That’s a spoon.
I see you’ve played knifey spooney before!
No, it’s a dessert topping. 
Finally, a swiss army knife that requires both hands to operate and obscures everything it’s operating on!
But I bet absolutely no one will fuck with you if you pull it on them – as long as they’re willing to wait for you to extend all of the attachments.
No, it’s a floor polish!
No, it’s a symptom of a deeper disorder.
Deeper disorder or not…I want one!
and a fork and a screwdriver and pliers and a magnifying glass and a laser pointer and an awl and a corkscrew and a cigar cutter and a nail clipper and a…
I’ve never even owned a multi-tool/leatherman. For me, a knife is a knife, been carrying one all my life.
But it would be great fun to pull that thing out on a camping trip.
They’ll be laughing too hard to fuck with you 
There is no spoon.
The Tick would be sorely disappointed.