I do my job. Work comes in, and I do it without complaint, pretty much because I like doing what I do.
On rare occasion I’ll be talking to a client about the work I’m doing for them and I’ll realize that whether or not the client realizes it, we’re really not meeting their needs. At that point, I’m faced with two choices: Tell them that everything is fine and keep giving them half-assed service, or tell them that the product line they’ve bought isn’t what they need, that they really need our Product XYZ (explaining the reasons why), and that I’d be happy to put them in touch with sales.
So to this point, I’m the one who as done all the work – both in convincing the client that they’d be better served with an upgraded (and, of course, pricier) product, and also in doing the actual “my job” part of the work.
So then, here’s a clue for you, Ms. Commission-Based Sales Rep who had to do nothing except quote a price and say “sign here”: When you call me for an update on the work, do not laughingly say “Well, we need this done right away, 'cause there’s a fat bonus in it for me when it’s done – I gots to get paid, hahaha!”
You fucking insipid little twatwattle…you’re thinking that, what, calling me up and laughing to me that you’ll get a bonus based on my performance is going to inspire me to get the job done quicker? Are you fucking insane? Did that move to the L.A. office come with an all-you-can-snort coke bar, and the shit has eaten the part of your brain that lets you determine who you can effectively fuck with? Because let me tell you, I have enough work lined up to keep me busy for weeks. I have full reign to determine which jobs gets priority over which, and I have no fucking problem burying your precious bonus underneath a month’s worth of unassigned indexing projects. These guys will be looking at you and going “Damn…that project is taking a long fricking time to finish” before you ever see one byte of project data from me if you ever pull that shit again…
Does your company have no procedure whereby you can get a cut of the sales commission if it’s you who sells the client a new or upgraded product?
I guess there might be some problems with such a system, because it might encourage the support staff to neglect their support role and turn into salespeople.
It’s been discussed, but being a small part of a huge company that was recently purchased by a mammoth company tends to slow these things down.
Now that I think about it, the sales reps that occasionally send over “Thanks for all your hard work!” packages with crap from our client companies never seem to get their projects bumped. Funny thing, that…
Ironic that a Sales Rep #1 skill is suppose to be “people skills”. I guess she missed that part.
One thing I like about my current job is that all of the sales force is pleasant and friendly. I had one job where 3 of the salespeople were pushy jerks that tried to treat the limited IT staff like shit. Considering the IT staff consisted of me, it is a wonder, they never caught on to the fact that no matter how much they bitched, their stuff got dome slower than the salespeople who treated co-workers with respect.
Try to find a way to keep her dangling if it does not impact the customer. Just remember, it is not the customer’s fault that the salesperson is a jerk.
They’re all equipped with them out here, even the cubicles. Don’t ask me why; I don’t even snort coke (I prefer the Dry Erase markers), and yet the janitor comes by everyday and refreshes the bowl. It’s just a SoCal thing, I guess.
Some of the most obnoxious, socially challenged people I’ve known were in sales. I think it helps to be a bit of a sociopath, really, to be good in commission sales, although you clearly need to know how to fake sincerity with customers. With coworkers, though, the true schizoid emerges. Fortunately, they’ll be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes, along with the brand management people and “smooth jazz/adult contemporary” musicians.
Damn, I can never keep track of who will be up against the wall when the revolution comes. I still thought it was the Marketing Division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation and by corollary, all others in marketing.
Let’s just say that there’s going to be a lot of blood spilled on the first few days of La Revolución, and a good portion of it will be staining the white collars of those bastards who take three hour martini lunches on extravagant expense accounts. Also goes the people who invent new and increasingly bizarre sweetened cocktails every couple of months just to make a barman’s life one of misery and confusion. When the revolution comes, those of us still standing are going to be drinking whiskey, neat.
I like to pass the time at work thinking about the revolution. I don’t actually get anywhere further toward planning the revolution beyond repeated watchings of La Battaglia di Algeri, and in fact I hate gatherings of the sort of fanatical and noisome people who generally participate in revolutions, but it does help me release pent up frustration while I waste away my life and intellect at a dead end corporate job.
