Fasten your seat belts.
It would appear that gay marriages in Canada will soon be formally legalized by Parliament. This is due to a court ruling stating that the previous marriage law was unconstitutional on the grounds that it was illegally discriminatory. Makes sense to me, but IANAL.
The Roman Catholic Church - my Church, in which I was baptized, confirmed, and educated - opposes gay marriage. That is their constitutional and human right to do so. People can think what they please, and that’s the way I like it. I don’t agree with the Church but that’s fine too.
But the Catholic Church’s approach here… well, recently, a Canadian bishop sent a letter to our Prime Minister, stating that he was putting his immortal soul at risk by abiding by the Supreme Court’s decision. Then just about every Catholic church in the country had their priests say the same thing at Sunday mass (some did not, and I applaud them) and to repeat the mantra that marriage is between a man and a woman. So here is my message to my former Church:
You stupid, mealy-mouthed, cowardly, smegma-slurping sheeple. Why don’t you take your hare-brained, illogical, idiotic and cum-addled idiocy and jam it right back up the big fat ass you obviously shit it out of?
I will pause only briefly here to mention that supporting the legality of something is not the same as supporting the action. Jeam Chretien is planning to make gay marriages legal; he is not actually shacking up with Brian Tobin and blowing Svend Robinson, although I’d happily buy the Webcasting rights. He’s doing his job and following the law, which, you might want to notice, isn’t the fucking Catholic catechism. It is also the position of the Church that not going to Mass is a sin; do you goddamn dumbfucks think all Canadians should be forced to attend Catholic Mass? It’s the Church’s position that living together before marriage is a sin; should RCMP agents raid anyone living together and arrest them? No? So what the fuck are you talking about, you idiots?
And you know what? Anyone can think whatever they want and that’s all well and good, but don’t you fucking lecture me on what marriage is, you prattling cockhats. YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW, because NONE OF YOU IDIOTS ARE FUCKING MARRIED! You are the least qualified people on the face of earth to tell me what marriage is or isn’t. I’m married. My parents are married. My friends are married. You aren’t. If you want to know about marriage, YOU should be asking US. My grandparents, who have no problems with gays getting married, have been married sixty years this August; that gives them more firsthand understanding of what marriage is that all the priests in Canada combined. So did you call them up and ask them the expert opinion? No. And you know why? Because you’re a pack of fucking self-important imbeciles.
And according to the Church, gay marriage is a perversion and violates “natural law.” Gosh, because the priests wouldn’t know anything about perverted sex, now, would they? Now, if the subject at hand was fucking 10-year-old altar boys in the ass, driving them to mental anguish and suicide, and then lying to cover it up, I would certainly consider the Church’s blatherings to constitute the expert opinion on the matter, but it’s not. Unfortunately, here we are discussing consenting adults doing what they will in the privacy of their homes, not bending some helpless child over the furniture.
So, Your Holiness and all your minions, go ahead and vent, because it’s your Constitutional right to be a hypocritical two-faced fucknose, but I think I’ll prefer to listen to a source who actually has some fucking inkling of what a marriage is.
As a matter of fact, while we’re on the subject of the Church meddling in Canadian politics, would someone mind telling me when the Church has ever been right about anything? Okay, capital punishment, I agree with them on that. Score one point. But just how long did the Church keep Quebec a backwards, fearful society, and how far has Quebec come since they said “well, fuck this shit” in the 60’s? How good a job has the Church does running schools? Didn’t the Church oppose women’s suffrage? How long did the church teach kids that Jews were dirty and evil and that they couldn’t play with Protestant children? How many little kids have our fine clergy abused? Ten thousand? More? Guilty on all counts, Your Honor.
So in conclusion: You fucktards are so completely out in left field on this issue that you aren’t even in left field anymore. You have actually walked through the outfield, dropped your glove and your cap, climbed over the left field fence, walked up the bleacher steps, out the passage into the mezzanine, past the food and souvenir vendors, down the exit ramps, out the doors, off the stadium grounds, caught a cab and taken it all the way to Clueless Junction. You don’t understand the law, your position on this as opposed to other secular matters is totally hypocritical, your’re sitting in place of God to judge others, you’re fearmongering, you’re ignorant of the matters you profess to understand, you’re intolerant and unloving, and you’re fucking stupid. Fuck you. It heartens me to know that it seems the great majority of Catholic LAYPEOPLE aren’t really listening to you. Your own flock knows more than you do. But although I am thrilled that Canadian Catholics are not all following your party line, I can no longer count myself among them because I won’t be associated with your evil bullshit. I used to call myself a Catholic; that day has ended.