A list of all the stuff that's been burgled from my home

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Over the last couple of weeks our home has obviously been repeatedly burgled.

Here’s a list of the stuff I know is missing:

[ul]
[li]A jar of salsa from the bottom cupboard where I keep all the chicken stock, mayo, beans, etc waiting to be opened and used[/li][li]A yellow jewelry cleaning cloth I hadn’t even used yet[/li][li]2 Oyster cards I wanted to use again on our upcoming London visit[/li][li]The first half of a roll of paper towels[/li][li]The fresh batteries in the TV remote - they were clever on this one and swapped in identical-looking dead batteries[/li][li]A $5 bill[/li][li]Most of a sheet of stamps[/li][li]A 1oz jar of ground cardamom[/li][/ul]

Weirdest crime wave, ever*

Have you been experiencing similar losses?

*No not really. If someone broke in to steal this stuff they’d be the weirdest burglars ever

2

You know, I kind of find it just as weird that someone would steal all this stuff as how you could lose all of these things in the last couple of weeks :stuck_out_tongue:

3

Burglars? Really???
Except for the salsa, everything else points to the hobgoblins living in the basement! Taking the salsa was probably just their attempt to throw you off of their trail.

4

They probably invited the local chupacabras over for a playoff party.

5

So, should I be stocking up on chips & salsa before the superbowl so that they have something to steal? I prefer to anger neither the hobgoblins nor the chupacabras.

6

Let’s see…

The car key gnomes knocked a jar of salsa off the shelf. It broke, and they went through half a roll of paper towels cleaning it up. They then used the polishing cloth to get that linoleum back to a nice, gleamy shine. Part of the cleaning process involved using a portable fan to dry things out, but they ran the 4 batteries dry and swapped out a fresh pair and the pair from the remote (cost: $2.75; they pocketed the other $2.25, the little thieves) and put the remaining two dead ones into the remote. They then mailed the oyster cards and the extra stamps to some fellow gnomes in London and took off to bake some cardamom muffins.

7

I dunno 'bout the batteries. …
But from everthing else on your list, it is pretty obvious that :

You have a cat. :slight_smile:

(check under the couch–that’s where kitties keep their stuff)

8

I do have a cat!

But I really like Ethilrist’s explanation

9

I got burgled last month as well. They mostly took the beer and the gin. They got two DS3s and my favorite multi-tool as well. The most expensive thing I’m missing now is the $30/month that is going to the alarm company now.

10

What’s an Oyster card?

11

Other oysters that don’t look 21.

12

Damn you! Cherry Coke Zero just came out my nose and splattered my gate crossing records, which I’ll now have to re-do.

13

Clearly my puppy has paid you a visit. His modus operandi is to steal anything he can lay his jaws on and hide it under an evergreen shrub in my back yard. I’ll go see if I can find your stuff. :wink:

14

I believe you have been colonized by Arietty Clock’s descendants. Or didn’t you ever read “The Borrowers”?

15

Ehh call me when you find a burglar who can steal only the second half of a roll of paper towels, then you’ve really got something.

16

Let me know if you find my favorite key chain that was tragically stolen in 2002.

17

Did they hit your place after mine?

18

Oh no. We have a copy of that book in the guest room. That could be the source of the problem.

19

Do you have kids who are bringing their friends over? I remember we had a run of silly thefts when my daughter was about 9 or 10. We decided it was a particular little girlfriend of hers. Never knew for sure, but when she had a fight and the girl no longer came over the stuff stopped disappearing. I’d check that out.

20

Maybe the underpants gnomes have finally diversified.