A minor confrontation with a beggar

[Try2B_Comprehensive]

Well I worry about the homeless. I got a job and worked the better part of a decade to buy a (town)house- it isn’t huge, but it is beautiful and enough. I am distinctly not homeless- I bought a home, and I like it. I would teach homeless people how to do this, but I suspect they would most often treat it as too much work.

I had my gf over last weekend; I took her out for sushi downtown, we were all dressed up. We met several beggars along the way, most of them seemed like scammers. I assume most beggars are on meth, crack, or heroin and that’s why they can’t keep jobs and pay their bills. The last one wanted money for a hot dog. He had scabs on his face. He very well may have been on drugs. But his appearance and behavior convinced me that he could honestly use a hot dog. But I was in a habit with the homeless, I told him, “No, no”, and moved on.

Later my gf and I agreed that we should be prepared to give handouts to people who could honestly use a hot dog. I’m going to buy a $40 roll of dollar coins to pass out. These people are desperate, even many of the criminal ones. Sometimes you should give 'em $2.

[Mosier]

@astro

Pretty much this. Panhandlers are still people and if you are going to reject his pitch with direct alpha male eye to eye challenging contact he’s going to respond similarly. The polite refusal dance Blaster Master details is usually the way to go. I’m the same size as you but unless they were actually harassing me or another person I would never try and have some psychological dominance dance with a panhandler if I could help it. On multiple levels they have very little to lose in a confrontation and you have everything. You may need to step up and confront an aggressive panhandler at some point, but that would not usually be the first gear I would engage.

This is what I realized about 2 seconds after the guy started showing signs of agitation/offense. In my mind, I was treating him like a human being by making eye contact and giving him a straight and direct answer, not making an excuse or apologizing or trivializing the encounter.

Of course what actually came through from his perspective was something more like “How dare you talk to me, do you know who I am?”

[Roy_Batty]

Though this is an old thread, the OP’s experience mirrors some of what I’ve had to go through when dealing with beggars/panhandlers in my area. My opinion is that these people will try to intimidate you into giving them $ & if they realize they won’t get anything from you, will verbally insult you because they know they won’t get anything, so they’re not losing anything.

A lot of us legally carry, and these panhandlers obviously know this. So, if their only intent is to panhandle it hopefully won’t escalate beyond words - unless their intent from the beginning was to rob you, and they’re just using the panhandling as a way to throw you off.

In any case, you do need to be careful out there.

[DooWahDiddy]

@Mosier

I just heard a comedy routine from Louis CK about the subject (There is no greater threat to women than men. We’re the worst thing that ever happens to them!)

Wowwww, can we also talk about this little nugget of awkward premonition?

[QuickSilver]

@DooWahDiddy

Wowwww, can we also talk about this little nugget of awkward premonition?

Full(er) quote:

@Louis C.K.

A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species’ existence counts on them doing it. I don’t know how they…how do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women. Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women. We’re the worst thing that ever happens to them. That’s true!

[Quint]

@ThelmaLou

I almost always give panhandlers money. Why? Because while I’ve never lived on the street, I’ve been quite broke and people helped me out. Now I can afford to give a few bucks, so I do.

But here’s a twist I’ve added in the last few years. I fully expect many snarky, cynical, standard Doper replies to this. Have at it. But this is what I do 99% of the time.

When someone asks me for money, I reach in my purse to get it, hand it to them, and AFTER I HAND IT TO THEM I say, “Will you do something for me?” And the person ALWAYS says, “What?” And I reply, “Will you pray for me?” I first started doing this at a time when I was facing some serious health/personal problems and went around on the verge of tears all the time. The person that first time was so startled by my request that he looked up, made eye contact, and said, “What’s your name?” I told him, and he said, yes he absolutely would pray for me.

I’ve done this dozens of times over the last 15 years or so, and every single time, when I say, “Would you pray for me?” the person looks up, makes eye contact, asks me my name, and says they absolutely will pray for me. No one has ever turned away, acted embarrassed, been rude, or turned me down. No one.

It raises the transaction from a one-down person “begging” for something from someone who appears well-off to the level of two human beings who are both hurting, being able to exchange something of value, even if it’s only a buck and a few kind words.

This has happened even with with the most down-and-out, bedraggled, street person, who has been staring at the sidewalk. They look up, make eye contact, ask me my name and assure me that they will pray for me.

A couple of times, I’ve had truly memorable encounters, where the person will take my hand and pray right there and then on the street. Lest you think I’m an evangelical, speaking-in-tongues type, I’m not; I’m a Reform Jew… and we don’t go in for that sort of thing. But it is lovely to see someone rise to the request unselfconsciously in the moment, and the least I can do is keep my cool while they’re doing it.

One time, I was on my way into a restaurant, and a tall, solemn black man asked me for spare change, and I gave him a couple of dollars and made my request. He stood there on the sidewalk, put his hand on my shoulder and intoned the most beautiful spontaneous heartfelt prayer-- it brings tears to my eyes now to remember it, and it has to be well over 7-8 years ago. Clearly, this was a man who had spent a lot of time in church, as he had the language and the cadence down perfectly. He asked God to regard this “precious daughter” and shower blessings upon her… and it was at a time when I was hurting a lot… a friend was in very poor health and I was having panic attacks several times a week. Holy cow-- it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

Scoff if you must, warn me of the danger of actually relating to a homeless, panhandling beggar as if s/he were another suffering human being. As Jesus said, “The poor you will always have with you,” so I don’t kid myself that I’m really doing anything monetarily lasting for these people… but they have given me some grace-filled moments.

The end.

I know this is a zombie but that is one of the most beautiful posts I have read on the dope. I am going to try this from now on.