How do you know?
Thank you all for your input. It has helped me process the experience. I know it may take me awhile to got over the loss of what I thought was the man I knew. I doubt I will send him care packages. I do want to give him the support that he needs to help him get through the experience.
I did feel like the person I knew died 10 months ago when I heard he was in custody and now it is final. There was always that shred of hope that the charges would be unfounded.
You can speculate on what the crime was all you want, but I will not post it in a public forum. People tend to have biases about some things.
I especially appreciate the input of the Soldiers and Officers on this thread. I am trying to deal with this in a military perspective.
I know I will get over this as will he. I think that what my biggest issue is that we teach people to talk about how they react to a situation. I have to use this board for my catharsis. It is good to know that I have a sounding board on this Board.
Sgt Schwartz
Apologies for your loss, Sgt Schwarz, and I hope it doesn’t sound trite when I say that the fact you are taking it so hard speaks volumes of your loyalty and your own character.
I think an act is monstrous far more often than a human is a monster. (Monsters do exist but they’re extremely rare.) If it is a pathology then there is some hope.
A GQ sort of question asked from ignorance: to be tried by a military court does a crime have to pertain in any way to the military or just to a serviceman?
If I understand your question, no there are crimes that can be charged in the military courts that are also crimes in the civilian courts. In this case, the subject was charged by the military for what would be a crime in the civilian courts.
Sgt Schwartz
There was an NCO recently court martialed for child porn, that might fit the “vile” definition (but the reports I read say he got 15 years, so it’s likely not the same NCO as in the OP).
Buzz, No, but thank you for playing guess the felony.
Sorry, that doesn’t sound very good upon further review, but I would ask that you do not try to guess the charge based upon the information given.
Sgt Schwartz
If you didn’t want people to guess the charge then you shouldn’t have posted a thread giving all kinds of clues and then ruling some things out. I mean this respectfully, but what the hell did you expect?
I also have to respectfully reject your contention that his crime is “nobody’s business but his, the victim’s and the jury who sentenced him.” This bothered me when you wrote it in the OP but I didn’t say anything. His crime is public record and he is not entitled to any privacy about it. That’s not to say that YOU have to tell us what it was, but there is no inherent right of privacy that needs to be respected and if you’re going to refer to something on the public record,then you can’t in the next breath try to say it’s none of our business or ask us not to try to figure out what you’re talking about.
Because sure as shit is brown, someone’s gonna do it, out of spite, if for no other reason.
Sgt Schwartz, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, because he certainly seems lost to you now.
That is never easy.
OK, point taken. I came out a little defensive and I shouldn’t have. Yes, the crime is public record and you can find it if you try. I’ve never been in this situation before and am trying to feel my way through it.
Thank you, EJsGirl.
sorry, I’m lost in thought now.
Sgt Schwartz
Ok, how about this? He’s your friend, you didn’t know about his offence, you didn’t help him in it, he didn’t use you unwittingly in the comission of it, so it’s none of your business.
He’s got some hefty bills to pay, with the Army and his maker, but you’re not God, so you don’t collect on those bills. As far as you’re concerned, he’s still a human being and he’s still your friend. So stick the fuck by him.
This seems to work for thousands of parents of guys in prison.
No problem. Thanks for taking the point. I understand you’re still trying to process things. I get the sense you kind of want to unload some things but a message board probably isn’t the best place to do it, at least not until you’re ready to talk about details. Maybe you should consider some kind of private counselling of your own, or just get together with a buddy you can talk to.
For whatever it’s worth, nothing this guy did was YOUR fault. You’re not a bad person for having been friends with him. It’s not a moral failing on your part that you didn’t know what kind of person he really was, and you’re not a bad person for feeling sympathy for him now.
I disagree with this statement. People are unloading a lot of stuff here, and there’s no particular reason why they should somehow feel obligated to either share every detail or shut up. What the OP said originally was plenty enough for posters to give advices, or say something comforting or whatever else. Sure, the OP shouldn’t have played into their hands by stating “no, it’s not this, no it’s not that”, but posters should have refrained from the guessing game at the first place, especially since the OP mentionned he wasn’t allowed to disclose informations.
