A Letter To The Catholic Church's clergy

Fasten your seat belts.

It would appear that gay marriages in Canada will soon be formally legalized by Parliament. This is due to a court ruling stating that the previous marriage law was unconstitutional on the grounds that it was illegally discriminatory. Makes sense to me, but IANAL.

The Roman Catholic Church - my Church, in which I was baptized, confirmed, and educated - opposes gay marriage. That is their constitutional and human right to do so. People can think what they please, and that’s the way I like it. I don’t agree with the Church but that’s fine too.

But the Catholic Church’s approach here… well, recently, a Canadian bishop sent a letter to our Prime Minister, stating that he was putting his immortal soul at risk by abiding by the Supreme Court’s decision. Then just about every Catholic church in the country had their priests say the same thing at Sunday mass (some did not, and I applaud them) and to repeat the mantra that marriage is between a man and a woman. So here is my message to my former Church:

You stupid, mealy-mouthed, cowardly, smegma-slurping sheeple. Why don’t you take your hare-brained, illogical, idiotic and cum-addled idiocy and jam it right back up the big fat ass you obviously shit it out of?

I will pause only briefly here to mention that supporting the legality of something is not the same as supporting the action. Jeam Chretien is planning to make gay marriages legal; he is not actually shacking up with Brian Tobin and blowing Svend Robinson, although I’d happily buy the Webcasting rights. He’s doing his job and following the law, which, you might want to notice, isn’t the fucking Catholic catechism. It is also the position of the Church that not going to Mass is a sin; do you goddamn dumbfucks think all Canadians should be forced to attend Catholic Mass? It’s the Church’s position that living together before marriage is a sin; should RCMP agents raid anyone living together and arrest them? No? So what the fuck are you talking about, you idiots?

And you know what? Anyone can think whatever they want and that’s all well and good, but don’t you fucking lecture me on what marriage is, you prattling cockhats. YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW, because NONE OF YOU IDIOTS ARE FUCKING MARRIED! You are the least qualified people on the face of earth to tell me what marriage is or isn’t. I’m married. My parents are married. My friends are married. You aren’t. If you want to know about marriage, YOU should be asking US. My grandparents, who have no problems with gays getting married, have been married sixty years this August; that gives them more firsthand understanding of what marriage is that all the priests in Canada combined. So did you call them up and ask them the expert opinion? No. And you know why? Because you’re a pack of fucking self-important imbeciles.

And according to the Church, gay marriage is a perversion and violates “natural law.” Gosh, because the priests wouldn’t know anything about perverted sex, now, would they? Now, if the subject at hand was fucking 10-year-old altar boys in the ass, driving them to mental anguish and suicide, and then lying to cover it up, I would certainly consider the Church’s blatherings to constitute the expert opinion on the matter, but it’s not. Unfortunately, here we are discussing consenting adults doing what they will in the privacy of their homes, not bending some helpless child over the furniture.

So, Your Holiness and all your minions, go ahead and vent, because it’s your Constitutional right to be a hypocritical two-faced fucknose, but I think I’ll prefer to listen to a source who actually has some fucking inkling of what a marriage is.

As a matter of fact, while we’re on the subject of the Church meddling in Canadian politics, would someone mind telling me when the Church has ever been right about anything? Okay, capital punishment, I agree with them on that. Score one point. But just how long did the Church keep Quebec a backwards, fearful society, and how far has Quebec come since they said “well, fuck this shit” in the 60’s? How good a job has the Church does running schools? Didn’t the Church oppose women’s suffrage? How long did the church teach kids that Jews were dirty and evil and that they couldn’t play with Protestant children? How many little kids have our fine clergy abused? Ten thousand? More? Guilty on all counts, Your Honor.

So in conclusion: You fucktards are so completely out in left field on this issue that you aren’t even in left field anymore. You have actually walked through the outfield, dropped your glove and your cap, climbed over the left field fence, walked up the bleacher steps, out the passage into the mezzanine, past the food and souvenir vendors, down the exit ramps, out the doors, off the stadium grounds, caught a cab and taken it all the way to Clueless Junction. You don’t understand the law, your position on this as opposed to other secular matters is totally hypocritical, your’re sitting in place of God to judge others, you’re fearmongering, you’re ignorant of the matters you profess to understand, you’re intolerant and unloving, and you’re fucking stupid. Fuck you. It heartens me to know that it seems the great majority of Catholic LAYPEOPLE aren’t really listening to you. Your own flock knows more than you do. But although I am thrilled that Canadian Catholics are not all following your party line, I can no longer count myself among them because I won’t be associated with your evil bullshit. I used to call myself a Catholic; that day has ended.

Its nice to see another arrogant asshat who throws away thousands of years of study and thought to appease popular opinion.

