I don’t want to make this too boring or mushy, so I thought I would just make a list of what is bothering me in the last 6 months:
I cry a lot. Many times over seamingly stupid things. My lowpoint was two nights ago when I cried watching “Extreme Home Makeover”.
Part of me loves my job (teaching) and another says it is time to start looking for something else.
My marriage is going through some difficulties. We have been happily married for 7 years, but lately I feel that my spouse simply doesn’t like me very much.
I am spending way too much time worrying about my financial future, and my physical appearance. I get very upset thinking about both. In the past I have never had a problem with how I looked or how much money was in the bank.
I feel like I am losing contact with a good majority of my friends, and I am having a hard time finding a friend that I can really confide in.
I haven’t even been checking the Straight Dope on any sort of regular basis, including 2 straight weeks with not so much as a quick check in.
So, what is the diagnosis? Am I just being a wimp, and need to tough it out? Is it more serious? Am I possibly just in a rough patch that will pass with time? I would appreciate any insight any of you wish to offer.
I will say this: just because other folks turn corners at 20, 30, 40, 50 … doesn’t meant you will.
But, we all turn corners in our lives. From happy post-college chick, to new mom, to soccer mom, to mom-who-pulls-her-hair-out-over teenagers.
I myself missed my 30 yr corner on account of my mother’s death.
Take stock in your relationship with your hubbie. Let him in! Sit back together and discuss … where you think y’all are headed, dreams you have together. Ride it out.
Might not be about your age – might be something it’s worth talking to a trained professional about. IINATP (trained professional), but I think you’re right to be concerned.
Taken individually, the troubles you’re having might be considered non-alarming. Teaching is a tough job, and even people who love it sometimes burn out. Marriages have their ups and downs, and the “seven-year itch” is virtually a cliche. It’s not unusual to go through periods when you worry about money. As you get older, it’s also common to fret over your appearance, as you realize that you’re not a kid any more. A lot of us find that our circle of friends gets smaller as we get older. I’m not sure why it happens, but I’ve seen it a lot. Taking a break from the SD once in a while is probably a good thing.
The fact that all of these things are happening together might just be bad timing, but when you toss in the crying jags, it makes me more concerned. That could be a sign of mild depression, and talking to a doctor about it wouldn’t be amiss.
It’s certainly no laughing matter, and I hope that things work out well for you. Having said that, however, this:
is the best one-liner I’ve read on the Boards in days. Definitely sig-worthy!
I concur with the other wise poster who say that even though it’s probably nothing, going to the doctor certainly couldn’t hurt, & might very well help; I think that most of us could use some professional advice at one point or another.
Ok, thanks for the advice so far everyone. Just to clear some things up: I am actually a guy NinetyWt. I can see the humor in the “Extreme Makeover” comment, EarlyOut.
I really hadn’t thought that I would need to seek professional help over this stuff, and I never considered this to be depression. If anyone has more insight, or experience in these areas, I would appreciate it.
You have just described some of the key points of depression, crying for no good reason, lost of intrest in things you like, questioning self worth. Professional help is not something to fear. It can help you feel better. There is also a chance that you may have some physical imbalance going on, like a change in body chemistry, so let a professional help you, it can’t hurt and may help.
I agree that having a chat with your doctor or a mental health professional would be a great idea. It may indeed be depression or another chemical imbalance or disease that plagues you. It’s certainly not your fault, and it’s perfectly natural to feel the way you do; many people (probably most) experience feelings like those to some degree at some point in their lives. Going to a mental health professional (or talking to your doctor about this) does not mean that you are weak; it actually means that you are strong because you are taking the initiative to start solving problems in your life. No doctor or mental health professional will blame you or claim that what’s happening to you is your fault.
I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say that I hope you feel better and I wish you luck in getting through this. Times will get better. They always do.
moejuck, I was going through some rough patches not long ago, when it always seemed like I was was “having a bad day,” always feeling off-kilter and weird. Finally one day I realized that every day seemed to be a bad day and it was time to consider that this was becoming the normal state of affairs. (I’m 32 and male, by the way.)
I looked at my insurance card, and right there on the card was a number to call for something like “mental wellness” or some such. So I called them, made an appointment, and I’ve been seeing a counselor every two weeks or so for a few months.
He’s not a psychiatrist; I’m not majorly depressed, I don’t have huge, crippling “issues,” and I’m not taking any medication. It’s just really great to have someone to talk to who’s smart, educated in how human behavior and psychology work, and isn’t involved in my life. In some ways it’s better than talking to friends: I don’t have to worry about his feelings, and I don’t have to listen to his problems, and I can tell him absolutely anything and get good, well-founded, impartial advice (and he provides cites for the psychology stuff when asked ).
If your insurance doesn’t cover it, call around to some places like the United Way; they can direct you to counselors who’ll charge on a sliding scale based on your income. (The copay on my insurance is $10 a visit.) It’s worth a try; I’ve only been at it for about two months, and it’s done me a world of good.
Thank you all so much for your honesty and advice. I plan on mentioning this to my wife today and also trying to get into some type of counseling. Thank goodness for the Straight Dope.
Just to update anyone who cares, I am feeling much better these days. I talked things over with my wife, and she was very supportive. I also spoke with my minister, who has counseled me several times since. Things are looking so much better to me these days.
I greatly appreciate the open ears and the encouragement i received in this thread, and wanted to make sure to mention my heartfelt thanks.
I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better about things. I didn’t see this thread originally, but I went through many of the same feelings when I was about your age, and I’ve gone through periods like it since. No matter whether it’s a “mid-life crisis” or actual depression, telling other people about how you’re feeling is always the first step in making an improvement.
I missed this thread the first time around, and am glad to hear you’re feeling better. Whether for depression or just feeling down, it can help a lot to find someone who’ll talk with you.
If you had read Shere Hite’s orginal book (which is full of errors and not recommended), where the mid-life crisis was poplarized, you’d have noticed that while she pretended that these crises arise at a particular time, and just once, for everyone, her examples proved the opposite. There were many example of people in their 20’s, 40’s or 60’s who were having these same problems. And many of her examples had crossed other bridges earlier.
I had a crisis about 29 and moved out of the country to see the world. With results I didn’t anticipate but don’t regret. So, the feeling that things are worth changing at your age sounds about right to me.
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