ah my family. definately not a role model for everyone else. oh, where to start. from the freaking top, i suppose.
to my dad:
for starters, a nice warm FUCK YOU. why do you still have the illusion i really care about you and you think you have the power? won’t you wake up and smell the shit you spilled all over the floor? sure, i cared about you after you wrecked all of our cars. i cared after your first 4 or 5 times in rehab. i cared when you crashed your body. then it got ridiculous. i can’t take your shit! why the hell do you think we’re leaving your ass on the street, since your too damn lazy to go and find a fucking apartment. donb’t blame us because you can’t give up your booze. if you actually wanted to get better you’d let us send you to another, new rehab. but NO. be a fuckhead. fine. i don’t care anymore. a years enough. why do you think my mom divorced you? and then when i get home from school you give all this shit to do. and you continue to sit there watching the fucking history channel! can you get off your lazy ass now and then and do some of this yourself? it’s not too hard! so fuck you!
and mom:
you’re a good mom and all, but you odn’t seem to understand what i’m going through either. yeah, you know it’s hard as hell to live through the thing with my dad being a drunk, but cut me some slack! i’m allowed to get down and feel depressed now and then! i don’t need you yelling at me and getting pissy on me for my mood. i have enough wrong already, so get the hell off my case. you’re such a lousy turd sometimes.
to my brother:
hey, you’re great, can’t say much bad about you. but you know what i’m going through, could you maybe take me places now and then? i don’t particularly like sitting around at home all the time with dad being a jerkoff fuckhole.
ugh. thanks, i feel better.
(ynh)
(not spell checked)
I’ve been in your situation (or similar… father long dead, mother alcoholic) and I know a small part of what you’re going through. You’re right; it does affect your moods, your self-image, your peace of mind… everything. But you have to remember, you’re not alone in all this. There are others going through similar things.
There’s some really useful information the Alateen website,
and you might want to consider trying an alateen meeting sometime. I hit a few when my mom was in recovery, but since I depended on her for rides, didn’t get to many. I wish I did; what I heard there was exactly what I needed to hear.
Meanwhile, it sounds like you’re doing the right things to get through this. If I can be of any help, please email me. You seem like one of the good guys, and the planet needs all of those it can get.
ok, thanks elenfair and flamsterette_X for the love.
emmy66, that’s rather pointless. in my dad’s case, there’s no point. he stopped listening a long time ago. i don’t need to anger my mom, since i’ll be living with just her soon, and she’s my only ride most of the time and other minor things.
mrvisible, thanks for the link, but i already go there. in fact i’ve got a meeting tonight. and thanks for the support.