“I got rid of the angel. You don’t want to know how.”
“Cry havoc, and let slip… oh.”
“Can somebody help me get this dog-shaped wart off my butt?”
Everybody always cries at the part where he puts the kitten-shaped cookie on his back
What, you didn’t know Master Blaster had a pet?
In the new Pixar version of Dune, Paul Atreides is adorable.
Mein Feline
“Time to put this puppy in Drive and take her for a spin! Where’s the shifter on this thing?”
After careful deliberation (and mild dehydration from laughing), @kaylasdad99 emerges victorious! Batter up, champ!
I’m honored. How’s this?
“I guess today’s special is chili, huh?”
BBW Bertha Butt’s Bathroom
Amazon mixed up my order. Some museum’s Pacific Island exhibit has a pack of Cottonelle labeled as a Rai stone.
Before going on a game show, double check the consolation prizes.
Free UNC diplomas
Billy Bob’s nearly done with the first jumbo roll of TP he bought at 2-for-1 prices after the Johnny Carson Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 1973.
Cornholio would approve!
BREAKING: Taco Tuesday Reaches DEFCON 1.
Taco Bell’s emergency backup roll awaits the Wednesday fallout. Film at 11.
Brought to you by Charmin, Imodium, and the Department of Defense.
The 128-ply roll was both extra soft and extra strong, but the test marketing uncovered problems.
After last year’s disaster, preparations for the annual Phaal Curry Challenge were thorough.
A new executive order requires that classified documents now be formatted to aesthetically align with eventual storage.