A friend was court marshaled and sent to the USDB (long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Let me start this out by saying he committed what could be considered a vile act. I really don’t want to go into the specifics. That is nobody’s business but his, the victim’s and the jury who sentenced him. The twenty or so people in my detachment know what he is accused of, but only those I listed have any evidence of what he DID.

This NCO and I were friends. I had done things with him socially and truly enjoyed his company. He was probably the funniest person I have ever met. He could make a joke out of everything. Within a few minutes, we could have each other rolling on the floor. He was also a good NCO. We both endured a year in Iraq together. He stayed strong and kept his sense of humor. (In case you are wondering, the time in combat had nothing to do with his unlawful actions.)

During the period since we returned, our command and NCO leadership changed. The new commander and detachment NCO never really got to know him as a person, nor as an NCO. They only got to see him as a person accused of a crime. We also changed a lot of personnel; new people in and old people out. None of these Soldiers got to know him either.

I want to tell people about him and the fun we used to have, but those that didn’t know him have a hard time seeing beyond what he was accused of.

The last time I saw him in our unit was the Friday before he was taken into custody. I thought that would be the last time I would ever see him again. I went through anger, denial, bargaining, and depression. I wasn’t sure if I would want to see him again. I was worried about how he would react to seeing me. (You know how it is, you do something embarrassing, you know all your friends know and you can’t look them in the eye.)

A couple weeks ago, I had to go to the brig where he was being held and escort him to an appointment. The place of the appointment was several hundred miles away. On the ride up, he had that same stiff upper lip. He didn’t speak to me much, and I didn’t speak to him at all. On the ride back we had a moment alone. He confessed to me that he had a moment in the brig where he realized he would never see his son again. That really broke him up. He was given medication and counseling, but he still had a hard time processing it. We were interrupted before I could try to help him find the strength he needed to get through this.

The rest of the ride back to the brig it was just like old times. We laughed, we joked, we had fun.

My friend was Court Marshaled yesterday. He will be proceeding to the United States Disciplinary Barracks tonight. I was not chose to accompany him. He will be confined for not less than 16 years.

FTR, I am told he was strong as the verdict was being read. He only broke down after the courtroom was cleared.

I miss him. Not the monster that committed the crime, but the man that was my friend. I am not supposed to talk about the details to outsiders from our unit, so if you know me or of whom I speak, keep it to yourself.

I don’t know what I expect to get from posting this, but thank you for reading it.
Sgt Schwartz

2

Damn.

3

If you are his friend, then write to him during the next 16 years.

4

I intend to, thank-you. I am also going to try to e-mail him once he gets inprocessed. I don’t know if he can keep his army e-mail, but I hope so.

Sgt Schwartz

5

Could be considered vile? Well what do you consider it?

6

Oh, c’mon. He said that

You don’t talk about a monster committing a crime unless you consider the crime vile.

Schwartz, that sucks.

Daniel

7

I’m trying to remain neutral. I am having a hard time separating the man from the act.

I agree, and I am still trying to play Hamlet on this. I am being influanced by people that don’t really know the NCO who was adjudged, but I appreciate your support.

Sgt Schwartz

8

Write him often, and keep him attached to the Outside. If the man is to be saved and the monster expunged, he will need all the support those on the Outside can give him.

9

Well, you’re the mental health NCO, but I would think this is the reason you’re having such a hard time dealing with this.
The sooner you accept that not all people are truly who they appear, and that some people can lead us to believe they are something else entirely, the sooner you can brush him aside as a vile monster who deserves to be imprisoned.
I’m sure his victim didn’t get a chance to see what a funny comedian he was or how he is able to stay silly and make jokes when he’s bored out of his mind in the FOB.
You’re feeling sorry for a person who doesn’t exist. You’re missing the person you thought he was. I’m sure you have learned all about people in abusive relationships. They can never seperate who they think their husband is, and who he really is inside.

I really think you’ll feel better once you accept that you didn’t really know this guy. The only people who should be going through all those stages of a crisis like denial and depression are the victim and this guy’s child. Neither of them deserve to have to go through this ordeal. Your old battle buddy on the other hand, deserves what he’s getting.

Some people just aren’t who we think they are. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

10

I agree that I did not know that part of him. I do respect your opinion as an NCO, but I also believe that your have done things you regret. I hope that your unit did not write you off as a person. I would hope your unit supported you as the Soldier you are rather than the mistake you made.
I also understand that he deserves what he is getting, but I cannot just forget about the loss of a friend.

Sgt Schwartz

11

This seems awfuly Dr. Laura. The guy he knew exists, all right–he’s just got a terrible dark side that Schwartz didn’t know about. Not everyone has a dark side that terrible, but everyone does have their dark side, and Anubis doesn’t really weigh our souls on a scale. The evil we do does not get balanced against the good that we do; both the evil and the good are real.

