband for hiding that, no matter how long ago it happened, and even though he wanted to save me from hurt.

SHE’s known this guy all her life too, she’s not a fool, not a hysterical sort, and a grown up intelligent person (according to you). She needs to have this information even though she may be upset by it. Better late than never absolutely applies here. He may be a basically harmless icky person, or he may not - but she has every right to know what’s going on so she’s not blindsided one day.

Tell her. Read that CaptainAwkward link above, and the letters and linked pages, and TELL YOUR WIFE.

[Cinnamon_Imp]

It also occurred to me - say Crime Scene, that you’d been staying at this guy’s house, and left alone with access to his fiance’s undies. Would you have done what he did?

And if for some reason you had spanked the monkey (in a drunken moment of madness or whatever) if he had caught you at it, how would *you *expect to have been treated? I’m assuming you’d feel a punch or at least a “get the fuck out of my house and stay away from my fiance, you pervert” would be justified.

He shouldn’t get a free pass because of previous bad behaviour.

[lost4life]

@Crime_Scene

Is the general consensus here that someone who wanks with your wife’s underwear is absolutely not your friend?

Anyone can be your friend, it’s up to you. This guy has shown he has no respect for you, your home, or your wife.

@Crime_Scene

I mean, guys have really piss poor impulse control when it comes to their sexual…umm, needs? So I guess that is what makes it easier to forgive him, which I have not done yet.

Most people do not have this kind of poor impulse control. This…this is just odd. What kind of people do you hang around? I know all kind of pervs and kinkoids, and none (I guess AFAIK) would violate my house or my family like this.

I’m not passing judgement at all, but it shows how different relationships can be. My wife and I have a boatload of relationship issues, but she is my partner and I wouldn’t even think about not telling her.

[Dr_Doom]

I have to say, this thread has afforded us all a very frank and honest exchange of
funny phrasings and humourous euphemisms!

A compilation:

“he was jackin’ it” - voltaire

“panty snifferz everywhere” - Troppus

“that certain Wessonality” - cougar58

“jacking off” - Manda JO

“knicker-touching among friends” - gracer

“choking his chicken” - voltaire

“peccadilloes” - lost4life

“a cheeky wank” - Simple Linctus

“the panty-masturbator guy” - colander

“willfully menstruated” - colander

“go to town” - Ann Hedonia

“enjoying a good wank” - Troppus

“Creepy Mcpantywacker” - Furious Marmot

“your wife’s hoo-hah” - black rabbit

“jerked off to” - TriPolar

“he was wanking” - Crime Scene

“yanking it” - colander

“enjoying himself” - Crime Scene

“wank material” - Antigen

“clubbing Flipper” - The Great Cornholio

“inhaling the Gusset Snurge” - The Great Cornholio

“a bullseye, in the brown-eye” - The Great Cornholio

“the vinegar stroke” - colander

“waxing the dolphin” - Chef Troy

“porn viewing area/jack shack” - Furious Marmot

“this seedy act” - Troppus

“sneak off for happy hour” - Troppus

“beats the bishop” - cougar58

“blowjob by proxy” - cougar58

“playing the skin fiddle” - Crime Scene

“our friend Wankypants” - Cat Whisperer

“kNicker Snarfer” - 6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast

“the hamper heist” - 6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast

“spanked the monkey” - Cinnamon Imp

“pervs and kinkoids” -** lost4life**

[Cat_Whisperer]

Thanks - we do what we can.

[VinylTurnip]

@Leaffan

What, so momen don’t masturbate while thinking of men? I find this [del]hard[/del] difficult to believe.

Not sure how I’d feel if one of my wife’s friends was caught masturbating with my used boxer shorts. Probably confused, mainly.

[gracer]

That is one beautiful list. I might print it out and hang it by the photocopier.

[Malthus]

@gracer

That is one beautiful list. I might print it out and hang it by the photocopier.

Indeed its an awesome achievement. My only regret is that I have not contributed.

[Kimballkid]

Not having read the entire thread, here is my 2 cents: You should tell your wife, but you only need to tell her what you actually saw, not what you think happened and let her draw her own conclusions and gauge her reaction then. If her reaction is not good, pervert becomes persona non grata and if her reaction is just to laugh and shrug it off, all is good.