I mentioned the video above because there was something in it very significant (at least to me). Probably it was a bit dumb to suggest people go off to watch an enlightening video, when the subject at hand was a pretty heavy and well attended and evolving conversation, but I was helping run a minor event last night and couldn’t say much more at the time. Sorry about that.
The point was the thing that felt so significant in it. The speaker is a retired policeman who was responsible for the Golden Gate Bridge, the site of hundreds and hundreds of suicides during his career. He said that the great majority of people who jumped did die. But he also said that a tiny fraction lived (though badly injured) to talk about it. Every one of those survivors said that the moment they stepped off the edge, they instantly felt they had made a terrible mistake.
When I heard this it was pretty hard for me, as my father was a suicide when I was 12, and he was my hero. I take from this that suicide is a huge huge event, and that when people make that choice, if they get the chance to look back on it for a few seconds they wish they could change it. Postponing suicide leaves all the options open, but the moment it’s done, all the other options vanish.
This is powerful information to have in advance of the event itself.
There was also another point this speaker made. When he was on duty and got to the person before they jumped, he would talk to them, and more important listen to them. That, merely that, was the magic aid that kept all but a couple of them from killing themselves. So all the listening everybody can bring to this situation is likely a huge improvement.
Sounds like there are several people here, myself included, who would like to find some way to contribute to that improvement. For what it’s worth.
Hey, Frank, this issue is close to my heart. I should have understood your frame of reference before I resorted to name calling. Sorry, and I hope your friend gets help.
Frank, I don’t have much advice to give that other people haven’t already suggested in this thread, but I’d like to say, I hope things get better for you and your friend.
Hope your friend is doing better, Frank. Sounds like you’re getting a better handle on how to help them and that’s really great.
You’ve been placed in a difficult place – you want to help your friend. Most of us don’t know what to do, really, and we’re afraid we’ll mess up and make things worse when what we most want to do is save people.
For all of our friends here who have lost loved ones … for all of us who fight the darkness on their own every damn day … for everyone who gives a damn, I grieve with you and I am grateful you are here. All we really have is this moment ane each other and you reached out.
It’s always better in the morning. It really is. Getting there is the trick, though.
This is a dangerous myth that is not borne out by statistics. 80% of people who successfully commit suicide have reached out to someone or given some warning about their intentions. “People who talk about suicide, threaten suicide, or call suicide crisis centers are 30 times more likely than average to kill themselves.”
How about providing some actual reasons not to commit suicide?
Personally, I believe we all have an absolute right to take our own lives, and I have thought quite a lot about it several times over my 56 years.
The biggest reason, IMO, is that it’s irrevocable. It closes out every conceivable future scenario, good and bad alike.
There may be some other people in his life who will be terribly hurt by his suicide. They may be wracked by guilt and suffer for years, and they will likely be the people he is closest to now.
As dropzone mentioned, it’s uncertain and likely to be both very messy and ugly. And if it results in some kind of terrible injury or disability, the outcome might be even worse than suicide (in his mind at least).
One time I decided that committing suicide was … losing. And I didn’t want to lose.
Another time I decided that the world was mostly bullshit, and not worth killing myself over.
I also found that being an atheist was helpful. I know there’s no rewards or punishments coming, no better future, etc. What I could see in front of me was all there was.
If your friend is religious, then remind him what his religion says about suicide. Odds are that his god thinks it’s a really bad idea.
Because there are so many things to do that he hasn’t done yet. Like enter a hot-dog-eating contest. Or shear a sheep. Or deliver a baby in a cab during a hurricane/earthquake/emergency. Or streak at the 4th of July fireworks. Or teach an adult to read. Or travel to Mexico and drink a glass of water on a dare. Or take a hot air balloon up and pee over the side of the basket onto his mother in law’s roof (I posted that in another thread about someone whose friend has cancer.)
Because there are so many things he hasn’t given to the world yet. Like his best, most raunchiest dirty jokes. Or his secret to always grilling the hamburgers til they’re well done but still juicy and delicious. Or his idea for an app for my phone that would prevent my cheek from hanging up on someone when I smile (seriously!)
Because he has SO MUCH that would be a serious bummer to lose. Like his most awesome friend Frank, who really cares about him. He’s truly a lucky son of a gun. Most people don’t have a friend like Frank. And if Frank cares about him, then hopefully that’s reason enough for him to care about himself today.
Because if he can decide to put the gun/knife/rope/belt/pills/etc. down today, just for today, knowing full well that he can pick it up again TOMORROW whenever he wants to, knowing that he is the one in control, the one with all the power to decide, perhaps that takes some of the pressure off and also takes away some of the fear and resentment of others possibly taking away his power and control. He can decide to pick it up tomorrow. And he can decide to put it down today.
Are those the type of reasons you were looking for, Frank?
