You mean you can’t tell these jokes to your mom?
Fiver - it could have been a typo on Uke’s part, forgetting the ‘ant’ part of the penguins’ habitat.
I do have ant bites right now and they itch like hell.
I know exactly what you mean, screech-owl. I don’t care for my Aunt Frances either.
I bet they’re fire ant bites. Those things can itch for days.
jarbabyj, I’m still waiting to hear the winner of that award. I swear, all you female award-presenters like to get up in front of the cameras and wear those low-cut, see-through dresses and such and just stand there and preen while we gawk at the beautiful expanse of boob-flesh on display and drool and generally make idiots of ourselves just because there’s a beautiful woman standing there with her boobs on display. We never find out who won the dadgum award because you just want to show off your boobs.
Mmmm … boobs.
I’m sorry, what were we saying?
You see, now there’s a situation where a duck just wouldn’t make any sense.
all you mother fuckers be bullshit
:: stalks off angry::
screech: I TOLD you it needed work.
Fiver: Did I ever tell you that I lived in France when I was nineteen? You know, all these American tourists who complain about how snotty the Parisians are, I just don’t get it. I thought they treated me wonderfully, and I had a great time. As long as you try to communicate with them in French and don’t bang your fist on the cafe tables and make loud demands in English, the Parisians can’t do enough for you. And those French women…Ooh, la la! Yes, I’d recommend a trip to France to just about anyone. Even for your aunt, France’s wonderful!
So, screech-owl, are you gonna swear out a warrant against your Aunt Frances for biting you, or what?
Is jarbabyj really angry?
If so, I apologize for any inadvertant hijacking; I thought I was going along with the “suggested jokes for jarmommy” thing.
And Ukelele Ike deserves punishment of the severest sort. Mebbe being locked in a small room with Jerry Lewis for a decade or so.
Yes. You can always tell when I’m angry, because I resort to ebonics.
Actually, I don’t care. I was just hoping to hear more stories about people ruining good jokes.
For instance, I sent my mother (who doesn’t like swearing or drinking or ‘naughty talk’) the ducks going to the zoo joke and she said:
“How did he get all those ducks in the first place?”
So you see what I’m up against.
j
(Is she gone?)
Good, I thought she’d never leave this thread. All those duck & penguin jokes were kind of cruel, but we had to make sure she’d flee. Now we can start planning the “We love jarbaby” surprise party.
Okay now, the hall is rented. I’ve talked to Till’s people, and he’ll be arriving that afternoon. We’ve got a lot of people signed up to bring desserts, but we still could use a couple of appetizers. Ooh, and ice, gotta have ice.
Now as far as presents go…
Wait, here she comes. Everyone shuddup you mouth about this.
Try watching The Kids in the Hall with your mom:
Dave Foley (in evening gown accepting award): I’d like to thank my producer, and the writers, and everyone at the studio. I’d like to thank Mark and Amy for their support. I’d like to thank Hitler, and I’d like to thank…
Pete’ mom: Why did he thank Hitler?
Pete: It’s a joke.
Mom: Hitler is a joke to you kids?
Pete: But that’s the joke.
Mom: You think Nazis are funny?
and so on, and so on, and so on…
Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. From stomping out forest fires.
Q. Then, why do elephants have flat feet?
A. From stomping out flaming ducks!
LOL
Sorry, jarbaby, but that’s really funny.
Is she doing that on purpose, or is she just clueless? If the latter, then she’s not ruining jokes, she’s the perfect straight (wo)man. She’s Data! Take advantage of it!
Aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!! I hate fucking delay.
I draft up the jarbaby party thread, hit submit, while waiting notice that she’s posted, cancel submit, reload the thread. Phew, looks like it cancelled. Write new repsonse.
Fuck there it is, the curse of the new page. I hate Wednesdays.
Does that mean Till isn’t coming?
to the party I mean?
Who’s Till?
Eulenspiegel?
Therewasyou?
Thesunshinesnellie?
Iwaltzagainwithyou?
Themorningcomes?
Wemeetagain?
PLENTY of ice. I’m bringing the penguins.
Cool, that takes care of dinner, because as we all know…
(Wait for it)
[Hobo on train in Bugs Bunny Cartoon]
Pen-goo-wins is prac-tic-a-ly chicken.
[/Hobo]
HOBOKEN?
OOoooOOOooooo I’m DYYYIN’