Our condolences are offered to MizTina; we regret the loss of a loved one.
My Darling Marcie and I have decided and have made our wishes known; we wish to be cremated immediately after death without such formalities as embalming. Nor do we want to be cremated in a coffin; the cardboard box that is used for indigents will serve us nicely. Our ashes are to be scattered in the Gulf of Mexico, if we are still in Florida, or in whatever body of water is closest it we are not. We do not want a service of any kind, nor do we want to be prayed over; if we are remembered at all, we hope we are remembered as decent people.
I think I’ll leave instructions for my preferences, but they’re pretty… uh… progressive. I’d want to have a totally green burial, no embalming, just me in a biodegradable … box? sack? I dunno… under a tree somewhere. No religious anything. Memorial and a party. No headstone.
Cremation in a cardboard box, if local laws don’t allow my preference.
But, I also realize that the full-tilt ceremony helps some people grieve, and I agree that funerals are for the living. So, I’d leave money to my executor and tell them that if my plan is disagreeable or not helpful to do what they feel they need to do. Enough for a bare bones (ha!) casket if they must. What do I care? I’m dead!
My Grandfather’s funeral was conducted by a minister and had some religious stuff which I can’t imagine he’d have been into - but the family chose a minister rather than a celebrant because he was about $50 cheaper, and I know Grandfather would have approved of that!
If a minister conducts my funeral and talks religion, it would be pretty strange because I’m quite an athy atheist but somehow I just can’t imagine that I’ll care. Funerals are for the people left behind.
Yep. Was at a funeral last week and there was lots of talk about my uncle going on to a better place. This made me as an agnostic a tad uncomfortable, but as my uncle and his widow are devout Catholics, my heretic views mattered not one whit - as long as my aunt was comforted. But it did get me to thinking - again - about my own funeral. I know my folks would want a Catholic one, and it would maybe be quite hard on my dad especially if it was a non religious service, but, as olives says, I’m sure that hearing how I’m now in the arms of Jesus would make my friends feel quite sad as they know I don’t believe that. A party all the way, no-one in black (but not jeans either, I’ve died ffs, get the fuck dressed up), and a speech read out from me complaining at the fact that I’m not even at my own pissup.
I do seriously want to record somewhere what I want done for my funeral - was almost killed in a traffic accident aged 18 so it’s something I’ve thought about - but what do I do with it then? I’m not religious so can’t give it to a priest, and anyway I live in a different diocese to my parents. I know there’s a website but my folks literally can’t/don’t/won’t use the net - what else? Am I going to have to have one of those envelopdes sitting solemnly on my desk inscribed ‘To Be Opened In the Event of My Death’?
Sorry for your loss, MizTina. I think it’s great that you’ve let one of your kids know of your wishes.
Over 200 people showed at my father’s memorial service which we had wanted to be small. But it was announced in the papers and it turned out that lots of people liked him and wanted to pay their respects.
The service was held late in the morning on a weekday. There were several people wearing jeans, etc. Most of those were blue collar types who left work to attend the service and went back to work directly from the service. I thought it was really great and sweet and nice that they went out of their way to attend – although the last thing I wanted to do that day was stand in a 2 hour receving line–and I wouldn’t have wanted them to skip it because they didn’t think their work clothes would be appropriate.
We recently had a memorial service for my mother, who didn’t leave much in the way of funeral/memorial instructions beyond “I want to be cremated”, so we had it at the house of a family friend who’s been the “traditional” party house for all sorts of events. We forgot about hiring a minister, and, as most of the family said, “we’re not churchy people anyway, and neither was Mom”, so nobody seemed to miss that part. A couple of family friends and my SO got up to speak about my mother, and there was the usual buffet of food, drink and alcohol on hand. People congregated at different tables, mingled with each other, talking about how they knew my mother, and eventually I got a break from being social to get some food. Although the atmosphere was casual, most people were dressed up somewhere between “khakis and a nice shirt” and “dark suit” attire, which was perfectly acceptable on either end.
When we bury her this summer, it’s probably going to be different, as there will more than likely be an insistence that we have a service in the same church where she was married, and her ashes will actually be going somewhere permanent; it’s going to be a different atmosphere, but still one where people get together and eat, drink, and talk jovially about the memories that we had with her.
