Last night my father visited his ex-girlfriend “Heidi”. A drug addict who is in prison serving a 7 month sentence for theft. Which brings to mind the nightmares of what she has done to my household.
She stole thousands of dollars in cash, yet my father refused to press charges. She drove his car around without a license while driving recklessly numerous times. Whenever me or my friends reported her, the police simply impounded the car and gave her a slap on the wrist, while my dad payed the huge impound fee to get the car back.
She totalled three Thunderbirds.
Heidi gets pregnant. The father is of course unknown, and could potentially be her undocumented immigrant husband, or my father, or one of her druggie friends. She steals thousands from the business and disappeared for a month to do drugs.
Heidi reimmerges after the money runs out. She has a baby girl. The infant shows signs of being affected by her drug abuse. The State takes the child away. The girl that could potentially be my baby sister is a ward of the state. If Heidi wanted to get her baby back, she would have to enter drug rehab.
Heidi refuses. My father, who finally found a clue by then, refused to further enable her. She disappears, and finally reimmerges a few months later after being caught in an act of theft, for which she is now serving time.
Why is he re establishing contact with her? All she has ever done is cause him grief. He has turned the other cheek hundreds of times in an effort to help her break free from her cocaine addiction. She will never change, and he needs to stay the fuck away from her forever. He has a new girlfriend now, and although she has her share of flaws, she’s a thousand times better than this Heidi character.
Moderator’s Note: Well, I moved a mis-posted thread from the Pit (to General Questions) just a little while ago, so I suppose this is necessary to preserve some sort of cosmic balance.
That sounds like what my Grandfather did,he screwed around,the whole idea of it literally killed my Naunnyand later when HE died,he left his entire life to that slut and Her HUSBAND, and she was the one who killed him.
I may seem judgemental, but if you’ve have to put up with their antics like I have, you may be more sympathetic. Five years of domestic and financial instability from both parents can make a person very bitter. Now I’m 18 and finally getting to the point where I can get out on my own. Hopefully I can make it, but not without hardship.
I’m sorry if you feel I’m unsympathetic, Blalron. It is hard when the chancey game of life lands us with family who are less than ideal – at least in the eyes of the observer.
I do think, though, that your parents have a right to live their own lives. They are bad parents if they’d abused you, forced you to go cold or hungry through neglect. But, you’ve reached 18 somehow, I see. Well done to all three of you. Someone, somewhere, must have been doing something right.
You appear, by the two threads, to hold up your parents as unfortunate examples. Something you have to “bear”, perhaps, because you are their offspring. My hope is that in your adult life, your opinions are not similarly put when it comes to others who have a lifestyle contrary to your own.
From both your threads, it sounds like getting out into the “real world” and becoming completely independent of your parents (if they give you money, you have no claim to judge them IMHO) would be a really good idea. Rise above it.
Awww Grendel. That’s a little harsh don’t you think?
You don’t remember being a teenager once? That sense of entitlement? The judgementalness of all those older than you? The arrogance? The invunerability?
When I remember being a teenager (been on my own for a whopping 7 years) I hang my head in shame.
Nothing that a swift kick in the pants and a few years without any assistance from Mommy and Daddy can’t fix.
What the hell am I missing? Blalron disagrees with the choices his parents made and he’s blowing off steam about it. I have never known this board to be snotty to someone just because s/he is very young, but some of the responses I’m seeing in in these two threads are close to doing just that. Ooh, how dare he question his parents? Has he no respect? These kids today don’t know how good they got it! Why, in my day we blah blah blah…
Blalron, learn from your parents’ mistakes, and don’t repeat them. Obviously you should treat them with respect, but you have a right to question their decisions, and even to be angry with them if you feel you have a reason, and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Blalron, it sounds like you’re dealing with shit from your parents now, and I would not say, from what you have told us, that it’s unjustified. Good luck in dealing, and in moving on. All my best wishes.
Blalron, take comfort in the fact that most young people, on their own for the first time, will endure hardships. It’s not just a product of your parents’ unfortunate choices–it’s a result, and a step in the process, of becoming independent. My parents were ideal in comparison to what you’ve discussed here, and I still damn near starved in college, paid for it myself, worked 30 hours/week, and took five years to graduate. That’s not, contrary to what you may believe, extraordinary–in fact, I’d guess it’s more the norm than you might think.
When you get to college, take a good, realistic look around. Many, many of your fellow students will be in similar straits as you–having to work part time (or full time), tight finances, general stress and discontent. There will, of course, be some students who drive SUVs and live in condos and never work an hour to pay for their designer duds, and you know what? Many of them will be just as unhappy with their parents as YOU are.
You’ve survived the bad choices your parents made. Now get out there on your own, let go of the anger as much as you can, and focus on getting your own feet on the road. You’ll do fine.
Blalron, at least you have some very good ideas about what you don’t want your life to be like! These lessons can serve you well.
I sometimes vent about one of my parents too and I am a grandmother! Fortunately, my other parent was wonderful and that helped me to keep my persepective. It doesn’t sound like you have had the attention and support that you have needed.
Now that you are 18 and will be able to establish your own independence, I think that you will be just fine!
You really don’t want to take on the burden or trying to change other people’s lives – in this case, your parents. If you can learn this lesson early in life, you will be ahead of the game: ** Don’t try to manage other people’s lives and don’t allow them to manage yours. You can’t change them but you can change how you respond to what they do.**
You know, it’s entirely possible to be both judgemental and correct at the same time. Or do you think the OP should be happy about his father possibly having fathered a child by adultery with an irresponsible drug addict? I think it would be far, far sadder if he didn’t judge such behavior, or accepted it as normal.
Such was the opinion I had on reading both threads and their titles, Eva Luna. I do agree with much of the opinion here that Blalron should move on from whatever lay in the past.
Ok, Balron: Talk to your friendly neighborhood Army/Navy/Air Force/Marine recruiter.
You can enlist after high school, acquire significant financial assistance for college after your hitch in the military is over, and never look back. What your parents do or don’t do won’t control your life.
That’s the route I took out of an unsatisfactory home situation years ago, and I’ve never been sorry for a minute. I have a college education I paid for myself. I suppose if I wanted to I could do mechanic work on airplanes for a living, a trade I learned in the service.
If things aren’t going to suit you, you have the ability to say: “To hell with this, I’ll do it on my own.” And you can!
I just posted in the other thread and I may have sounded a little judgemental… my very best friend, who luckily (for me) is also is my husband has dealt with almost the same situation. Community college is not lesser than a REAL university…If you need to support yourself and want to go to school it is your best choice for your first 2 years, especially if you plan to attend a University in the same state. One thing I can tell you is that it is possible, and if you want it you can get it. On the other hand, you can claim that you never had the chance because of your upbringing…the outcome is for you to decide.
Why shouldn’t the kid bitch and rant about some very bad choices his dad seems to be making? It’s his dad, whom I assume he loves and cares about not some stranger on the street whose life he is sticking his nose into.
Jeeeeeezuz, some of you need to lighten the fuck up, eh? No wonder this board is starting to get the reputation for being full of holier than thou, my shit don’t stink, assholes.