Viva La Revolución! Down with the imperialist pigs/fascist bastards/malevolent Commies/Saxon tóraís/G8 powers/whomever!
I’ve worked with a sales person that would say “You wouldn’t get paid if it wasn’t for me.” I’m thinking it’s hard to make a commission on something that you don’t have, so your the one that can lick my ass bitch.
I sometimes put ice in my bourbon. But never in scotch! That definitely warrants being lined up against a wall and shot to rags.
Don’t wait. Start the foot-dragging now. I rarely hesitate to procrastinate projects requested by people who piss me off. My favorite thing to tell jerky co-workers is, “You know, I’m not doing this for me.” That often corrects their disposition.
Amen, brother. I get reminded by our main sales guy that he gets commissions on new contracts and that I don’t at every. possible. turn…usually in the same breath as his tacit admissions that I do most of the work to secure the relationships. The setup of our compensation system is galling enough…I don’t need to have it rubbed in my face.
Oh, that’s okay; you can put ice in bourbon, or even in cheaper Scotchs; I won’t even drink Johnny Walker Black without ice. But don’t put Irish whiskey or a top shelf single malt Scotch on ice.
You’re an okay guy, and I’ll make sure that you’re not on the list.
Can I add the accounting department’s vote for putting sales up against the wall, too? I hate all those bastards, with their big salaries, big fancy offices and short work weeks (how many accounting clerks can you fit in a single saleperson-sized office? About four, usually). Accounting isn’t a revenue-generating department? How many commission cheques are you going to cut when the company goes into receivership because accounting went on strike and stopped invoicing customers, depositing their cheques, and paying for products we need to conduct business? Not too damned many, let me assure you!
And you know what, salespeople? I know you don’t like paperwork (more like they’re freakin’ allergic to it), but every job has some paperwork, and you just freakin’ have to DO it. Accounting bends over backwards for you lazy bunch of assholes all the time, but there comes a time when there is paperwork that simply has to be done by sales - JUST DO IT!!!1!! Putting it in a pile on your desk and hoping that it will magically not become an issue if you leave it long enough never, ever works. Unless the company goes into receivership because accounting can’t do their jobs because you won’t do yours.
Jeeze, thanks, Hal. I didn’t even know I had all that bottled up in me.
Yeah-I had a fuckstick of a sales guy say that, and he had no answer when I asked him who, exactly, builds, installs and services the product you sell?
Apparently, the shlubs in Iowa or Sweden building stuff, and the local installation/service and support staff had zero contribution towards the Big Picture™.
After a while, it became a contest to see if I could go five days without telling him to go fuck himself. I rarely succeeded.
Like it matters to the sales guy. All that concerns him is Making The Deal. Once he’s paid, he can move on to the next fish without looking back.
Thankfully we’ve got a relatively intelligent dude in our sales department who understands Operation’s capacity and ability. He’s the buffer between us and the crazy sales guys who promise new customers the moon just to get them to sign.
Whenever our salesguys are in town, they tend to take us engineering folks out for dinner and drinks. I’ve also gotten a (small) gift or two from a salesguy when I did work that helped make a deal go through. Maybe you just need to work with a higher class of salesman?
I suppose there is no chance that she was just attempting humor with a mild short-circuit in her delivery and not that she was really trying to bust your chops?
We have one moderately competent salesman: he knows enough of the technical end of things that he can honestly explain everything out. He’s honest with the customers, even. But he only halfway does his job, expecting billing to pick up the slack for him – canceling duplicate accounts and crediting the new ones, for example, without actually being told about the upgrades in the first place. And then we have this neverending string of socially-inept assholes who never bother to learn their job, just sell things to people and collect commission until they can’t slide by on their incompetence anymore.
I suggest to my manager weekly that we go on strike. Sometimes she seems to seriously consider it.
But never in scotch! That definitely warrants being lined up against a wall and shot to rags.