Daniel

12

People can do regretable things that may reflect poorly on their character. Rather… they may lead someone to incorrectly make assumptions of their character. For instance, it is possible for a very upstanding, strong, intelligent, caring person to get drunk one night and get behind the wheel only to hit a pedestrian and kill him. What a truly unfortunate mistake. But it was a mistake. It doesn’t make him a vile monster.
On the other hand, there are certain things which do introduce you to a person’s true character. Things like breaking into a house and raping it’s occupants. Cold blooded, unprovoked murder. Serial killing. Treason or espionage. Child molestation or chronic child abuse. These things are not temporary lapses in judgement. This is not like the guy who made the simple mistake of trying to drive home, only to unintentionally plow into a minivan and get sentenced to life for DUI Manslaughter.
We’re talking about a vile moster who was only temporarily able to mascarade as a respectable adult.
I wouldn’t write someone off simply for making a mistake. I would, however, have no problem accepting that I misjudged someone’s character if I happened to learn they raped and murdered three young Iraqi children in a neighboring village. Such a thing is not a mistake. It’s an inherant character defect, and I’d have no issues with writing him off. I would no longer consider him a friend or even a human.

So, obviously a lot depends on what exactly your battle buddy did. Which is why I tried to get clarification in my first post.
Without getting into details, could you say in what category of misconduct I would probably classify his crime?

13

Had he known about the person’s dark side before meeting him, he would not have befriended him. Had he not befriended him, he would judge this person’s character exactly as the jury did. He would not care how funny the guy can be. He would see a dangerous, disgusting criminal. The guy surely exists. But the only reason he cares right now is because he is empathizing for a person that did not exist-- a person who was both funny and not a dangerous sociopath.
The person existed only in his head, created by a smokescreen of goodtimes, humor and sillyness. Had this guy introduced himself as a child molester, Swartz would never have found him so entertaining. Swartz misses the guy he thought he knew.

Nobody cares how funny Damer was.

14

BTW, I hope I’m not shitting in your thread. You know I’m just trying to share my view with you and help you through what is undoubtably a confusing time.
…Even if the only help I bring is that you solidify your judgements and feelings by justifying them to me.

15

I really don’t want to go into details, but it was not a DUI, it was not a violent crime, and it was not drug related. I’m not sure if I should edit this after I post, but I don’t want the nature of his act to effect the opinions of the posters.

And just for clarification, Bear Nenno, he was not a dangerous sociopath.

Sgt Schwartz

16

If he was tried and convicted of crimes, then you must understand, that he is a criminal. Having been a Section Commander, serving on a military discharge board, as well as having served several Article 15s, you need to understand one thing: the law (military and civil criminal law) do not distinguish your intent, they distinguish your acts–in essence, they don’t judge you by your character, they judge you by your acts. There are no “thought police” in this country, only those who police your actions.

I agree with Bear_Nenno in that people can put on a front, whether intentionally or unintentionally. If this guy committed a “vile act”, to the point that he was convicted by “victim’s and the jury who sentenced him,” then you must understand he is not the guy you thought he was.

Write to him all you want, but I have no sympathy. Being a great guy on the outside is one thing, but having the capacity to go through with certain acts unchecked is a whole other issue.

Tripler
And you’re right. . . a year in Iraq does not a criminal make.

17

Sgt Schwartz,
I’m sure that Bear Nenno has a good deal more experience than I do in a militaristic sense. And, being here in NC, I suppose the case you allude to. You saw your friend fall to worst action as a person, but you still see that person as having worth, with all knowledge of stringent proper conduct, in a system that most values that. That’s not my world at all, but, I hear you wondering beyond that, and having compassion for your fellow soldier.

If the crime was heinous and awful, he will pay the price in his incarceration. If you saw a glimmer of hope in who you saw, I think it would be worthwhile to contact him and encourage him to make use of that time to change. He can sit there and wither, or become a better person. Change is always better. Throwing away the key is a waste, to my mind. The damage is done, punishment due, but why not make a good try at having it be productive?

18

What you’ve shared sounds an awful lot like the mourning process or the stages of grief but because of the circumstances you’re unable to take pleasure in knowing the side of him you knew. Specifically, when someone we care about dies we usually gather together and share anecdotes about that person which help us in the telling as much as it comforts those who are receiving.

I hope this thread addresses some of that need for you and brings you a bit closer to peaceful resolution.

19

Fair enough. But I think if you allowed the nature of his act to effect your opinion, you would not be having as difficult a time with this.
Don’t try to seperate things. He is one person. The totality of his funny jokes and his vile monsterisms is who this person is.

The nature of the crime is crucial in forming an opinion, IMO. But I respect your decision to not disclose anything further. Any judgement I make would have to be on pure speculation, so I will just withhold it entirely. Which means I’m not saying to write him off, but I’m also not gonna say you should send him care packages and letters for the next 16 years just because you thought he was a good person and the whole thing is so tragic for him.
To be honest the first thought in my head was not “he will be so sad and lonely in prison, it’s too bad.”
It was, “what did he do. and who did he do it to”? What will that person be doing for the next 16 years?

But anyway, I was hoping to learn more so I could better understand what you’re going through. But I understand your desire to keep things simple on a public board.
If you need anything at all or just want to talk about this more privately and more in depth, send me an email.
My AKO is bear.nenno

That’s good. We definitely need less of those guys.

20

The “monster” and the “friend” are the same guy. Compartmentalizing them as separate people is an understandable way to try to process the shock of finding out your friend is not (and never was) the person you thought he was. It wasn’t a “part” of him that committed that crime, it was all of him. Don’t forget, there really is a victim here.

You haven’t said what he did, but you’ve called it “vile” and “monstrous” and told us he got a minimum of 16 years for it. You’ve ruled out some things but there are a very few things that would fit those criteria that you haven’t ruled out and if it is what we probably all suspect it is, then he deserves to be defined by his crime and he doesn’t desreve your sympathy or friendship.