Is celibacy a violation of “natural law,” too? It would seem so.

Band name!

The church is no friend of mine. I agree with the OP.

It’s my belief that the church has had nothing but its own best interest at heart for centuries. Oppressing the minds of the masses with the fear of eternal damnation to ensure they hold sway is not the work of a God that I would pray to.


Great rant ! It really needed to be said. Are you going to mail it to the fuckwads who are filling our newspapers with this shit? I’ll sign on if you want me to.

The most entertaining thing about this debate (if you can call it ‘entertaining’) is that it’s a done deal. It has been declared unconstitutional to define marriage as “a man and a woman.” Signed, sealed, delivered. All they’re doing now is trying to write a new law to replace the old one. If this one doesn’t pass, guess what, Bishop Henry, they’ll write another one. And if the fear of eternal damnation stops that one getting passed, hey, they’ll write ANOTHER one ! See how it works? You clergy and you conservative MPs and you God-fearing constituents can try to pass whatever law you want - making it illegal to buy ice cream or get divorced, making it legal to marry your daughter - but if it’s unconstitutional it will get tossed. That’s how it works.


psst…you probably meant Gentile here. I doubt the Catholic church spent much time worrying about us Protestant children.


Correct me if I’m wrong… not being Catholic and all… but doesn’t the church believe that one can only be truly married if it is before God and the Church. Isn’t the civil ceremony not seen as true marraige? If that is the case this little stink suddenly elevate the civil to the same level of importance as the religous. Morons they are.

The Vatican has tipped hits hands into politics on many occasions… Abortion for example. Each and every time they ranted threatened eternal damnation and I believe in one case excommunication (Can’t find the cite… will continue to look) and still legilastion went through. Luckily our Prime Minister and future Prime Minister (Both Catholics) see this issue as a rights issue not a religious one.

oh and by the way

huh? What study are you refering too?

In Ireland, priests face jail time if they distribute the Vatican’s nasty little screed.

I don’t agree with the idea of jailing priests for this but it’s nice to see another government willing to call a spade a spade.

Otto, I agree that it is a stretch. I doubt they could actually convict if it went to court, but I have to applaud the Irish for having the guts to put their foot down and say “the law’s the law.”

No, he probably means Protestant. I specifically remember stories my mother told about the nuns telling her not to associate with “Prods”.

Brovo! Excellent rant RickJay and I fully agree even though I’m an athiest and couldn’t really care about church either way.

Although I have mixed feelings about our PM when I learned that, although a Catholic, he wouldn’t allow relgion to “rule” Canada I’m back in the Liberal camp unless they screw up some more :smiley:

Brovo! Excellent rant RickJay and I fully agree even though I’m an athiest and couldn’t really care about church either way.

Although I have mixed feelings about our PM when I learned that, although a Catholic, he wouldn’t allow relgion to “rule” Canada I’m back in the Liberal camp unless they screw up some more :smiley:

Brovo! Excellent rant RickJay and I fully agree even though I’m an athiest and couldn’t really care about church either way.

Although I have mixed feelings about our PM when I learned that, although a Catholic, he wouldn’t allow relgion to “rule” Canada I’m back in the Liberal camp unless they screw up some more :smiley:

No, sir. I wrote Protestant and that’s what I meant. When my parents were kids they were taught not only that Jews were dirty and untrustworthy, but they were also taught that Protestants were bad and that they shouldn’t play with them. Welcome to Ontario, circa 1953-1965. (Not that my parents believe such rot, I hasten to point out.)

I hate hamsters.

That’s one way of looking at it. If the American government tried that tactic I suspect it would properly be considered an unconstitutional violation of the separation of church and state in nothing flat. I have no idea how our friends in “Canuckistan” would consider it.

That’s beautiful…fucking poetry, man. :smiley:

Not even close. We have an organization that is directly threatening members of parliament with eternal suffering for voting for a piece of legislation. RickJay specifically made it clear that the church can opt not to accept gay marriage but it has no role in dictating terms to the government.

RickJay’s comments about Catholic warning and such regarding Protestants is in accord with what I remember hearing … not so much warnings against them per se but lots of the older (by this I mean my father’s generation and older) people remembered them.

There was a comic strip … maybe it was Non Sequitur … that went something like this:

Guy 1 brings home Guy 2 to his mother. It’s implied that they’re gay. Rather than taking issue with the homosexual aspect (this was back in the early 90s, I think … my grandfather was still alive and healthy, and he got sick in '94 or so), his mother said something like “Now Johnny … everything else is okay, but did you have to bring home a Protestant?” Badly paraphrased, of course, but the point was that someone would care more about someone being Protestant than the obvious[sup]1[/sup] issue, which was homosexuality.
[sup]1[/sup]Early 90s, it was more of an issue.