Sgt Schwarz, I’m sorry you had to go through this and hope you come out the best. Is there anything you can do for his wife and son? This is something that’s bound to hurt the boy a lot. How old is he, in general terms? (toddler, kid, teen?)
Some of the people here: do you guys think that any woman whose husband has been found guilty of a crime should be handed a divorce automatically while the ex is being handcuffed back? Yes, this guy did something horrible. But there is more to him than that one action, unknot your undies.
A couple of things;
First off, I extend my sympathies. I had a couple of three buddies court-martialed. Not a lot of fun.
On the other hand, they all did nasty things. Wife beating amongst them. Creeped me out. I spent weeks in the field with these guys. “As Hitchcock observed, it is not evil that is so terrifying, it is the banality of evil.” (From The News Hole)
I went up to Leavenworth for the Short Course. They gave us a half day from Bell Hall to visit the USDB, the Long Course. It is as nice and well-run as a prison can be. Individual cells, very good vocational programs. Of course there is that whole “It’s a jail” thing. Still better the USDB than anyplace else.
Finally, gee, the guys that end up there did some nasty stuff. Little tiny problems get handled by discharging the guy. To go to Leavenworth, you have to have done something pretty well bad. After our tour we shot the bull during some slack time. We all agreed, that God those guys are locked up.
To be frank, it sure doesn’t sound like you’ve gotten passed the denial part. I don’t know what he did, but you don’t get sent to the penitentiary for 16 years for a victim-less crime, especially if it’s non-drug related. The reason that I don’t think you are passed the denial part is because you seem to doing as much as you can to minimize the extent of your friend’s crime, and his culpability.
You say that he committed “what could be considered a vile act”, but this is classic weasel language along the lines of “mistakes were made”. You’re a smart man. You know in your heart that what your friend did was bad. Probably very bad. Obviously I don’t know for sure because you haven’t told us, but if you did I am sure we could hammer home the effect of his crime on his victim.
The other key fact is that your friend did this. Not some monster, not a bad part of him. He did it. You also say that this man is not a dangerous sociopath, well, the fact that he is going to jail for 16 years begs to differ.
Just out of curiosity, how is it that he’ll never see his son again?
I noticed this as well–seems to me that pretty much the only reason a man would never see his son again due to being in prison would be if said man had done something nasty to either his son, or another child. Most parents in prison will see their kids somewhere along the line, but getting 16 years for something “non-violent,” that’s also a “vile act,” which is a civil as well as military crime, he has a “victim,” he’s a “monster,” well, something about all of this is fairly screaming “kiddy diddler” to me.
And if that’s the case I can’t really care HOW funny the guy is, or how good a friend, he’s lucky he didn’t get a firing squad, and I foresee his time in prison as being pretty damned un-fun. Short eyes are not well liked by respectable criminals.
Sorry about your buddy there, Sarge, but so far it’s looking like your loyalty might be a tad misplaced.
Not necessarily. He could have done something entirely non-kid related, but bad enough for his wife to divorce him and want nothing to do with him ever again. And since he’s in prison for the next decade and a half, he’s not in a position to share custody with the kid.
here’s a question that may be helpful:
Would your friend ever do his vile deed again after he gets released in 16 years?
If you are unable to say for sure that he would never do it again, then he doesn’t deserve your friendship or your letters for the next decade plus.
If you are sure that he would never do it again, then try to support him.
And it only counts if he will refrain from doing his vile deed again because he genuinely doesn’t want to. If he will only refrain from it because he won’t have the opportunity, then let him rot in jail. (I’m guessing that his deed was sexual, and his son was involved).
Judge him carefully—but honestly. Telling jokes in Iraq was good camraderie, and you like him. But if he has a dark side, be honest enough to admit it to yourself.