Carrying a chunk of concrete. He says, “Gimme two beers. One for me and one for the road.”
What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
Ouch!
and says “OUCH, jesus god, who put that there”
Sorry… my dad used to say it all the time and now it’s a knee jerk reaction
CURSE YOU KALLESSA!!
Two guys walk into a bar,
Which is really dumb cuz you would think the second guy would have seen the first walk into the bar and avoided it.
Why does everyone have a better reaction time then me?
A straight Doper walks into a bar with a duck on his head.
The bartender asks, “Where did you get THAT?”
The duck looks down and then says to the barkeeper,
“Doesn’t everybody have one?”
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini and the bartender asks, “Olive 'er Twist?”
I walked into a bar once…it bloody hurt my knee too…
warning politically incorrect joke to follow
i mean it
a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his head
the bartender says"where did you get that?"
the parrot replies “africa they’re all over the fuckin’ place”
“Gimme a martini,” the man says.
“That sounds good,” the ostrich remarked. “I’ll have one too.”
“Me too, but I’m not paying!” the cat added.
The bartender serves them and tells the man that it’s $15.23. Without looking, the man reaches into his pocket, pulls out a wad of bills and some change and hands it to the bartender. It’s exactly $15.23.
“Hey, how’d you do that?” the bartender asked.
The man, kind of depressed, looks up and shrugs. “Oh, that. Well, a while ago, I found a lamp with a genie in it. I freed him, and he gave me two wishes. My first wish was that I would always have the exact amount of money that I needed in my pocket.”
“That’s ingenious!” the bartender exclaimed. “So what was your second wish?”
“I told him I wanted a chick with long legs and a tight pussy.”
Man walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey jumps up onto the bar. He eats the bowl of pretzels. Jumps over the bar and wolfs down a bowl of marischino cherries. Jumps onto the pool table and eats a billiard ball.
Bartender sez “Hey! What’s going on here?”
The man sez “Oh, don’t worry. He just eats everything he sees. Whatever he eats, I got money, I’ll be good for it.”
Two weeks later the man comes back into the bar with the monkey. This time the monkey goes to the bowl of cherries, sticks one up his butt, and then eats it.
Bartender sez “Okay, what’s going on now?”
Man sez “Oh, that’s just the same thing he did before except now, ever since he ate that billiard ball, he measures everything first.”