There’s lots of 'em.
Here’s a couple of my favorites:
A rabbi, a polish guy, a blonde and a lesbian walk into a bar. The bartender says. “Whaat is this? Some kind of joke?”
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says “Why the long face?”
So, obviously I’m bored here at work. Let’s hear some more.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey! We have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”
::snicker, snort::
Zette
Man walks into a bar. He says “Ouch!”
Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender says to him “Would you like something to drink?” He looks back and says, “Hmm, I think not.”
And everything disappears.
Guy walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him and says:
“For 300 dollars I’ll do anything you can describe in 3 words or less”
The guys thinks for a moment and says:
“Paint my house”
A kerryman walks into a bar with a duck on his head.
“Where did you pick him up”? The bartender says.
“I won him in a raffle” says the duck.
A termite walks into a bar and asks…
“Is the bartender here?”
(Stupid kid’s joke – couldn’t resist.)
A three-legged dog walks into a bar. He looks around slowly at all the patrons, shakes his head, opens the door to the men’s room, shakes his head, limps over to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender asks “What’s that yer lookin’ for, partner?”
The dog says “I’m just looking for the man that shot my paw…”
Lucretia Borgia walks into a bar.
Barkeep sez: What’s your poison?
A guy walks into a bar and sees this pretty woman so he tries to start a chat with her and she shouts at the top of her lungs, “No, I will not sleep with you!” So he gets really embarrassed and he sits somewhere else. Then, the woman goes to him and says sorry, that she had a project that had to do with getting people embarrassed so the guys shouts at the top of his lungs, "No, I will not take even 20 bucks!
A man walked into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks at him and says: “You can stay, just don’t start anything.”
I heard this one as Celine Dion walks into a bar. . .
Man walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey jumps onto the bar and starts eating everything. He eats the bowl of pretzels. he eats the marachico cherries. He jumps onto the pool tabe and eats a billiard ball.
The bartender sez, “Hey what’s going on?”
Man sez, “Oh, he just eats everything he sees. Don’t worry, I have the money. I’ll make good on everything.”
Bartender sez, “Hmmm … ok.”
Two weeks later the man and the monkey come in again. This time the monkey takes the bowl of marachico cherries, sticks one up his butt, then eats it.
Bartender sez, “Oh, geez, what’s he doing now?”
Man sez, “Oh, it’s just the same thing he did before except now, ever since he ate that billiard ball, he measures everything first.”
Rene Decartes (A Man) walks into a bar. One of the regulars sees him and calls over, “Hey, Rene! How about a beer?!” Decartes turns his nose up at the man, replies “I think not,” and promptly disappears.
Why limit the bar joke to men?
Three strings walk into a bar. The first one asks for a drink. “Sorry” says the bartender, we don’t serve strings." Dejected, he rejoins his friends. The second tries to get a drink a little later, and is again rebuffed, “Sorry, we don’t serve strings.” The third string goes into the bathroom, twists himself all around, messes up his hair, and kinks his body up. He goes out and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender eyes him cooly, “Are you a string?” To which the string replies: “I’m a frayed knot!”
Mushroom walks into a bar.
Bartender says “We don’t serve mushrooms here.”
Mushroom replies “Why not, I’m a fungi!”
Damn, I was gonna post that one.
I’d like to do the blowing bubbles one, but it’s not bar related. Damn.
-The Shadowed One-
A dog walks into a bar, jumps up on the barstool, and asks the bartender for dog food.
“This is a bar. We sell beer, not dog food. Get the hell outta here!” So the dog leaves.
The next day the same dog walks into the bar, jumps on on the bar stool, and asks the bartender for dog food.
“Hey! I told you yesterday, I’ll tell you today: We DON’T SELL DOG FOOD!” The dog shrugs his shoulders and leaves.
The next day the same dog walks into the bar again, but before he can make it to the bar stool the bartender yells at him: “I told you we don’t have dog food here! If you ask me for dog food again I’m going to nail your paw to the bar!”
The dog jumps up onto the barstool and says “Ya got any nails?”
“No.”
“Good. Can I have some dog food?”