I’ve been talking to some people over the internet for over a year now. I work in an internet café so to kill time I started chatting to people in a particular chatroom. Next thing I know, I know some of these people better than my friends and am planning to visit two of them.
Anyways … I really really really really like one of the women I’m going to visit. I’d say more than like only I’ve never met her before so it doesn’t seem right. I’ve been talking to her longer than anyone else online. Over the last few months I’ve started to look at her in a different way. I’ve never told her anything about this.
She tells me everything. She’s told me things about herself that she hasn’t even told her best friend IRL. We really enjoy talking to one-another (otherwise we’d never even think of meeting). But she tells me all about her love-life too. She hasn’t been in a relationship in a very long time. She’s a single mom with a 3yo. But recently she’s been telling me about a guy who has a crush on her and who she likes too and how she’s gonna take it slow with him and stuff. I think this guy is wrong for her (I may be a tad biased) coz he’s 20 years older than her (she’s 19). But I can’t say ‘No no! Don’t do that … coz … eh … I like you’. Instead I say ‘Do what you really want to do. Whatever makes you happy’ etc. And all this makes me feel like shit … which is selfish of me seeing as she has no idea how I feel.
So, I’m going to be there with her in 3 weeks time when she could be in the beginnings of a relationship with someone else while I smile and say ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘yes, she is great. You’re a lucky man’.
Now, I really will enjoy meeting her either way. We’ve been talking for long enough to know that. But I just want to see what other’s think about the situation and if there is any advice to be given coz I generally suck in situations like this. If I’ve left some glaring piece of information out just ask.
Bottom line…are you happy to just be her friend? Otherwise, speak up and let her know how you feel. Having been in a similar situation where I gave dating advice to some one I REALLY liked, eventually it all came out and we even dated a bit as a result (note: your actual mileage may vary).
But in the end, it’s always the same…you have to speak up for what you want. If you are truly interested in her, then now’s the time to let her know. Otherwise, you’ll keep kicking yourself in the ass for not saying anything.
And based on what you’ve written here, she could very likely feel the same way about you!
I know only too well how fake some people can be online. We both spoke to this other girl for months. She was damned funny and pretty too. Then we figured out she had sent us a fake pic and when we asked her about it she just stopped coming into the chatroom.
But after a year of talking to her I think I know her very well. You can’t talk to someone that long and not get to know them. I know it won’t be exactly like it is online but it won’t be vastly different.
rundogrun… I would have spoken up about it before only for fear of being shot down and she’s told me how she has a nasty habit of running from relationships before they begin or ruining chances of one beforehand.
I had my heart broke over an internet romance, though many friends laughed about it (and still do) as saying it isn’t “real.” :rolleyes:
I think internet romances can be far more intense and deep than a corresponding IRL romance, at least given the same time frame, because of the style of interaction that occurs. It is purely mental, and whether or not you “really” get to know who the person is, you really get to know somebody, and that somebody is very real and possibly very dear.
I was particularly excited because of the importance I place on not being overly concerned about superficial appearence, and she agreed quite a bit.
So, I saw her IRL after a four hour drive, and never regretted a second of the trip. In fact, I didn’t regret it so much that I went back again.
She tells me now (we still IM) that I was always a strong choice for a mate, and she still thinks about it sometimes, but the simple fact was she was already pretty involved with another person. She moved from MI to AZ and married him, she has a cute little baby now, and she is seemingly satisfied (even if not particularly “jumping up and down” happy).
But, I still sit here with a broken heart. I have yet to meet another like her. In fact, I’m not even trying.
BUT as other posters mentioned there are other reasons to be careful. I just thought I’d give my take… if you are committed to your feelings about other people, you can get hurt pretty easy in any situation, internet or not.
You really should say that. And if she’s interested, set the context for your meeting as a date. If you meet and it doesn’t work right, well that’s just life. If you knew her in real life and she asked you about going out with some other guy, I’d offer the same advice.